I’m sure if you watch or follow any RP creators out there you’ve heard it spoken of as one of the great double standards of the dating marketplace…how women can have such lofty expectations and it’s her having “standards”, but if a man has boundaries of any kind he’s instantly “controlling” and “insecure”.

But have you ever really stopped to think about this concept? Have you ever thought about what your theoretical boundaries are? I’m not talking about the prototypical “must drop her male friends/not have personal social media/etc”, but more intrinsic boundaries that pertain specifically to your personality, physical, mental and emotional needs and desires?

In formulating my own over time, I’ve come to realize a few things:

  • It is a psychologically jarring experience, because we as men in particular in our former BP world were conditioned to not only not have standards at all, but to supplicate to women’s. It “feels” uncomfortable at first because you’re not used to putting your needs ahead of others.
  • For that same reason, most women are thrown off by it. It’s the programming…and because of that programming, your boundaries are highly likely to end potential relationships before they ever start. That’s not your fault. Most women are simply not conditioned to cater to men. It’s you who has to reprogram her. Your boundaries are a part of that.
  • You need to be congruent for these boundaries to even be taken seriously. Like much of what we have as RP aware men, it’s not a right but a privilege earned by raising our value. Any conditions you set need to be conducive to the benefit you give to a woman for her meeting those conditions. The greater the benefit, the more weight your boundaries will hold.

The takeaway here if anything is that you will feel a certain level of discomfort setting and stating your boundaries at first, but this should in no way deter you from it. Stick to your guns, hold to your standards, and if they repel any woman who you had interest in, treat it like a dodged bullet. This is all part in parcel of knowing your worth as a man and respecting your needs and desires, not putting hers (or anyone’s) ahead of your own.