What follows is the extremely abridged version of my early 20s. The TL;DR is the title of this post. Enjoy!

When I was a younger man, I was taught that unconditional love was the highest form of love. If you had asked me to make a hierarchy of love that ranked the value of the various forms of love, carnal love would have been at the bottom, and unconditional love would have been at the top. My reasoning would have been that carnal love places selfish expectations upon a beloved other that are immoral, whereas unconditional love meant devoting oneself to that beloved other without consideration for oneself. At the time, I was especially impressed with Aristotle's definition of ideal friendship, which is that state of reciprocal love that exists between two men who concern themselves selflessly with the needs of the other.

Although I am absolutely not a Christian, nevertheless, I found myself under the terrible spell of their conception of sexuality. What I unambiguously desired was meaningful sexual intimacy with high-value women, but I was ashamed of what it took to get women sexually attracted to me. I had a mediocre understanding of game, no access to TRP, and had yet to fully accept the awful truth about women. I refused to accept that if I wanted to get laid, it was best for me to proceed by getting drunk and not giving a fuck at a party. I felt that men who behaved that way were boors, and that what girls really craved was sex with a man who was intelligent, and respectful, in addition to being good in bed.

Naturally, I was completely fucking mystified throughout my early 20s. I would have woman in my thrall, ripe for the plucking, and sufficiently impressed by my intelligence and attractiveness, but when I spoke to them about my desire to have sex with them respectfully, intellectually, and conscientiously, their vaginas dried up faster than prunes in the Gobi, and it wasn't a week until I found out they couldn't stop themselves from making out with some bro at the bar who couldn't possible have respected them as much as I did. I was bewildered! I would take their word that I was "doing everything right" and that I was "a really great guy", but couldn't understand why, in spite of all that praise, they "just didn't feel that way about me." Then I'd meet some lower-value girl, not give a shit about her, fuck her the same night, and wonder why that experience was forbidden from me with the high-value girls I cared about so much.

To make matters worse, I found myself playing Best Friends Time Ho with an emotionally retarded girl, who was also a long-time family friend. It was steaming bullshit, because her status as a family friend made it very difficult for me to justify walking away, but mostly because I deliberately dedicated myself to loving her unconditionally. At the outset of our relationship I learned that she had "trust issues", and a general difficulty being intimate with men, but sadly my youthful ignorance meant I couldn't recognize these as the symptoms of sexual abuse. So, knowing not what I had done, and thinking myself virtuous, I set about trying to unconditionally love a broken girl into being a fulfilling sexual partner by walking the long and lonely road of friendship. It wasn't until much later that I learned that this is a beta males' standard operating procedure, and that it never works, especially not with broken girls.

Looking back, what sickens me the most is that I ever believed that unconditionally loving a girl such as her was not only virtuous, but effective at generating attraction. I really thought I was doing the right thing, but I was just another hapless guy who mistakenly thought of women as banks where I could invest good deeds in exchange for sex. I behaved like a classic beta, but in my defence, I was at an extremely feminized university, I was bereft of a strong community of TRP men, and I had been told all my life that unconditional love was the highest form of love their is. That may still be true, but unconditional love is appropriate for parents who have children to save, and saints who have congregations to feed, but not for young men who want to have sex with attractive women. The basis of unconditional love is selfless sacrifice without consideration for return on investment, whereas sex with attractive women depends upon the kind of selfishness that Ayn Rand eloquently describes in the following passage from "Atlas Shrugged": "No matter what corruption [a man is] taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment–just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!–an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.”

IF YOU WANT TO AROUSE WOMEN, AND REAP THE WHIRLWIND OF SEXUALITY THAT RESULTS THEREOF, YOU MUST NOT LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY. When you unconditionally love a woman with whom you desire sexual intimacy, you effectively communicate that no matter what she does, no matter how low-value she is, no matter how awfully she behaves, no matter how little she deserves your attention, you will still give her the same quality of attention you would give to a girl who made you blueberry pancakes after you fucked her in the ass. Suffice to say, if you expect nothing of someone, you get nothing from them. If you fail to establish boundaries, they walk all over you. After all, why should anyone pay for your attention with sex when they get all of your attention for free, without any conditions, expectations, or boundaries? Unconditional love may be well and good for Jesus, but he celebrated the meek as though they were as blessed as the strong, and sacrificed himself for a world that doesn't care. Not really, anyway.

I turned everything around when I graduated. I was so disgusted with my own stupidity that I cut off all contact. It was the best decision I ever made. I had yet to find TRP, so I had yet to really figure out why everything didn't work like I thought it should. In the mean time I worked on a farm that absorbed all the time I had, and I regularly smashed an ex who happened to be in town, and bored. She absolutely loved how changed I was from what I had once been. I was bolder, more assertive, unapologetic, and ravenous. And now, a year later, as I write these very words, I'm sitting in bed beside an adorable girl who's fast asleep. I am here because I love her conditionally. I am here because of TRP. I am here because I have clear expectations, and because I set strong boundaries. I have the commitment, the trustworthyness, and the captaincy. She has the sexuality, the loveliness, and the culinary skills. We voluntarily exchange what we have, and as far as we're both concerned, it's a good fucking deal.

Unconditional love is extremely retarded. Conditional love is the essence of TRP.