I don’t know how to explain, but I feel empty inside. Looks like I lack of woman in my life, and that’s a big part of it, I suppose. I’m 31 yo now and I don’t know how to attract woman. I had 4 woman in my entire life. I’m lack of confidence because I have a lazy eye. Yep, that’s little hard for me from that. Blue and red pill is what’s working in my opinion. I have a hobby, I do sports, I have a small business, I like travel, I’m funny. But when it comes to girls, i just can’t go and talk with them, some trauma I think. Only when girls show me interest I can do something and still manage to fuck it up, because I can’t make moves. Last time I spend time with 19 yo, we were kissing and she never let me go further, maybe I fucked up somewhere (I told her that I only want to be friends with benefits and nothing more) and she saw my real beta version. She is gone now, told me she now feel uncomfortable. I knew some alpha males, who were fucking girls and dropping them, and other girls still wanted him, even they knew he will dump them also, then I got into the fight with him, because I were destroyed inside. He is no better then me, why he behave like this with them, and they still wanted to fuck him, it’s just nonsense. I don’t want to become this kind of guy, but it’s fucking working and it’s fucking stupid. I just don’t know, I hate myself and feel useless after thinking about this part of my life. There were a lot of stories when girls wanted to be with me, but I was like nah, I’m not good enough, it’s weird why they even talk with me. Probably I have a Madonna whore syndrome (something like that, don’t know exact name), because I think all girls are whores (especially after what I saw how they are attracted to that bad boys and stuff). That’s just stupid. Also don’t want to be fuckboy, using girls and dumping them, it’s feels stupid and harmfull. I have mess inside of my head, it’s just stupid…