Summary: A collection of thoughts and anecdotes regarding demonstrating value and gaming girls.

At age 18 I went to London and got a job and have worked hard since to get a decent wage. My peers went to university and got in £50,000 of debt. (~$75,000)

For some of the time while I was working and they were at uni, I liked being that guy that would always buy the rounds of drinks at a bar for the group. I don't regret buying drinks for pals as the odd £10 doesn't really phase me. However, I do feel amused in hindsight that through this sort of act alone I thought I would have elevated status amongst the group and, by extension, could close any girl with no effort. Almost like "oooh /u/Darkredsubmarine, you bought some drinks for all of us. You're so kind. Please, let me go suck your dick for you".

I vividly recall a time in a nightclub, about 2 years into my job, thinking to myself "my career is going really well and I earn a lot of money and I buy people drinks but no one wants to come jump by bones. These girls are all stupid."

Quite funny really. Fortunately, I've shaken off these beliefs and did so quite quickly.

Sadly though, I see a lot of guys, young and old with almost this exact mentality. In pubs, clubs and other contexts. Now that I'm aware of how I used to be, I can't help but cringe when I see it.

BP Dating Examples

How many times do you see guys say "can I buy you drink" and then get nowhere. Especially in a club environment when the girl straight-up fucks off after being served. I'm not angry at this. It's who they are. Fuck, if someone said to me "you want a free beer with no consequences", I'd probably take it.

Better would be to start a conversation, gauge interest, escalate if you can and if you feel so inclined, get some drinks down the line.

How many times have you seen guys take girls on elaborate dates - even first dates - and it end up going nowhere?

Better would be to have short dates like coffee. 20 minutes. £10. Gauge interest and maybe put effort into date #2 if you feel so inclined.

How many guy's actions can you summarise as a covert contract: "I'll get this shit for you/buy these drinks for you/bring you in as VIP/--whatever--/orbit and I expect you to give me sex and affection"?

It's just not how it works.

The BP mindset

Now, I certainly grew up with a strong BP mindset. That I need to treat girls with respect and put them on a pedestal and put their needs above my own and give them a Disney wedding and blah blah blah. I used to think "grrr look at that guy in the club being all disrespectful and slapping girl's bums and teasing them". It's not how I act in this situation, even now, but importantly.. I'm not angry when other people do. He's clearly stating his intentions so good luck to him.

This indoctrination of being BP and being a SJW even is so powerful. A friend Someone I was with a few nights ago said "I don't want to go to a strip club because I don't want to objectify the girls there and pay them to dance for me". To each their own if you don't want to go.. but there's an implication of shaming those that do, which is unnecessary and uncool. The girls know what they're doing and get paid a lot of money to do so.

Another example - the family of a good friend of mine owns a nightclub close to where we live. This means the friend and I [and group] get in free, queue-jump, cloakroom, drinks, whatever. Occasionally, the friend brings in girls and gets them drinks too etc but then just sucks with everything else. It's like his mindset is "I get you in for free and get you drinks means you stay with me all night and we bang at the end, irrespective of how boring I actually act during the rest of the night".

This could work incredibly for him. VIP status and all that. But he gives it away willy-nilly to girls who are clearly going fuck off after they get their free shit. He doesn't vet them and ensure they earned it in some way.

Too many people I see go about gaming girls the way they were taught to growing up or on TV. By giving them stuff (including validation). Or by treating them as superhuman beings. Or by going all-out for them prematurely in terms of romantic gestures.

Stop putting women on a pedestal. Treat them like a normal person child. Give them rewards when they act well and punish when they act badly. Focus on being an awesome adult in the big, wide world in the meantime.

Lessons learned:

  • As obvious as it sounds and no matter who you are, you still need to put in effort to game girls. Work on yourself and demonstrate real value. They don't come to you.
  • Don't give away your time/stuff/commitment too quickly or easily. It won't help your cause.
  • Use what you do have to your advantage if a girl has demonstrated they have earned it from you.
  • Accept both guys and girls for who they are and don't get angry or butthurt when stuff doesn't go how your ideology would like it to go.
  • Don't be a SJW.. no ones likes that.
  • Aside, but important: seriously consider the debt implications of going to college/university.