Tl;TR - pushing myself mentally and physically to become a better version of myself but feeling burned-out and hopeless on the inside.

Intro

Before I go into detail regarding the core of this post, I want to say that currently TheRedPill and anything related to it is pretty much the only source of advice that I am willing to accept regarding the way I handle life. Hence, with time I started implementing different ideas, rules, pieces of advice that TRP advocates. Here are some red pill principles that I'm trying to adhere to:

  • Frame - I started to improve my frame and started to stand up for myself. This is mostly regarding my LTR, which is almost over by now (won't get into detail here) and I think I can say that I have partially grown a spine, though a tiny and weak one. I stopped taking the LTR's shit and started looking after myself more.

  • Discipline - On the flip side, I adopted a more organized schedule where most of the day I am busy working, studying or training. I am trying to better myself and chase my goals while developing my potential.

  • Voluntary Discomfort - A post on TRP told me something that I already kind of figured out by myself - we must put ourselves out of our comfort zone to grow and improve and we must also cause ourselves to experience certain unpleasant feelings (mental or physical) for the same reason. Therefore, I started taking only cold showers (been doing it for 4 months now) and began to accept the mental pain that would sometimes come to me, trying to overcome it instead of seeking a quick fix. Also, masturbation has been brought to a minimum because doing it every day made me feel depressed when not getting sex.

  • Meditation - I started meditating every morning as a part of my morning routine, not sure if and how much it helps me or if I am doing it right but at least I hope the sheer placebo effect from it would still benefit me.

Body

So, with all that said, I should be in a pretty good spot, right? Well, objectively, that is true. However, inside I feel like shit. I feel burned out, tired of this constant pushing further with no rest. Physically, I feel really well, but mentally...my LTR is about to end and though I saw it coming a long time ago and kind of accepted it, it still hurts like shit. Also, my best mate is currently head over heels for some chick and cant give less fucks about what's going on with me (though I helped him get out of the same shithole when he was in a similar fucked up mental state) so no mental support from there. I have couple other good friends but they can’t help me with that, same about family, don’t wanna go ranting to them. While I know i should put myself out there and get some chicks, I really don't feel like it, really not in the mental condition for partying and cultivating plates. Besides, too busy with more important stuff and don't have much time to socialize.

Outro

I know that I must keep on pushing and struggling but with each day there seems to be a weight on my shoulders that gets heavier and heavier with no relief in sight, no emotional support and no emotional fuel to help me get through this state I'm in. I understand that nobody is supposed to give a fuck and that I should be able to do it on my own but god does it hurt sometimes. This is also why I am here, basically the only place where I can get some relatively meaningful advice and not just some BP BS. Just please, do not tell me to go lift, I have that covered already and though physical exercise helps, it helps me for an hour or two, after that, shitstate comes back with full force.