Question for the committed /married dudes

DesiAntiFeminist · 2013-06-21T13:33:12+00:00

she knows why guys buy girls drinks

At this point, both of you should know that it never works for that purpose.

Honestly, if a dude was buying my girl drinks, I'd laugh and congratulate her on getting drinks for nothing.

djonmaya · 2013-06-21T13:42:10+00:00

let the chumps buy your girl drinks. i'd laugh it off. if betas are stupid enough to buy women drinks with the hopes of getting sex out of them, then ffs let them do it.

30303030303030 · 2013-06-21T13:41:37+00:00

She told you so that's a good sign. Women won't refuse a free drink.

Question is: did she tell you because you knew he was trying to fuck her or you were completely unaware of it and she told you anyway, so you know.

You need to relax. If your girl is half attractive men will hit on her. It's her job to say no and it seems like she did just that. Whether accepting a drink is ok or not well that's your call and if you told her you don't want her taking drinks from other guys she should respect that. If she will you will know soon enough.

edit: remember, watching her like a hawk will destroy your smv. Go hit (slightly, don't embarrass her by bluntly going after another woman) on other girls. Options = attractive.

Princess_Kate · 2013-06-21T17:14:03+00:00

Sorry - that was a shit test. I don't let guys buy me drinks unless they're my husband, the bartender, or I've bettered them in an argument about sports or politics. In the latter two cases, I've earned them and I know the husband would approve. Letting some random guy buy me a drink would be completely disrespectful to the husband and the guy, and telling the husband about my disrespect after the fact should only earn me his scorn.

Nutz76 · 2013-06-21T15:02:31+00:00

A guy who was hitting on my girl bought her a drink with his intentions known, and she still took the drink. She told me what happened and I told her I wouldn't allow it, and she should pay for her drinks like everyone else. It's a principle thing for me, she knows why guys buy girls drinks.

Did I handle this well?

IMO it was shit test, rationalization hamstered as wanting to be upfront and honest. She was demonstrating her SMV, namely that other men find her attractive so you better stay on your toes, testing to see if you'd be affected by it, which you were, which is why you failed this time.

Next time something like this happens, change the subject or agree & amplify. An example of Agree & Amplify:

"Oh he bought you a drink? Go back in there and get me one too, toots!" :turn her and playfully nudge her back in his direction as you give her a pat on the ass:

How you handled it with saying you don't think women should take drinks from guys if they're in a relationship, that's a talk for when the two of you are alone just hanging out. That's where you articulate your standards and expectations, and what happens if they fail to measure up.

rebuildingMyself · 2013-06-22T00:08:22+00:00

My buddy's wife told me she rejects drink offers from guys. I found that very respectable.

DesiAntiFeminist · 2013-06-21T15:08:23+00:00

It may be a cultural difference, but the whole idea of getting married so early and at such an immature age that this can happen is weird to me. We married because we are both old enough to find no fun in bars and something, so we try this family and kids path to life instead. We haven't been out anywhere else but restaurants since we know each other. 35/31. The idea of hot, young, fun loving, partying young people being married is weird to me, they can do other things than making kids yet, so why?

Anyway, I think you are right but I guess you can demonstrate instead of talk, you can go and buy some real hottie a drink, game and flirt a bit, make her feel jealous and then ask her how it felt? Sort of better lesson to demonstrate why not.

KetoJennic · 2013-06-21T23:35:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bigyellowtwinki · 2013-06-22T03:09:53+00:00

I would just suggest not going to places where guys can buy your woman a drink. Or, if it's a nice restaurant and you're waiting at the bar, politely, but firmly, tell the guy not interested. If he persists, you extricate yourself and her from the situation, no sense in going to jail white knighting your wife.

Kepaso · 2013-06-22T14:45:26+00:00

i'm married and once went to a bar with my wife and friends. A stranger didnt knew we were together bought her a drink and she refused it. Thats why i married her because it shows respect for me and loyalty. If she told me that she went on a girlfriends night withouth me and accepted a drink from a stranger, i wouldnt make a big deal of it but i would let her know i 'm disapointed with her. I D maybe take it as a shit test and tease or neg her with that.

KetoJennic · 2013-06-22T16:03:19+00:00

You handled it well. If she's your girl, she shouldn't be accepting 'favors' like that from other men.

Frankly, if she's the kind of person who will use strangers to get drinks under false pretenses, I'd think hard about how good of long-term material she is. Selfishness is not a pretty trait.

ladyuniscorn · 2013-06-21T16:56:36+00:00

I'm really trying to train this one

There is your problem. There is only so much training and conditioning you can do on another human being, they have to be willing and motivated to accept changes in their behavior.

Allowing men to buy drinks for you is unacceptable. There are lines that should and should not be crossed, being in a relationship only makes the matter worse.

JohnnK · 2013-06-21T21:06:35+00:00

You should have let him buy her drinks. Unless a dude is significantly more attractive than I am, I'll cheer her on the whole time she's getting the drinks.

roe_ · 2013-06-21T16:01:03+00:00

Did I handle this well?

Yup - a reasonable request, in a reasonable tone. Textbook boundary-setting.

culofiesta · 2013-06-21T19:12:52+00:00

Whether he stays and talks to her or buys her a drink from the other side of the bar, he's still intruding on you and your girl. If she accepts the drink he's there. She shouldn't have accepted it, especially once you made it known you didn't approve.

Are you sure she wants you to be in control?

Title	Question for the committed /married dudes
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	35
Date	June 21, 2013 1:28 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1gsjoz/question_for_the_committed_married_dudes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/question-for-the-committed-married-dudes.5012 https://theredarchive.com/post/5012

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