I'm travelling across country and I stop for the night and I decide to go see what I can pick up (not really expecting much luck, its Montana on Thursday...) and i go to a rather crowed bar and get a beer.

I'm eyeing the competiton and i see nothing but average girls and average guys with a good ratio and women who arent looking preoccupied. I pick a table with 3 good looking women and 2 average looking men. I run the risk of the boyfriend/girlfriend/sister trio, but i decide to play the odds.

I walk up to an empty seat and just sit down with my beer. When they look at me like I dont belong, I say "Carry on." 5 second pause "Just kidding (as I flash my perfect smile). My name is [ ]." I make small chatter and introductions to gauge the men's reaction and determine who is with who and one of the women turns out to be single and unrelated to anyone at the table.

As I begin my gambit, one of the attached women says "if you want to talk with a woman, you have to buy her a drink." I look at my prospective future bedwarmer, and she has this look of expectation on her face. I put one elbow up on the table (while flexing all my muscles) and, with my most quizzical look, ask "Are you serious right now?"

She starts to go into this tirade saying something about how a real man buys drinks or something...I dont know how it ended, because I got up and left.

I can handle not fucking, but I'll be damned if I fail a shit test.