So this is to report a pretty successful and random Saturday, which included a really enjoyable moment of solitude / chilling by myself and having sex with two new girls, but most of all made me think a lot about my looking for a cure for Oneitis.

Noon to 6 pm – Solitude

I had went out on Friday night with a girl I met at Tinder (third date; only making out so far), so I woke up quite late on Saturday. Day was awesome (sunny after weeks of cloudy days) and I was on a great mood. Had some minor stuff to do, but decided to postpone it and enjoy the day. Texted last night's date to go out to the park and drink some wine, but she had stuff to do.

No problem. I can go by myself and enjoy myself. No pressure of day gaming or intentions of approaching new people. Just enjoy solitude and a meditative moment. Took my guitar and played some music for a couple hours, enjoying the sun and talking to people that would stop by to comment on my music.

This moment helped me remind of some truths I need to remind myself of constantly. I've been going through a separation (divorce coming soon) / oneitis process, and spending time with myself has been quite a treatment for it (together with lifting and approaching other women). Being in solitude helps me remind myself that, in the end, you are alone. You may have your family, wife, LTR, buddies, whatever, but at the end of the day such togetherness is more or less an illusion: you are by yourself. Spending time by myself helps me remind such thing, and it is helping me break through the oneitis I still have with my ex, by reminding me that I was always by myself even when I was with her, and that that oneitis is the consequence of me identifying myself with such relationship. More on this later.

7 pm to 11 pm – First lay

Got back home and had a text of last night's date, asking me to meet later. Went to her house by 8:30 pm and had some good sex.

Not much Game maneuvers here, only a couple of observations:

  • As I was reaching her panties/pussy, she said we could not "fool around" because she was on the last days of her period. Pretty weak LMR; lmao’d inside. I simply said "That's no problem for me". Kept escalating. No trace of period when I started fingering her.

  • Before escalating till sex I had dropped some slight dread game by basically making her anxious on what had I done last night after saying good-bye to her, giving her some hints on me picking up other girl. Basically, I avoided being clear when answering her question (“What did you do last night after leaving me?”) and told her she would never know the truth.

Sex was good, though she was kinda conservative and didn't want to blow me till I came (for sake of safety, I don't cum inside them even with condoms). She's 29 y.o., world traveler, drug user, long-time single (aka, CC rider), but extremely affectionate and enjoyable conversationalist.

I made the mistake of telling her, after sex, that my name was not the name I use in Tinder. Not that I'm hiding something; I just hate giving that much information to apps, and I don't have a FB account. She went nuts saying that she felt she had had sex with a stranger, etc. I ended up leaving and feeling I would not see her again. I tried not to fall into the trap of arguing the point; just said "Never intended to make you feel bad. I even introduced you to some friends", and stick to my guns. (On the following day she texted me back and we hung out again).

11:30 pm to 4 am – Second lay

I got back home, a little sad with me feeling "I had lost her" – developing Oneitis alert! We are both staying temporarily in this city for more or less the same amount of time, so we have talked about making some trips around and stuff like that.

But night was young and I was aware of what was going on with that developing oneitis. I started texting some other girls to see if they were out or going out, and one of them answered. 21 y.o., HB 7ish, college senior. We had never hung out before; just texted a little bit on Tinder / text.

She was about to head out with some friends (one of them, a gay friend) to a gay bar. Although not being very fond of gay bars, I said to myself "let's give it a try; in the worst case scenario it will be a fun story". BTW, I have learned that that’s a good mindset to try new things (like here, going to a random gay bar at midnight to meet a girl for the first time). Even if the whole thing sucked, you will have a good story to tell your friends / new girls.

Got to the bar/club by 12:50 am and met her. She looked good and was very touchy so I escalated pretty quickly. Had both of us have a tequila shot and kissed her right after finishing the shot. She LOVED it. Then I told her to go to a salsa dancing bar she didn't know (she's a white Mexican-American so I assumed she would like it). Went there and had a lot of fun. She was not the most experienced dancer, which allowed me to show off a little bit of that, and she also loved it.

Place closed at 2 am. Told her "It's early. Let's go to my place to play some music in the guitar". We went there and within 20 minutes we were having sex.

Sex was extremely good. She had good stamina and energy and could keep up with me for almost 2 hours (with a couple of breaks to drink some water). She liked it very rough (choking, hard biting, slapping, hair pulling).

Some Game considerations:

  • Push/pull: all this time I kept teasing her, like telling her she was a bad kisser, bad dancer, bad Mexican-American because she cannot pronounce the hard “r” sound, etc.

  • Always start/end the making out: I would always finish the kissing / making out, and many times when she would look for a kiss I would avoid it just to tease her. Always be the one starting, and especially ending, the kissing / making out.

  • Dancing: I cannot stress enough how this can be a huge edge on some girls, especially in America where only a small percentage of guys know how to dance Salsa and related styles. Huge opportunity for kino and peacocking.

  • Always be escalating: this is pretty basic but easy to forget. If you’re not escalating, you are probably doing something wrong. Take the risk and go for the kiss when you feel like it’s the moment – probably it’s kinda late already.

  • Be dominant and in control: during foreplay she jumped on my lap and said "I like to be in control". To which I said, "Well, you will not be in control this time". And immediately lifted her up and took her to my bed. That drove her nuts. I called the shots the whole session.

  • Learn to control yourself to last longer: there are a lot of resources online and in this reddit too. Learn to enjoy the process (the fucking/thrusting) more than the outcome (the orgasm). I find that telling myself that I will not come inside her even with a condom on has helped me a lot in this department. She could not stop praising how long I lasted, etc. Of course, she being 21 y.o. she might have not experienced to many “older” guys (I am 29 y.o.).

At about 4 am we both went to sleep.

5 am – Late night reflections on oneitis

I was having trouble falling asleep, so I spent some time thinking.

Even then, after having gotten laid with 2 different girls (each for the first time) in less than half a day, the feelings for my Oneitis were still creeping there. Fuck, I thought that you cured Oneitis by sleeping with other girls! I doubt it is like that, especially for long-time Oneitis that involve a lot of feelings, like mine (e.g., marriage, honeymoon, miscarriages, fertility struggles).

It was like that blue-pill Kenny Chesney song, "I can go out every night of the week, / Can go home with anybody I meet, / But it's just a temporary high, / 'Cause when I close my eyes / I'm somewhere with you."

And really, I was laying beside this 21 y.o. whose brains I had just fucked out and who had blew me and swallowed my cum after really good, long and rough sex, and was still thinking in my Oneitis with who would barely suck my dick from time to time under the shower.

What the fuck I was doing wrong?

It seems Oneitis is not so much of pedestalizing the other person by herself, but of identifying yourself with herself and your relationship. It is about you fantasizing about your past history and future plans so much that you are that past and future history. In the end, you are not yourself, but you are your relationship. That is how men love (see Rollo Tommasi’s “Men in love”). So when the relationship ends, it is somehow the equivalent of a psychological death. It's not surprising then that guys can commit suicide (at the lowest point after my separation, I fantasized about it).

That's why the most relevant moment of last Saturday regarding my Oneitis was not so much the two lays that took place in the evening / midnight, but rather the hours I spent by myself in the park having fun by myself.

It seems that after ending a long term relationship in which you had developed a strong Oneitis with a lot of feelings and memories, you gotta learn to redefine yourself as yourself, not "you and her" or "us". You are a man, and men built civilization and waged wars. You can go through a separation.