Getting over a lvm - SOS

BabyGothQ · 2021-03-26T03:56:41+00:00

Accept that you still care about him despite his status as a LVM. Allow yourself to fully feel your feelings about it. Grieve the relationship. Forgive yourself for still caring about him, for being with him in the first place, for shaming yourself for having feelings. Express your anger and sadness.

shinyblacksyrup · 2021-03-26T11:08:14+00:00

Did you feel like if you just did X or if you were just more Y then he would want you more, care about you more, become a better man for you, or want more of a future with you?

When someone refuses to acknowledge our value it can make us fixate on wanting to prove ourselves to them. That's not pathetic - you were treated unjustly and facing injustice makes you want justice. It's especially difficult when a LVM treats you badly, because you think they of all men should recognise your worth and appreciate you!

But, for whatever reason, he won't provide that to you. It doesn't matter if you reengage with him, he'll just give you more of the same. Good news is that he hasn't got a monopoly on validation - you can validate yourself.

I recommend writing out absolutely every thought you have in relation to him. Get it all out. Have the conversations on paper and play his part too - what do you wish he would have said to you, done for you? How you're feeling isn't about him - you already know he's a LVM. You're personalising his behaviour and elevating his opinion instead of making yourself the authority on you. Instead of wasting your energy on thinking about what he's doing now, turn the negative experience you had with him into a positive by learning everything you can about what your situation with him revealed about you.

Write until you work out the exact offences that occured and the exact insecurities that your situation with him triggered. Then you can figure out how to fix or accept those insecurities.

ENFP_Canadian · 2021-03-26T00:48:07+00:00

Was he an ex? How long were you together? I feel this way about my ex who was a narc, so understanding trauma bonds helped me begin to get over him. I've a long way to go.

If it wasn't a breakup, perhaps others can chime in. Just wanted to share that educating myself and distracting myself have helped.

cmil7731 · 2021-03-27T06:01:48+00:00

I know the feeling. I’ve done the same in the past. It was when I discovered FDS that I started to feel better about things. Reading this site and the handbook most days, listening to the Spotify playlists, and most importantly, blocking (on all platforms) the LVM I’d had taking up space in my mind helped SO much.

One LVM was a situationship of three years who cycled through love bombing / ghosting / pity / forgiveness. Others were ex’s who still followed alllll my stories on Insta.

I can’t tell you how much better I felt after blocking them. It’s such a relief to realise that you’ve cut off interactions on your terms. And it helps get over the obsessive thoughts, because instead of wondering when they’d contact me/ what they’re doing, I imagine them trying to reach out and realising they can’t! 😆 It’s a much more satisfying feeling!

Title	Getting over a lvm - SOS
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	4
Date	March 26, 2021 12:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askfds/comments/mdc978/getting-over-a-lvm-sos/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/getting-over-a-lvm-sos.1629290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1629290

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