What is anxiety? - ‘unpleasant, consciously-perceived feelings of tension and apprehension, with associated activation of arousal of the autonomic nervous system’

Background

I have recently seen in the community men who are anxious when dealing with picking up woman in clubs/bars/gyms etc. I think we would probably all agree that at some point rejection as result of the cold approach has been barrier to getting our dicks wet. I thought it would interesting to find out the root courses of this and if there is anything we can do to mitigate the problem.

What is anxiety?

Most of the time anxiety is brought on by an event or something happening that’s reasonably out of the ordinary. For example, it’s quite rare that people are anxious 100% of the time (people with deeper medical issues aside), so if we can agree that anxiety pops up unannounced when something different happens – that can be our base line. It all comes down to our programmed natural instincts. We like to think ourselves quite civilised and progressive when really, in the grand scheme of things, we’re still quite basic as a species and are not too far on from our Neanderthal brothers. We certainly haven’t been top of the food chain for long, so our anxiety-based fight or flight response is ingrained and is hard to shift. Fight or flight is/was our only reaction to what could be a dangerous threat (lion, enemy tribe attack etc.). It’s reasonably unlikely nowadays, compared to 50,000 years ago, that events requiring a fight or flight response actually happen. The occasional bar brawl aside, it’s not very often we have to run away from something that regards you as dinner.

The issue is our body still reacts in the fight or flight way when reacting to a perceived threat. It doesn’t have to be a threat in the traditional sense, more a change of circumstances requiring you to behave unnaturally (at first of course, techniques can be learned). We are still wired up to sense that speaking in public, cold approaching, going on first dates, having sex for the first time are perceived threats to the status quo. Our body is quite a crude machine; it can’t tell the difference between that wild animal coming to eat you and that hot chick you’re about bone for the first time.

The effects

The effects of anxiety are numerous, some obvious, some not so obvious. They include but are not exclusive too:

1). Rapid heart rate and heavy breathing – difficulty in staying relaxed when approaching a chick

2). Flushing – looking embarrassed when talking to the chick for the first time due to blood being diverted.

3). Difficulty getting an erection – this is due to blood being pumped away from ‘non-essential’ organs like the penis to legs and heart ready for fight or flight

4). Adrenaline – the by product of fight or flight if unused can make you feel nauseous and faint. Linked with above – the ‘butterflies in the stomach feeling’.

5). Sweating – embarrassing hotness when chatting to a chick linked to heart rate and heavy breathing.

Understanding the triggers

It’s commonly thought that anxiety is triggered by three major ‘events’ or ‘disruptions’ to our otherwise normal lives. These are the situation, the task and the person.

1). The task – could be the fact that chick is out of your league, could be the perceived class or lack of experience. If you’re not a very confident person, the task can seem insurmountable.

2). The situation – bar / club, local or strange place. Is she with friends or not. Are you with friends or not. Is there liquor around etc. etc.

3). The person – who you are. Are you typically confident/not-confident? Some people are just born nervous, others only get nervous when the above is out of their comfort zone.

The trick is to know where your weak spots are…

Mitigating the response

Testing is the only way in which you know where the problem for you lies. There are a few ways in which you can combat the anxiousness you feel when cold approaching or boning that HB9 for the first time. Knowing how you will react is key to moving forward and gaining success.

Desensitisation is a common theory in working towards eradicating the anxiety you feel. This is why many men on this forum and others recommend cold approaching on a ridiculous scale. It doesn’t matter if it works, the important thing is to try and keep trying regardless of outcome. An aim of 10 cold approaches a day, in a queue, at the bar, is important to get used to and therefore desensitised to the approach. Another angle, is to approach HB5s and 6s first, it’s easier and gets you in the swing of things.

Contextualise the situation – look men, no fucker is going to die so start asking for those numbers. Jeez – 150 years ago you’d be slaving away in a coal mine dreaming of the chance to get out and ask a woman out on a date. You only have one life so live it. Just remember that a little nervousness is key, so embrace your nerves and don’t be afraid of them. Feeling anxious is completely normal and helps to sharpen your game so don’t think you’re some withering nervous Billy Beta and everyone else is the confident all-conquering Chad – chances are they’re feeling the same as you.

Breathe – deep breathing, visualise and accept the nerves are part of the excitement of slaying this HB9. Keep calm by breathing steady and deep – keep this in check and she’ll be finally sucking your dick.

Lift and go to the gym. Not only does it get the heart going, it’s important for breathing and posture, which in turn helps to alleviate anxiety when it strikes. Exercise is great for relieving nerves, so if you’re on a promise to bone that new chick, don’t just stew on it all day, get out and get some fresh air, burn a bit of fat and get your pump on, as this helps when you feel the nerves are getting on top of you.

Of course, if you so wish you can just use artificial ‘helpers’ like for instance a couple of cocktails…J

TL:DR – Anxiety is brought on by an old reaction to a threat. Cold approaching a girl can be perceived as a threat and therefore can bring on anxiety. There are ways to help mitigate this. Know the task, the situation and the person you are to then put a plan of action in place.