I was writing a post for newbies with a very practical break down for the majority of AskTRP questions I see (Hint: "You aren't attractive enough"). But, Woujo's awesome, awesome series on Purpose distracted me..

I've been feeling like shit recently. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have since I was a kid. When it's bad it's wanting to take a break from life bad... (if any of you suffer I got you fam and reach out, you'll make it). But of course this kind of mental illness fucks me up and derails me big time.

Which is where Purpose is so important to your life, your health and your sexual success. And because Woujo's post was so good.. Boom, malaise dead in it's tracks. (Woujo is a god and his article on frame the best thing I've read that I've not paid for in my life). So three parts on Purpose?? Strap me in baby and spank me silly. Go and take the time to read it right now. RIGHT NOW.

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Yo, how the fuck do I get a purpose to my life?

When I started out years back and was first reading sidebar material. It assumes a degree of self-awareness and capability. For me coming from a place of complete ignorance.. it was a lot to take in. At that time I'd not read the psychology book, delivered a long-term project, managed people and built my EQ etc.. All that life experience that added richness to the men behind those posts. So of course there was a gap between reading something and being able to implement it. And it was near insur-fucking-mountable.

So let's break it down, we want to be able to put it into practice..

I work in strategy, UX and product design so to a degree this shit is second nature to me. In organisational human centred design there's a concept that "how the UX is lived internally, so it's felt authentically externally." If your staff don't give a shit about your customers, that's gonna bleed through out into the world. And all the expensive UX you've done won't mean shit.

The same is true of yourself. If you're caught up in anxiety, oneitis and a futile existence, that shit is gonna bleed through. All the grooming, one-liners and cologne ain't gonna mean shit when life applies a little pressure.

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Authentic purpose?? WTF how do I get that?

To build any strategy you need to do a few things (lets keep it simple and not try take you through a crash course in management theory!):

  1. Reflect
  2. Define tangible objectives
  3. Refine a vision/purpose
    -> this needs to be memorable and enable the movement towards those objectives
  4. Create actions to achieve objectives
    For each objective look at -> why you've not achieved it yet and and what would resolve that gap

Our goal here is to come towards a tangible purpose, which we live our lives in service of.

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1) Reflect

It's easier to show than tell, I took the time to do the process and review why I felt like shit recently:

My purpose at the moment was trash.

2) Define tangible objectives

Now we're aware of what's not working. We need to think about what is desirable for where we actually want to go.

Awareness + desire + knowledge, that combination will get you to the point of action.

I can't tell you what's important in your life. That is for you to do (wooooo scary woooo).

Sit down with a pen and paper, and limit yourself to 5 minutes on each:

  • Picture what and where you want to be in 3 months
    -> write that shit down
  • Picture what and where you want to be in 6 months
    -> write that shit down
  • Picture what and where you want to be in 1 year
    -> write that shit down
  • Picture what and where you want to be in 5 years
    -> write that shit down

A pen and paper gets it into your thick skull better, (typing doesn't stimulate the same neural pathways). And a time limit forces you to act, no time limit = trash thoughts.

Look at what you wrote, you'll notice some themes coming through that are things you want to achieve. Holy shit, you now have objectives.

To help you out, here's some examples of mine:

Yours will be different!

3) Refine a vision/purpose

Woujo talks about having transcendent purpose. And this is the key step above this. That ties these together, and keeps you striving even if you achieve a minor victory.

The way I'd think about this is companies like Apple. They may have an objective to get the largest market share in phone sales for 2020. If they achieve it great, but they won't suddenly flounder because they did it.

No because they're working towards something bigger:

We believe that we are on the face of the earth to make great products and that's not changing.

For you or I.. this is where it gets a little tricky. What's our North Star? The thing we track towards and although we may never get there, we'll try our hardest to get close.

It's also hard because it feels uncomfortable and a little cringey. A purpose? A mission statement? Fuck off Bongolese.

Embrace the cringe or be forever mediocre.

I'd suggest:

  • Read your objectives
  • Go exercise
  • Go to sleep
  • Come back to it and what is core to you will come

For me that transcendent purpose is about being a Zen warrior. When I was growing up mystics like Dogen Zenji, Alan Watts, all those people were very inspirational. Am I ever gonna get to this purpose? I'm going to try. And my objectives and the actions I take to achieve them will sure as shit get me closer - to that ideal of a mindful, thoughtful and rounded person that is fully engaged in the ephemeral dance of life.

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4) Create actions to achieve objectives

Now you have some shit that means something to you. You have objectives to head towards. Now you want to create a plan on how to get there.

There's a multitude of ways to do this. My recommendation is:

  • Take each objective one by one
  • Apply 5 whys or a problem tree to break down why you aren't at this objective yet
  • Flip these impediments into actions you can take to get there

Once you've done this you've got a huge list of things you can be doing to make tangible progress towards your objectives.

You'll want to prioritise these and start working on them in service of your immediate goals and broader purpose. Making sure you track your progress and reflect on how it's going.

For example, my objective of being physically strong and imposing. I'm tracking through the actions I'm taking to get to sparring in a boxing ring (cardio&technique>practice>sparring) OR the additional 5kgs I want to add to my deadlift over the next 2 weeks.

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In summary

Go create your purpose and live it. Like right now. No excuses.

  1. Reflect
  2. Define tangible objectives
  3. Refine a vision/purpose
  4. Create actions to achieve objectives