On the topic of being alpha: How does one avoid contentment without resorting to self-loathing?

IdleGod · 2013-07-23T17:51:44+00:00

I have yet to do one cold approach, but I guess I always figured I wasn't "ready" yet

Fuck that noise. Go out and approach someone. No excuses, no "I'm not ready", just do it. Go out and say "hello" to someone, hold a conversation for 5 minutes, and then move onto another set.

_whistler · 2013-07-23T15:54:57+00:00

First, I'd like to point out there's a large difference between contentment and complacency.

Complacency is "meh, good enough, I guess." It requires no effort to maintain, and isn't particularly rewarding for extended periods.
Contentment is "I like this, this feels great, I want this to continue because I'm at a good place in my life." It requires effort to maintain, because contentment comes from a place of success in one's endeavors. You have to achieve the lifestyle you want before you can be content in it. Once you're content, you are able to have periods of relaxation, but you are never absolutely at rest because you have to keep the momentum going, as it were.

The "inner rage" you talk about: that's good. Rage has always been largely associated with masculinity, and is a source of motivation to all men of worth when the proverbial going gets tough. But it's more than rage, really. It's a combination of rage, creative force, the drive to succeed, the unquenchable thirst for mastery over man's environment...and much more than those things, as well. In my opinion, there really isn't an English word that accurately represents the complexity of this idea, but in Old Norse the word óðr does nicely when traced from its roots. The Greek concept of thumos goes hand in hand with this, and seems to be a more popular choice when this topic is discussed.

None of this, however, requires you to do any sort of self-loathing. This is motivation, pure and simple. Self-loathing requires you to detest yourself, and is not the same as detesting weakness and eschewing those habits which would make you weak.

As far as staying in this mindset, I'll tell you what works for me: read. Read the stories of great men of the past. Read the firsthand thoughts of these great men, when they set them down. Read heroic fictional accounts of greatness. Mankind has always been motivated by stories for as long as there has been written record, or even pictographic representation. And once you've filled your mind with stories of the heroic deeds of great men of the past - once you can feel that óðr burning at your core - go out and perform your own heroic deeds. The world is waiting for men to be heroes again.

chiffonade- · 2013-07-23T16:14:34+00:00

I have yet to do one cold approach,

it's not that hard. just go to a bar and say hello to people.

as a beginner, don't look for a certain outcome, as long as you're just being social nobody will care.

The_PUA_Punanny · 2013-07-24T02:59:17+00:00

Don't motivate yourself with negative feedback. That just sets up a habit for constantly undermining yourself. If your mind is your own worst enemy, you can never be happy -- just like a woman.

Why are you trying to use women as validation? This is the key error that almost everyone, PUAs included, make.

Appealing to women is not some noble activity. Women's preferences are totally fucked from the get go.

What's a beta? Generally, someone who thinks that being a good human being is the way to succeed in life and with women. Women are precious and they will give everything to them and do anything they can to "help" them and "fix" them and blah blah blah.

It's having an idealized image of what a woman is, and what human beings are in general. It's the image that we were raised to believe, and it would be nice if people actually worked like that. If you are good to them, they will be good to you.

By now you know that is a false reality.

People are gullible idiots who blindly follow authority figures and believe authority over their own lying eyes. Authority = dominance = gina tingles.

Ginas would be amoral -- not distinguishing between being a benevolent and kind ruler, and being a tyrant, because authority is authority -- except that evolution has embedded a deep seated genetic understanding that evil always has the advantage in this world.

Peaceful societies get massacred by warlike societies. The reverse has never happened.

Rape has never been lower than it is today in modern societies. (Rape used to be a regular occurrence for women in general, and still is in many countries. Even for boys -- Afghanistan is such a shithole, it's a totally normal part of the culture for boys to rape other boys. Not as a result of recent upheaval, it's fucking traditional. The military command doesn't even take reports from US/Canadian/UK soldiers about child sexual abuse, it's just understood that yes, all those Afghan forces you work with consider raping boys to be normal. Then you get failed states like Uganda, where the women get raped on the regular, and the Congo where they be rapin' evvvvrybody.)

The world has always been run by killers, and stability has always been achieved by making a fake show of caring about the common people.

So a female is automatically biased toward "dangerous" men with a fake cover story.

The most common fantasy for a woman is a rape fantasy. The kind of sex they like is being dominated. Being rough.

In short, reality is the complete opposite of everything they told you. Why do they hide it all from you? Why do parents want their kids to only see Disneyfied versions of everything?

Because we want things to be nice for our kids and want to protect them. Just the fact that we even refer to "protective" or "overprotective" parents should be a tipoff. Protect from what?

The world as it is. It's fucked up, and slowly being fixed by civilized men taking two steps forward and then the forces of corruption taking a step back.

So, changing society requires behaving contrary to the default behavior that human beings revert to in areas that lack working governments. Using your neocortex.

