From red pill to blue pill, all in one night. Hindsight, I see it all unfolding after the fact. I'm absolutely raging at myself.

This is the second time I went out with this girl, she gave me her address the first time, but I said fuck that come to my house instead (since I lived closer). Well, she didn't, and it was a pain in the ass to make new plans later. (In this case, I should have just said okay and then fucked her--I wouldn't be dealing with any bs right now, but I was so concerned with 'doing exactly what I want to do').

I've been solid. I've told her where to meet me. When to meet me. I haven't asked for her input, and she just does it. Then tonight, I say lets get out of here, we kiss outside, and then I fucking blue pill all the way home alone.

I tell her, "I want you to come back to my house." She makes an excuse for the morning and I shrug it off. She puts her shit in her own car and walks with me toward my truck. She stops by the door and says, "but seriously...I have to do X in the morning" and I say, "It's up to you."

WHAT THE FUCK SELF!? She just went with you, compliant. I could have changed this whole situation with two words. "Get in" and she would have. I know she would have; but, I didn't even think of it then. Seriously, I let my pet tug on the leash and just let go. I let her dictate what was going to happen--despite the fact I knew she wanted to fuck since the first time we went out!!

The only recovery I see here, without being seen as a chump, is fucking her well and making her want more. I can do that, but now there's a shitload of pressure on the next time we setup a meet up. I kind of want to call her and say, 'Yeah, there's a lot of pressure. Good. Next time I see you I'm going to fuck you'; and just leave it at that.

(Well, I need to chill the fuck out and keep playing it like I was playing it--sex: not a big deal.)

My past self would be so pleased with finally kissing her. Now I'm just pissed off at myself. I hedged instead of just being completely honest with myself. I'm not sure what to do next. (I'm going to not care & focus on more important things.) She'll msg me in time no doubt, but I really don't want to follow this blue pill path I started to pave! (so I'll be more aggressive some other time after escalating things. End of story.)