Take Note: The Internet is Not Your Friend • r/relationship_advice

bitcoin-optimist · 2022-01-04T19:48:09+00:00

Original thread post in /r/relationship_advice:

TLDR: I (32F) broke up with my 12-year partner (34M) because I was very unhappy in the relationship. All I received from others & Reddit was support that I was doing the right thing. I'm sure we still love each other but I don't think we can ever be together again because the breakup has permanently scarred our relationship. Don't make the same mistake I did and please think long and hard if you want to lose the good parts of your relationship before breaking up.

> I'm using a burner account.

A year and a half ago I (32F) broke up with my long-term partner (34M) of 12 years. We met in college, and were each other's first and only serious relationship. We were for many years deeply in love but for the last year in our relationship I felt like I was missing living my life and felt trapped unable to invest in the relationship the same way he was willing to.

We lived together for 9 years but were temporarily doing LDR for career purposes. During a year or so our relationship went through a very rough period: he became distant, I started crushing on and flirting with other people but never physically cheating. He stopped initiating sex. I wasn't excited about him anymore to do it. I talked with friends and then asked for a break which took him by surprise and he didn't take it easily. A lot happened in these few weeks that permanently scarred our relationship: he was obsessed with me, we would hook up with each other frequently, he would chase me while I chased others and we both hurt each other a lot. We did get back together officially after a few weeks, but honestly I just didn't care about it anymore while he wanted me to rekindle.

Even though we got back together, I still wanted to live the rest of my young years before I settled, somehow find myself, have sex with other people, explore other relationships, invest more in my career, I was tired of having to see him, etc. I turned to Reddit, blogs, social media, etc, and found in this subreddit examples of people who went through similar stages, lots of supportive advice to break up and how I shouldn't feel bad for not loving him anymore like I did before and that I shouldn't feel that I am wrong for not being willing to work on the relationship anymore. Lots of happy stores of people who moved on. My friends were also all supportive of my decision. I cared about him too and wanted him to be happy and to find someone who loved him as much as he loved me and I was convinced I was no longer that person.

I showed all of this to him and he was adamant that we could work together on my feelings and the shortcomings of the relationship. He was super invested to make it work and I was not. It was sad to see him love me in a way that I was no longer loving him. I broke up with him again thinking that this would be best for both of us to accept that while it was good while it lasted, we should move on with our lives.

He immediately went no-contact, which took me by surprise. I did reach out every once in a while to make sure he was OK but neither of us tried to rekindle the relationship. I started working on myself. I dated and hooked up with other people, went beyond my comfort zone. It was fun to finally be free but as time passed I felt more and more alone and missing him and our relationship. Until I reached out to him several months ago and told him that I wanted to try things again. He told me he was in another relationship. Part of me expected he would still want to get back together. I cried so much for days like I had never cried before.

We still talk every once in a while. I care so much about him and I know he also cares about me. But after all we've done to each other and us not working on our relationship when we could, I don't think it can ever work again. I'm happy for him that he's trying to move on, but I hate that I lost him. I love him so much and in hindsight I don't think I've ever not loved him.

I'm extremely sad that I lost someone so important to me. I'm sad that we are two people who love each other but are so scarred that we can never be together again.

I love myself, I am young and conventionally attractive, I am healing, doing therapy and am sure I can find love again, but I deeply regret not listening to his side of the story and I regret not trying harder when I could. I had an amazing relationship and it sucks that I lost what he tried so hard to preserve. I learned from my mistakes and will not make the same mistake in my future relationships, but at what cost?

I had no way of knowing that I would be filled with regret, but I wish I had a third person tell me that it could be a mistake. I was blind-sighted and all I seemed to get was support from my friends and the internet that I was doing the right thing. I hope I can be the other side for you, if you're reading this.

After talking with others & my therapist, I am finding out that this trauma is very common but very infrequently > discussed. Almost nobody wants to admit they love their ex more than their current partner. Please avoid the same mistake if you can.

MadBlackGreek · 2022-03-14T18:54:14+00:00

Even sites like Tik Tok, which comes straight out of Communist-AF China, favors feminazis over men.

MadBlackGreek · 2022-03-14T18:55:28+00:00

The link is DOA!

Title	Take Note: The Internet is Not Your Friend • r/relationship_advice
Author	bitcoin-optimist
Upvotes	12
Comments	4
Date	January 4, 2022 7:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPillStories
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPillStories/comments/rw2wzk/take_note_the_internet_is_not_your_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPillStories/take-note-the-internet-is-not-your-friend.1094599 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094599

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