But succeeding in reality requires behaving in accordance with the primal nature of other people. Their reptile brain.

So you just have to understand your dual nature.

On the one hand, you have the way forward, but no power to get there. Having good intentions accomplishes nothing.

On the other, you have the way to get power, but no plan for changing anything for the better. The world has always had powerful men who got tons of pussy.

So the conflict comes because you can't fully accept either aspect of yourself.

Trying to force a perfect balance just keeps you rigidly stuck in the middle. But humans are biological systems; everything rises and falls in a rhythm. Nothing is a flat line until you flatline.

I think it was the Dalai Lama, who was talking about evil, who said something like, If you're going to be bad, be really, really bad!

It's essentially just committing to your frame. If you're going to do something, do it all the way.

And then do something else, and do that all the way.

Not taking any action actually IS taking action; it's exerting a lot of effort to stay on the fence.

Want an example? Stay in bed. See how long you can do it before your thoughts inevitably chase you out of bed.

You're just not committing to your own frame, because of the exact same reasons you get pushed out of frame by a girl. It's scary and people disagree with you and you stand out and you're going out on a limb. Society has told you to be a beige, vanilla dead weight and not to rock the boat.

You will do whatever you believe is the right thing to do. Currently, you believe being a nobody and not making a fuss and not inconveniencing anyone is the right thing to do.

You know why you believe that? Because the people who run the world are no better than you are, so they really, REALLY don't want to go into competition with you. The easiest way to get rid of potential competition is to convince them not to step outside their bubble in the first place.

When you grow up you tend to get told the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save a little money.

That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact, and that is – everything around you that you call life, was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.

The minute that you understand that you can poke life and actually something will, you know if you push in, something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it. That’s maybe the most important thing. It’s to shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just gonna live in it, versus embrace it, change it, improve it, make your mark upon it.

I think that’s very important and however you learn that, once you learn it, you’ll want to change life and make it better, cause it’s kind of messed up, in a lot of ways. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

Steve Jobs, 1994

jakethesnake76 · 2013-07-23T19:28:10+00:00

Learn to Meditate ,it clears the mind of all the scripts that keep running in your head ,and then you can see clearly what you want to do and Just Do It...

[deleted] · 2013-07-23T19:43:32+00:00

You are looking for a zen like state. Being a rational dude with a distaste for all this woo woo new age crap, you might have dismissed the possibility at first. I would recommend a read through of "the Dude and the Zen Master" as a good outline of where you want your mind to be.

I picked that one up because I was a fan of the dude and wasn't expecting it to be so informative. To me it seems Zen is just a mind technique for getting out of your own head, stopping that internal conversation you are always having with yourself, and getting up and doing something. That would be your alternative to self loathing, and it might help you with your approach anxiety.

ekjohnson9 · 2013-07-23T15:39:50+00:00

By setting high commitment standards? The same woman ill take home on a Saturday night isn't the same woman Ill have brunch with on Sunday. Your time is valuable, so wasting any more time than necessary on a woman is counter productive. Having priorities and standards should not cause self loathing. The trick is to mean it when you say "I have better things to do".

roe_ · 2013-07-23T17:52:36+00:00

For starters, read this - the relevant part is where he talks about taking a meditation class.

If you do something like exercise everyday it becomes a habit. If it's a habit for long enough it becomes part of your identity. Then you almost don't have to motivate yourself, you just kind of exercise every day without thinking about it much.

I imagine this would be generalizable to approaching women. You can make it part of your identity, you just have to do it a lot.

Everything I've read on the manosphere on this subject suggests there is no "ready", you just do it.

Space_Tourist · 2013-07-23T18:29:18+00:00

You've got to try approaching women, its the only way to improve and it will give you a huge boost to your self-confidence. At first you may feel creepy and uncool, but eventually you will stop caring and realize that most girls just love the attention. I used to be really shy and quiet, but lately I will just flirt with any attractive girl I see and it really makes me feel like a badass.

The best advice I can give you is make eye contact and smile. Stand closer to them than you would normally. You don't even have to say anything clever, your attitude and body language is usually all you need to show your interest.

Adopt an "I don't give a fuck" attitude. Everyone gets rejected sometimes, but you have to force yourself not to care. I know its easier said than done, but eventually it will just click and you will realize that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It really is a game and if you think of it that way you will have a blast.

DingFuckinDong · 2013-07-24T01:08:46+00:00

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is a good place to start if your looking for an inner "peace" of sorts.

Title	On the topic of being alpha: How does one avoid contentment without resorting to self-loathing?
Author	RNAofYouListening
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	July 23, 2013 3:22 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1ivzry/on_the_topic_of_being_alpha_how_does_one_avoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/on-the-topic-of-being-alpha-how-does-one-avoid.5752 https://theredarchive.com/post/5752

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