Where do I start? Self esteem, be a man?? ADVICE

iwasbornred · 2017-06-09T23:32:48+00:00

Be aggressive. That's rule number one.

Number two: you are the 5 people you spend the most time with. You need some irl alpha friends.

Everything you need is in the sidebar. There are a lot of individual things that could be addressed, but you need to truly absorb the foundation of red pill knowledge. That's the most important thing at this point.

890520 · 2017-06-09T20:59:33+00:00

not much self esteem to be found around these parts, try to build self value independently

NoFapColdShower · 2017-06-10T15:40:27+00:00

Go read the book "No more Mister nice guy" if you get a chance. Its pretty much meant for dudes with your exact issue. A lot of people on TRP also recommend this book. Its definitely a game changer for a lot of guys on here.

But the general advice I would give you is the same basic advice that the book would give you. Start doing things for yourself.

and for gods sake. If you haven't already, read the fucking side bar. If you do that it should be obvious to you what you need to do.

MattyAnon · 2017-06-10T17:17:09+00:00

very co dependent on my wife

You probably unconsciously and non-verbally try to GET things from your wife. Verbal or non-verbal reassurance, approval, etc. Stop doing this, just cut it out. YOU are responsible for your own feelings, cut yourself free of needing anything from her.

You are probably conflict avoidant. While I don't advocate creating conflict, learn to be ok to be in disagreement and don't try to resolve this. Wife says you need to take the trash out, you don't want to? Just don't do it. DO NOT try to get her to verbally agree that her request is unreasonable. Be ok with conflict and disagreement and don't NEED to resolve it (women use male need to resolve conflict to exact control).

I tend to try to please everybody and never ask for help.

Independence is good. But do get other people to help - ideally by telling them what to do and delegating. DO NOT try to please people. Cut this behaviour out as much as you can. Nothing will change for the worse (after a little shit testing which you'll pass because you no longer resolve conflict).

We work together and everyday i run to her on the drop of a dime when she needs something.

The word you need is "no". No explanation, no fighting, no justification. "no". That's IT. No reason. No issue. Just don't do it and carry on as before. If you can't say no, you are her bitch and she hates you.

, I let my kids get away with everything

This is bad parenting.

I'm just passive, I don't care but this is hurting me and my marriage. She even says my son isn't man enough cause I am not man enoug

She's right.

. I feel at home is where my issues start cause if I feel unfilled the rest follows.

No, the issue is YOUR need for approval.

I was diagnosed with general anxiety a while back and I think this plays a role in me over thinking everything but I can't make a decision my damn self.

You have trained yourself to believe that you can cooperate with people and get the right result. This is not the case. The reality is you are weak and needy and you have to fix this or you'll always just be someone else's stepping stone, and your children will suffer for it. As you have done due to your own lack of father figure.

But even when I do make a decison, shell come around and change it, etc.

Change it back.

How do I fix or where do I begin with some of these aspects of being a man, owning my shit, and showing my wife to respect me and listen to what I want and have to

Just do it and weather the consequences.

Self esteem - fuck this, just live the best life you can and this will flow from that.
passive - err... just don't be passive
just fucking DO something.

Bottom line just need some kick in the nuts great advice on how to get my wife to respect me, as well as everyone, how to carry myself as a man and be more productive

Now you are putting responsibility on US to sort out YOUR life.

Look, somewhere...somehow... you need the motivation to change. You can do it, but you have to really want to. I don't think you do.

Your problems are caused by you, and only you can fix it. But you have to want to do it really badly. And I don't think you do. But if you do, I've given specific things you can do above.

TRP_MushaShugyo · 2017-06-10T01:20:27+00:00

Check out Corey Wayne's stuff in youtube and DEFinitely read his book- you can even read it free on his website.

studentsensei · 2017-06-10T15:26:23+00:00

Listen to "I'll make a man out of you" from the Disney movie Mulan.

NeoreactionSafe · 2017-06-10T12:12:28+00:00

Who is the Commanding Officer?

Is it you or your wife?

What you need to do is be the commander and accept no other role.

Masculinity means you command.

It's that simple.

You have to abandon the idea that your wife is your mommy.

...and if you are in the military and have never been an officer you are in really bad shape because all you have known is how to obey orders when you must be the one that gives the orders.

Order giving is Alpha. (don't forget Game which is manipulation... hidden power)
Order following is Beta.

RareAlphaMale · 2017-06-10T00:15:14+00:00

I'll tell you where not to start, here. TheRedPill is essentially a community of self admitted betas who desperately wish they were alpha.

The men on here who claim to be alpha because they spent a few hours reading self help books and signed up at a gym are no different from the day they hit an all time low and googled "how to be alpha" and found this sub

Listen, take some advice from a genuine alpha male because you're never going to get this opportunity again. I rarely even converse with inferiors but you mentioned you're in the army so that puts you slightly near my level.

If everyone was alpha how could I possibly be alpha? Do you think I simply chose to be superior? If we could just choose then the social stratum wouldn't exist.

I was born alpha. I started middle school at age 5 because I was so self assured and independent while other children were terrified of new social situations. In high school, I was dominate from day one. Earning my respect was essential if you wanted to have a chance with girls, being on a first name basis with me gave you social status and those who weren't, probably ended up on this sub.

So my advice is, don't put energy into trying to become an alpha because it's not possible. You're better off befriending one to gain social status. Although true alphas don't surround themselves with betas it's still possible to become an acquaintance.

Title	Where do I start? Self esteem, be a man?? ADVICE
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	June 9, 2017 8:45 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6gb59h/where_do_i_start_self_esteem_be_a_man_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/where-do-i-start-self-esteem-be-a-man-advice.43871 https://theredarchive.com/post/43871

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