Monk mode - losing charisma. Forgetting how to flirt.

IllimitableMan · 2015-02-06T08:17:48+00:00

You need a social hobby dude. This is what happens when you're home alone too much. Make sure you get out the house and see the world everyday, fresh air and seeing nature is important. Even if it's just for a walk. Join a sports club of some kind. Have long phone conversations. Keep them social juices flowing. You never lose the skill anyway, it just becomes latent. No need to freak out. Just make the necessary adjustments and you'll "be yourself" in no time. As for the hairdresser... why is a chick cutting your hair? I always find men do a much better job on my hair than chicks. Chicks aren't that interesting either, if you're not hitting on her she's probably going to be boring.

Like /u/ArchWinger's new thread says "don't forget to have fun." Sometimes we get so caught up in the grind we lose ourselves to it. I make it a personal thing to talk shit and watch comedy because a life full of seriousness and devoid of fun just isn't one worth living. It drives you insane. Gotta keep the humour up and the banter flowing. Best of luck OP. Time to recalibrate.

PS: if you hate sport or are so out of shape it would kill you, aside from fixing that, check out comedy clubs in your local area.

SkorchZang · 2015-02-06T07:33:05+00:00

Getting rusty because you're not practicing. Sometimes "monk mode" is just a nice way of saying "involuntary celibacy mode". The rust is about the same, whether it's 2 months or 2 years, and girls can somehow see it from a mile away and will naturally treat you like a leper.

Time to come out of that cloister and fuck some bitches?

cocaine_face · 2015-02-06T12:05:38+00:00

This is the cost of monk mode.

You are sacrificing your ability to be social for gains in other areas. I've spent the last 4 months cloistered away working on a company and I've certainly seen my social skills diminish.

If social skills are now your focus again, work on them. If not, accept that that is reality for right now.

zenkibudo · 2015-02-06T08:00:35+00:00

This happens in Monk Mode; it's all part of it. Let me be frank:

if this concerns you so much, then you're losing focus on what's really important - like why you entered Monk Mode - which you knew would entail sacrifices (maybe you just did not anticipate this particular eventuality/scenario but there it is). Reassess your priorities!

-- or --
it is time to exit Monk Mode, and rejoin social strata, get your social game back. If you have achieved your Monk Mode goals -- then sure, why not exit?

It seems you have an important decision, which will naturally decide your future

Right_Eye · Fri Feb 6 6:02:01 2015 UTC

Same thing happened to me, except it was around ~5 years or so of introversion to overcome. Conversation can feel really mechanical and forced if you spend too much time not working on social interaction. Even if you're taking time to grind on other aspects of your life, you should really spend at least a few hours each week talking to people.

cos_2 · 2015-02-06T06:19:13+00:00

I tried my hardest making the conversation as flirty/playful as possible, but I couldn't flow with anything. Everything just seemed so "unnatural."

A: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. It is entirely possible the hairstylist wasn't interested in doing anything more than what would constitute, "professional" conversation. My usual hair stylist might be able to hold conversation with me since she knows where I work and what I do but there's an unspoken agreement that it remains professional. You're there to get your hair cut, not pick up plates.

B: The flip side of self-inflicted social isolation can often be that when you throw yourself back into society that you realize that a lot of the conversations you used to have were pointless and mundane. Its like the guy who's fat all his life and more or less ignored only to have attention lavished on him when he gets his diet in order and exercises regularly. It can be hard not to resent folks around you who now only pay attention because you're physically more attractive.

You don't lose the ability to socialize in a few months. The only thing that could have changed is your perception.

cascadecombo · 2015-02-06T06:33:48+00:00

This is exactly why I and several others say that "monk monde" is a copout for guys who are afraid/lazy/umotivated.

Yes you do improve yourself in terms of job and body, but the mind stagnates in terms of interaction with people. Which is often times one of the more complicated things for people who do not know it.

to improve your body you lift and diet
to improve your job you get training and such
for human interaction it takes experience and interaction

Just get back into it, don't force things but point out things you notice or have an interest in and see what happens. Could have also been that that girl was just dull, it happens.

runnerrun2 · 2015-02-06T17:59:52+00:00

It's like with any skill, it gets rusty when not practiced. If you've been laying on the couch for months and then expecting to run a marathon like you used to, you'll be in for a similar surprise. Be more sociable again and it'll come back.

ForgeAndTemper · 2015-02-06T06:45:47+00:00

You had it once, you can grind it back now you're done monking. But also consider with your new level of self mastery that you don't need fake ass convesations with boring bitches. Life is essentially a lonely enterprise; there's no need to always be a performing monkey.

RP_Since_Birth · 2015-02-06T05:04:38+00:00

I'm intrigued on how someone could go from flirtatious and socially well functioning to socially inept in a matter of a couple of months. Assuming this is the case though, I'm even more confused that it wouldn't come back in just a few days of being out of monk mode...

