I had a crush on my roomate for one years now, i was in vacation during this week and when i come back i learn from the manager that she was gone.

She is gone living in france with her boyfriend, i know she owe me nothing but i am kinda mad at her because i will never see her again. My only source of enjoyement in this fucking world is gone, i can't ever cry because i am too sad. As a fucked socialy non experience guy, she give me affection that i was not ready to recieve, she hug me and laugh at my stupid joke...

When i met her 1 years ago, she give me some kind of affection, she hug me, smile at me... than, she just instinctly figure out my beta nature and lack of experience, she throw me stuff like i was jerking in the bathroom... During this time I discovered redpill, i learned a lot about female nature in the process.

I start to change my beahaviour, i act more (alpha), did a looot of musculation, fake my body language, take deep voice, talk less. It kinda work for a little time but the change in personnality was so brutal that it activate a defense mechanism in her. She start to ghost me.

she didn't used me as an emotional tampon, she nevr disrepect me as men, she never bored me with girly thing, it like she just didn't give a fuck anymore and it make it even harder.

This girl is in her 24, she has sooooo much attention from guy, why the hell she will choose a emotionnaly fucked up guy, i understand her, i am not mad at her, just sad at myself...

This girl is not a perfect 10, she is in good shape, have cute face, smell good, extremely kind... it was not a fucked up high heel tatoo girl, she has a very feminine nature, the kind that make you want to just calm down and relax, a real yin power :-)

I will never see her again, i don't have her number, i don't have her email, she is not on facebook, i know where she work, i know her first and lastname but that's it. So yea i could find her if i want but it won't change the outcome so why bother, just see her a last time for fucking what, nothing... I never had the chance to say a proper goodbye and to say i love her.

I know why i am emotionnaly fucke up, because for one years she was the only physical contact and affection i got from a women. Now my only only fucking kind of pseudo attention from the oposite sex is gone. scarecity really got me.

Some of you will say that i bless that she is gone, i know deep down you are right but i am juste pissed, so fucking pissed right now I don't know what to do, i just constantly think of her. It like for 1 years i lived a kind of fantasie wher i was the only actor and know the fuking show is over.

HELPPPPP