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jpy2102
[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Rumble_in_the_Jungle 12 points13 points14 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't think you need to use donotlink on Heartiste - give the man some recognition.
[–]jolly--roger 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
a better suggestion: don't use donotlink altogether
use http://archive.today when necessary
[–]theozoph 3 points4 points5 points 11 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
Big confidence problems, she needs you to tell her to calm down, stop trying to appease you, and enjoy herself.
Some girls come from abusive backgrounds, either familial or previous relationships, and are bundles of insecurity. Just showing them you are solid but not abusive is a good way to go from "my next abuser, oh why am I doing this to myself!?" to "My One True Love I'll Give Everything To".
If you keep the "Just Leader" frame, that is.
Edit : Otoh, she might be into BSDM Dom/sub relationships. Something to explore, if that's your thing.
[–]jpy2102[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I am interested in that. Got any literature to recommend?
I spanked her pretty good last night and she loved it. Then I punished her from behind.
I agree, bundle of insecurity: she's only had one LTR (4 years) and not too many partners. The LTR was also a LDR, guy sounds like he was somewhat of a loser who turned self-destructive beta, suckering her into the final last year because she felt bad for him.
So I don't think the abuse comes from him but rather her mother: she walked out on the family during her childhood and seems to have ruined the father emotionally, even though he took on both caretaker roles after that point.
Probably has self-worth issues.
[–]M_rafay 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I agree, bundle of insecurity Probably has self-worth issues.
I had a feeling.
Having a submissive woman is one thing, but having one who's annoying is quite another. Always strike a balance that suits you. Right now, she's annoying you. How do you respond? Shut it down? Well, I don't want to say directly. Because this girl sounds absurdly insecure.
But make no mistake, this is a shit-test. Not a deliberate one, they never are. But you not knowing what to say... becoming awkward... are failing it. I'd say she wants you to be a leader. She doesn't exactly say it, but she wants you to make her feel comfortable.
I recommend this for reading: /r/TheRedPill/comments/2di9vm/ltr_game_part_8_leadership_and_support/
[–]jpy2102[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ok I read it. I get the discourse on leadership...
To come back to your point, though, about her wanting me to comfort her (and thereby lead her)....
I've been doing that by reassuring. I'm just concerned (and perhaps this is the shit test element of what she's doing) about starting to sound too comforting, too nice, too supportive and supplicating...
As in, she turns me into a dude who's always saying "it's ok honey... You're doing just fine..."
And eventually her ego puffs up, she's owned me, and she's dumps me.
[–]theozoph 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I see what you're saying, but it's not what I was proposing.
See, a few years ago I start dating this girl, and for whatever reason she's driving us back to her place. We start looking for her car and it isn't there. We look for it for 15 mn and she keeps coming back to this place where you're not supposed to park, with a really worried look on her face. I clue in, and start asking her if that's the place she did park in, and she meekly admits that, yeah, she fucked up and now the car's been towed.
I had just started reading red pill stuff (although the term didn't exist then), so I keep cool and start teasing her, while we walk toward the nearest impound. After a while she starts crying and inward I go "Fuck! I didn't think she'd take it so hard!" But I refuse to lose frame, and just ask her what's going on. And she start telling me how relieved she is that I didn't yell at her for fucking up, that I'm not mad or telling her she's dumb, that I joke around instead of pouring contempt on her.
Apparently, that's what the previous guy had done to her for 4 years, and she had just come to expect that in a relationship.
Needless to say, once home that night, sex was the bomb.
You don't need to act like a pussy to make a girl feel safe with you. Amused mastery, strong boundaries and emotional stability is all it takes.
[–]jpy2102[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup, same shit with me and her. Just last night she didn't know who Napoleon was, I explained, and she thanked me after for not talking to her like she was a dumbass for not knowing who he was.
Ok she just texted me this:
I feel really comfortable with you already, and you said you can see pretty clearly that I like you. I don't want you to be like "ugh give me space" or something, or maybe you want to go on other dates or whatever to see what your options are. I just want you to be happy/comfortable with the amount of Kayla/John time :)
So I replied:
Don't even bother doubting yourself because if you're with me you know I want to spend time with you because otherwise I wouldn't :) I recommend you just relax, let go, and focus on enjoying the experience together. I am comfortable with the amount of John/Kayla time because of the quality of that time. As long as the quality stays the same, that won't change :)
And now she's happier than a kid in a candy store.
(Notice I avoided her question about me dating other women)
[–]1ThumpNuts 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My wife is exactly like this. She doesn't do it as much as she used to but she still does it from time to time. I've totally gotten used to it to the point where I just tune it out. My brothers laugh about it and tease her a bit, which makes her aware and she stops. It's a good natured teasing so she laughs about it too.
My wife certainly does not come from an abusive background [quite the contrary]. She a little spoiled and babied by her parents. She does have abandonment issues.
So if you tease her a little bit, like saying, "OK, but don't let it happen again"—dripping with sarcasm... or tell her you're going to smack her ass everytime she says, "sorry"—then it becomes a playful game. [I do both].
Anyway, it'll fade over time, but it will never go away.
[–]Prattler26 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just to be clear, abandonment is abuse. Children who get abandoned, ignored or neglected experience it as a fear of death, and it makes sense evolutionary, because you'd die if you got abandoned.
Children act out and prefer negative attention over no attention at all. At least the parents are paying attention and the child knows he will not die.
[–]1ThumpNuts 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She has abandonment issues - she was NOT abandoned.
If a child was abandoned, that would be neglect and neglect is abuse. Such was not the case.
Her father almost died a couple of times (due to cancer) and she's grown up with the fear of losing her parent. So she's dealt with that kind of anxiety/trauma, but that in no way qualifies as abuse.
[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In my experience excessive apologies are revealing of a guilty conscience.
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[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rumble_in_the_Jungle 12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jolly--roger 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]theozoph 3 points4 points5 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]jpy2102[S] 1 point2 points3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]M_rafay 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]jpy2102[S] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]theozoph 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]jpy2102[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]1ThumpNuts 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Prattler26 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]1ThumpNuts 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link