TheRedPiilll · 2015-02-06T08:13:52+00:00

Flirting is really hard to explain because it's something that simply requires experience. And it's like muscle - you can work it out a lot but then if you suddenly stop exercising then you start to lose it.

The best thing I can recommend is going out and doing a lot of cold approaches. Because with these, you're forcing yourself to go into 'flirt mode' as that's the reason you're there - to attract chicks, not to get a haircut.

chill1995 · 2015-02-06T08:58:54+00:00

Yep. Throughout my senior years of highschool I worked in a massive food-court as the only younger guy. I got lots of practice in flirting and just all-round conversation. Moved to the city the next year and got my perspective changed. I personally wouldn't call it monk mode, because that would just be rationalizing and that's what women do, I was just more socially anxious and learned to enjoy time alone.

NeoreactionSafe · 2015-02-06T14:09:40+00:00

"All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy."

Discipline is great, but you need to let loose a little. It's Friday, you might try going out, have a couple of drinks and socialize. It will come back within an hour.

Also, if you are in the Northern Hemisphere it's winter with short days. Reduced sunlight can lower your mood and we're deep enough into winter that your built up optimism (carried into winter) starts to dissipate.

Spring will come... then summer.

TekkomanKingz · 2015-02-06T16:10:27+00:00

I've noticed with my job it's mostly males right now, and while that has many positive benefits (such as less drama, gossip, HR issues, etc.) the problem is I've noticed I talk a little more roughly and harshly to Women. I have a Woman so it's fine (and this doesn't apply to her) but may be of concern for a guy who is Single who works in a similar environment.

pcadrian · 2015-02-07T07:49:45+00:00

Sometimes the girls you talk to just don't have either (a) interest or (b) social skills.

zephyrprime · 2015-02-06T19:24:55+00:00

I believe monk mode is greatly over rated. It's useful for people who are overly social to such an extent that they don't know who they are. For such people, monk mode would be a terrifying experience that forces the to figure out who they are (or more accurately, forces them to realize there is no self there and a self must be created). For introverts, I think monk mode is a disaster. For them, an ascetic life full of self development would mean going out and socializing all the fucking time. OP doesn't sound like either extreme in my opinion.

As a long time PUA, let met tell you that /redpill/ is full of keyboard jockies who are taking far too little action and thinking far too much. Take more action in your life. Don't closet yourself in because doing so doesn't really help you in your social life or in work.

Araneuscosmicus · 2015-02-06T19:36:25+00:00

Might you have considered that it wasn't you being boring, but her? I've found that, when you exercise your skills often, use more of your intuition (as opposed to logic), and generally become a much more enlightened human being, mirroring occurs frequently and subconsciously. Part of your mind knew she was cute, but the other half was likely trying to pick up on very subtle cues, but couldn't, because she was a boring bitch who is used to just using her looks to gain conversation from idiots.

Of course, at the same time, it could be that you haven't been practising while monking. I bought a mirror for the bedroom. When I find my skills might be dipping, just practise more often. I know that I've managed monk mode and a high level of social interaction for months now, so it is possible.

DarkSayed · 2015-02-06T19:45:18+00:00

Anyone else know what I might be going through?

Yup, happened to me. You can "get it back" with a little practice, but I didn't bother because I don't give a fuck. I'm MGTOW now.

pspman354 · 2015-02-07T03:29:07+00:00

This is exactly what happened to me. Fall semester of school, I was constantly talking to girls, getting numbers, and being social. After a long winter break of barely opening any girls and flirting, coming back in the spring and opening girls seemed challenging. I managed to get a girls number, but ended up over texting and having her lose interest.

Its kind of like jumping in a pool. Its gonna be cold at first, but then feels normal. And if you get out for some time again, its still gonna feel uncomfortable at first, but if you stay in it will feel normal.

Greenmonster71 · 2015-02-08T04:07:32+00:00

What your saying is your having a hard time being fake . That's good. Be real, be honest. If you were attracted to the girl you don't have to try to "flirt" with her whatever that means. Tell her you think she is hot and you'd love to get to know her better

molooooo · 2015-02-07T01:17:12+00:00

maturity. accept that you need a partner who is specially significant to you, and that all these easy flirts will eventually amount to nothing because of no true connection.

edit and fuck these other guys, be critical when reading the answers. you know best how to have fun.

Title	Monk mode - losing charisma. Forgetting how to flirt.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	49
Comments	34
Date	February 6, 2015 4:46 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2uycl3/monk_mode_losing_charisma_forgetting_how_to_flirt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/monk-mode-losing-charisma-forgetting-how-to-flirt.28835 https://theredarchive.com/post/28835

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