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[–]naturopathicfantasti1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I can tell you really want this but honey what the hell is wrong with actually dating people you can date? It’s easy to fall in with men you already know. In this case, hell no on all points. You’re setting yourself up For a shit show.
Not only are LDR an absolute horrible idea, dating men who even travel often for work is guaranteed to wreck your life. These men have no accountability, period.
You’ve never met him IRL? No
You’re LEAVING THE COUNTRY TO SEE HIM... for your first meeting? Fuck no! No!
Military dude? Usually F no. (I know you said your dad is and is a good man) but most are abusive and cheat often sense they are surrounded by other men who cheat often.
Date a man who you can see and don’t waist your life waiting by a phone on a call from a man who you can’t possibly vet in any way.
[–]secretsbetween 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]heidiooohs1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for your response! So I’d like to address your response with a bit more nuance/details about the situation
1.) I understand initial concerns dating a military man. I’ve heard the stories. But it does entirely depend on how they enlisted and rank too. An enlisted infantry man who joined straight out of HS will be very different than say a college graduate O2, including the kinds of friends they keep and military culture they have. His particular world is very family oriented and values traditional values. In order to maintain the rank this guy I’m talking to has, you do have to exemplify exceptional character. Also I’m not sure if this is common knowledge, but there’s an actual military law that criminalizes adultery for married couples (https://smarterdivorcesolutions.com/the-high-stakes-of-adultery-in-the-military/) and it comes with huge consequences, especially for higher up ranks. Is the advice that I should never date a military man? because I have a hard time believing that
2.) I’m not going to Japan specifically for him.!8 bought this ticket months again planning to travel anyways. The difference is now, we plan to meet up and go out on dates. As long as I’m following HVF rules I feel like this should be okay, but I don’t know...
3.) He’s been nothing but consistently kind and attentive and thoughtful to me. He reaches out to me often. I certainly don’t feel like I have to wait around for him. He’s a friend I’ve grown to really appreciate and I can see a future with him. I just need to meet him first and see what it’s like to be around him physically (without having sex with him of course)
4.) Where I live, I feel like there’s nothing but manchildren, LVM, and fuckboys. I feel like online dating can be a gift cause you can really cast a wide net and find someone who meets you on the same intellectual, spiritual, mental level.
5.) when he confessed to me how he felt, it wasn’t my looks that was the first thing he mentioned; it was my intellect, curiosity, smooth flowing conversation, similar values/goals, etc...then of course the fact he thinks I’m beautiful.
Should I really not meet up with him and give this a chance?
[–]secretsbetween 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sea_Soil1 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
IMO, long distance relationships aren't relationships. Especially when you've never even met.
Also, the guy gets to put in basically minimal effort. Why are you going to him? Is he pursuing you or is it the other way around?
You've only been "talking" for a few months but are already thinking about marriage? Slow down. You have on your rose colored lenses and I think you're infatuated with this guy.
[–]heidiooohs1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I hear you. I did recently cut off a guy I was vetting. I’m not jumping into marriage but it’s good to know that we both want the same thing. It sounds like the majority of ya’ll are not fans of long distance relationships, especially if we haven’t met in person.
Again I was not going to Japan specifically for him when I bought my ticket. It just seems if I’ll be out there anyways we may as well meet up in person and see if there’s chemistry.
Thanks for the advise
[–]Sea_Soil1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Have you read the handbook?
[–]heidiooohs1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
And no I was not talking to this guy romantically while in a relationship. He opened up to me after the fact.
[–]Sea_Soil1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Right, but clearly he saw you that way regardless of your relationship status.
Sounds like he pounced on the opportunity (without giving you enough time, mind you) and was an orbiter the whole time. I don't trust those types of guys.
[–]heidiooohs1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I see what you’re saying. I will keep that in consideration. At the very least this reenforces the idea not to get emotionally invested in any way until I see true effort on his part. I should definitely keep dating/vetting in the meantime
[–]eveninghopeFDS Specialist 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link