This girl and I were 'talking' back in December. We had known each other since freshman year high school and were very close. We talked a lot while I was on deployment summer 2013 over Facebook.

We first started talking (we lost touch in 2011 after I dropped out) July 2013. We decided we would stay in touch while I was deployed to Afghanistan. We talked almost daily whenever I got the chance.

Fast forward to October 8th. I get into a 5 hour long firefight. I get shot and fall down a steep mountain about 50 meters and go comatose until the 28th. One of my buddies knows I talk to her a lot and calls her to tell her the news.

After learning how to use my hands and speak properly again I message her and she flips out and tells me how worried she was, how much she cried and how not even breaking up with her boyfriend of 3 years made her cry.

We end up liking each other a lot and I get back to Chicago on the 18th. We are supposed to be together on my birthday (24th) but I have terrible PTSD so I left to Portland to see my dad.

My father had a bunch of problems and he couldn't cope with life anymore I guess. After getting back to his place from grocery shopping I walk in on him hanging himself. That was the worst day of my life.

I decide to come back to Chicago to try and make things right with the girl for standing her up. I talk to her for a couple days on the phone and she's cool with everything. But then I tell her what happened and she ditches me. I act super beta and pursue her until she says she met someone else and I go from devastated to feeling like nothing.

I get really drunk and high for the next couple weeks. Christmas day back in Portland was a very lonely one for me. As of my dad he was all I had left so I went downtown and watched some get together with a big Christmas tree. It was lonely, seeing all the families together and couples. Then I wondered what she was doing and saw on Facebook all the photos she posted partying, family photos, with the new guy, etc...

Now i felt jealous to the point of suicide when New years came and I couldn't really go out and meet people or anything because I was injured.

I don't remember much after that because since then I've been heavily intoxicated. She messaged me out of nowhere about 3 weeks ago asking how I'm doing (yeah, I know) and I say I'm good. Then she replies with some crap I don't even remember and I don't write back. Then she writes, 'is it really that hard for you to write back? What the fuck.'

She can't handle her own medicine and I'm pretty sure she's just looking for validation in between flings.

I'm just hurting real bad In side, guys... I see my buddies blow up, I had to carry a little girl with her head blown off, I almost die in a firefight, I witness my father hang himself, and the only person I had left me and is now trying to use me.

After doing my research here I know that the only people who truly care about you are close family members and I could never go look for that same love and safety in a woman.

I want to die but I keep clinging to the idea of being loved again. I just don't realistically see it happening. Any advice on how I should deal with the girl and PTSD. I can't keep drink g and doing drugs as an escape, but I really don't want to turn to help cause I know no one really gives a damn about me. I think I'll just try here so I can remain anonymous. Any advice is much appreciated.