People think of Dopamine as the pleasure chemical but more accurately, Dopamine is the "more" compound (a neuro-modulator which changes the way that neurons work) - it is a molecule of Motivation and Anticipation - it makes you want more of whatever activity, behavior, substance - or the anticipation of same, which brings pleasure, through the release of Dopamine in the brain and body.

Whats interesting is: if a reward/stimulus is acquired every single time post anticipation (aka: a "regular reward schedule"), the stimulus has less effect on the levels of dopamine released into the body/mind, vs. when the reward is randomly acquired, 2x-3x the amount of dopamine release has been observed. They key is that the reward must be both random and intermittent. This should result in more energy and focus and effort from your plate/partner, in seeking that larger dopamine hit. (this is how Slot Machines work)

The work of Wolfram Shultz: https://archive.is/wip/Da1FL has the background info on "reward prediction error" A highlights:

"...Does the phasic dopamine response signal reward prediction error or reward? Dopamine neurons do not respond to fully predicted reward, which a standard reward neuron would do; so one might conclude that dopamine neurons do not signal reward. But as reward prediction error is a particular form of reward presentation, dopamine neurons do code reward, but reward that occurs in a specific way, namely as prediction error. ..."

OK so enough theory, what does that mean for you?

  1. the classic 2:3 text ratio applies
  2. the answer to her "I Love You", (a) not being automatically reciprocated, (b) your: "you should", (c) you: "I know", and (d) if appropriate, granted on your terms.
  3. when giving gifts of your Time, Attention, Affection, or Resources - without Covert Contract, do so on a schedule of your choosing, not simply following (expected) formal societal dates (ie: kiss at end of date; a gift at valentines, affection only as foreplay; the list goes on).

Play the Game. She is playing it, whether you are or not. You can't nice-guy your way out of the Game. Use your male gifts of problem solving and assertiveness to get better treatment; it's not for your ego "to be liked" its for you to command better treatment through non-overt means.

Whispers and HSP's view of Control being the key to successful LTRs vs. Indifference as the key for Plate Game has been instrumental in my efforts in taking Control.