Today, the average guy normally dates women with the intention of eventually becoming exclusive. I don’t normally advise young men to do this for various reasons (reasons that are out of the scope of this article), but they really don’t have a choice, as average women do not want average men. This yields men with substantially fewer dating prospects, and provokes a scarcity mindset (the belief that women are hard to obtain) when a woman finally goes out with them. Nevertheless, when men do court women into long term relationships, they often make the fatal mistake of becoming complacent, and no longer behaving in ways that attracted them initially.

Imagine a woman dating an ambitious, financially stable, masculine, goal-oriented, authoritative, and emotionally secure man who is in phenomenal physical shape. They go on exciting, seemingly spontaneous, dates to unfamiliar locations, she discovers information about him gradually over time, and can’t quite figure him out. He’s the complete package. The woman falls in love, and they eventually get married.

Now, imagine this same couple after a few years pass by. The man becomes lazy and stops exercising, his six pack has dissipated into a dad bod.  A once incredibly secure man now comes home from work and complains about how much he hates his job daily, showing no indication of changing his circumstances. Date nights are now a regularly scheduled event in which he defers to his wife’s authority, and he no longer is mysterious or seductive because he has divulged everything about himself, leaving nothing left for her to discover. There is an incongruence with the man his wife fell in love with, and the man he is now. She essentially fell in love with a fraud, as he is not the same person post marriage. 

Most men naively believe that women they are in a relationship with can love them unconditionally. In reality, only mothers can love their sons in such a way. Men try to recreate this idealized love with their partners; however, believing that women can love men unconditionally contradicts their dualistic mating strategy of procuring short term reproductive benefits and long term provisioning. If a woman marries an attractive, built, financially stable man, and he starts behaving in ways that contradict that, she begins to fall out of love with him, as her innate desires are no longer being met. She effectively has been lied to, as he is not the man he portrayed himself to be. 

What most men get wrong is that they believe women love them for who they are, as opposed to what they are. Women marry men opportunistically, as their dualistic mating strategy requirements have to be met. Men can never behave in ways that are incongruent with why a woman fell in love initially. Commonly, men become exceptionally complacent in relationships – especially long term relationships –  as they foolishly believe that the woman is theirs forever, and that she will truly love them for better or worse. A woman’s love always comes with conditions that are usually never explicitly disclosed. These conditions are that he will always be the man he has portrayed himself to be, through indirectly demonstrating that he is her best option. This doesn’t mean that a woman can’t love certain aspects about you or your personality, or put value on having the same values and beliefs. But once men indicate that they are not who they initially presented, women begin taking notice of other guys who are seemingly better options. This is why over 50% of marriages end in divorce, with more than 70% of them being initiated by women. 

Men must, under no circumstances, ever become complacent in relationships. The reasons she fell in love with you are the reasons she will continue to love you, and anything you do that jeopardizes her ability to procure short term reproductive benefits and long term provisioning will cause her to question if you are truly the best she can do. The most effective method of combating complacency is by internalizing that women love men for what they are and not who they are, and by men constantly working on their life’s purpose. If you don’t know what your purpose in life is, I suggest setting goals that are congruent and aligned with your proclivities and inclinations. This will result in you having smaller purposes that, if pursued regularly, will eventually lead you to your life's tasks. Never get too comfortable with your woman as familiarity breeds contempt. The seduction never ends.