SUPERCOMMUNICATORS

This post is a summary of the first half of Charles Duhigg’s appearance on The Modern Wisdom Podcast. Duhigg is the author of the book Supercommunicators. The episode is worth checking out if you want to improve your communication skills, or just learn a different way to view communication in general.

3 TYPES OF INTERACTIONS

Communication is the homo sapien’s superpower. It differentiates us from our ancestors, and empowers our dominance of the planet. As such, in general it can be categorised into three types of interactions;

  1. Practical; Problem solving.

  2. Emotional; empathy seeking.

  3. Social; how one relates to another and society at large.

4 SKILLS OF SUPERCOMMUNICATORS

These are the 4 skills put forth as key to effective communication;

  1. Ask more deep questions; deep questions ask others about their values, beliefs and experiences. Focusing on how someone feels invites them to expand more on themselves, creating broader avenues to find commonalities. Building better rapport. ’There’s a sense of being seen, when somebody asks you a question about how did that make you feel.’ - C.W.

  2. Prove you’re listening; looping for understanding is a process to this end. First after a respondent says something, ask a deep question, listen to the answer, summarise their point back to them in your own words, then finally ask ‘did I get this right?’ Or ‘did I hear you correctly?’ As you are asking for permission to acknowledge that you are listening. Which increases the likelihood of the respondent returning that investment by listening to you. Basic social reciprocity.

  3. Understand vulnerability; when a respondent shares something that others could judge, it creates a sense of vulnerability. Which acts a litmus test for trust. If one responds poorly or misuses that information, it signals they are untrustworthy. Conversely if one does not judge, and more powerfully responds by genuinely sharing their own vulnerabilities, it empowers trust.

  4. Recognise the type of interaction; means one can more efficiently match the type of interaction, improving the quality of the conversation. Additionally when a conversation is good two people’s bodies start to match physically like body language, breathing, heart rate, and even pupil dilation. More importantly, thoughts, the same neural pathways and brain activity match too. Meaning the more aligned our thinking and brain activity becomes the bigger the increase in connection, understanding and most importantly enjoyment. A process known as neural entrainment. Conversely, when an interaction is misaligned, one party might be using a different part of the brain. Say focusing the conversation upon emotion, thus using the basal ganglia. Whilst the respondent might respond practically. Primarily using the prefrontal cortex. Decreasing connection, understanding and quality. Highlighting the power of correctly recognising and matching the type of interaction two people maybe attempting to share.

CONCLUSION

This is a brief overview of just some of the science of interactions, conversations and communication in general. Towards informing how one views and ultimately masters the skill of communication.

Best wishes for the new year and godspeed and good luck!