Not alone

This is a thank you, not for introducing rp principles to me, but for confirming that there are other people out there that think like I do. This is going to be a long post that I need to get off my chest. Maybe some learn from it, maybe some don't.

I have been brought up in a stable Asian household (my experience is that old school asian culture is truly RP). I understood my father was the man of the house and although both parents worked, my father earned more and worked longer days and my mother came home and cooked for us. From a young age my father would tell me that I needed to concentrate on myself, to focus on a good education and that there will be plenty of time for girls later (monk mode). He said that girls care about success and it becomes extremely difficult if you are unable to provide for the family. As a new teenager I did not believe him when he said that girls only cared about success, but as time passed, I found my observations matched what he told me.

For most of high school I couldn't land a girl because I was pre-pubertal for most of it. I would tend to be their friends and listen to them complain about how their boyfriends weren't treating them right. Even then I noticed that they would always ask where the nice guys were but they would end up dating jerks. This is when I started thinking that nice guys finish last but I didn't quite understand why jerks were so successful. After my growth spurt I found myself getting more attention and landed a relationship that would change my life and solidify my thought processes.

I dated my first girl for a few years and thought she was amazing. I went off to college and started a long distance relationship with her. I continued to get attention from other girls and I cheated on her, but didn't tell her until I found out she made out with another guy at a party. She blamed it on the alcohol but I knew better. For whatever reason we worked it out and moved forward. At some point she tells me she went to a party, drank,and woke up naked the next morning. She claimed rape, and went to report it to the police (atleast that was the story I was told). I'm somewhat of a cynic so I questioned (not aloud) whether it really was rape or if she cheated on me and used it to keep me around. I bought the rape story but the story always lingered in the back of my mind. We moved forward and shortly after she told me she needed a "break" to figure things out. I told her I would wait for her, and eagerly I did (but in the back of my mind I suspected something sinister). A week later she calls me up and tells me she is seeing someone else (branch swing). This also taught me to pay attention to her actions more than her words; she didn't really want to figure things out, she had already figured them out and moved on less than a week after she told me she needed a break.

I sent her an email telling her how I felt and how I was there for her and she just up and left me. I find out later she showed the new guy what I had written. I assumed she would be more loyal to me because we spent years together at that point, and I couldn't have been more wrong. It was at this moment that I realized that females could not be trusted, ever, and their loyalty is fickle and stands with whomever they are seeing at the moment.

I was crushed for months. I knew I needed to keep my mind occupied because if I didn't I would think about her. I focused on going to the gym, school, and trying to game other girls (monk mode). I couldn't go to my parents because they were in the dark about this entire relationship. My friends got tired of hearing my story and told me to man up. It was at this point I realized no one actually cares about my problems and that the only person I could trust was myself. I picked up on the fact that showing emotion was a weakness. TRP didn't exist back then but there were some comments on ask men that I would read that helped me move on. I kept a word document file where I would write my feelings so I didn't feel the need to share them with anyone else. The document was deleted a few years later to ensure it would never see the light.

After internalizing these concepts that I learned the hard way, I tried explaining to my friends what I thought. I was chided and told that I had turned bitter (never talk about TRP). I am a stubborn individual and knew what I was saying was correct but everyone tried to make me feel like I was wrong. I kept my mouth shut and for years felt like no one else believed what I believed. I had a few other relationships but never opened up emotionally for fear of getting hurt. I didn't realize this at the time but when I wasn't emotionally available, those girls would bend over backwards.

Only recently did I stumble upon TRP (was referenced as a misogynistic place, and as I already had some misogynistic thoughts, I figured I would check it out). I read through the posts and learned from the comments; admittedly, I didn't read the side bar, but I didn't post either. The biggest advantage TRP had for me is that it confirmed everything I felt and knew worked for me. I realized that I am not the only one that has these thoughts. This site summarized all the concepts I had learned the hard way and picked up along the way. More importantly, though, I now know I am not alone.

Tldr - inadvertently picked up TRP concepts prior to TRP existing. Felt alone in my beliefs. TRP showed me I'm not the only one who feels this way.