I was seeing a guy for 6 months. His behavior was so bad I’m ashamed to admit I stayed for it all yet I can’t find it in my heart to hate him and I don’t understand why. First he acted super flaky, then he dumped me out of the blue just before my birthday under lockdown, only to come back crawling a week later. Then I found out he had been seeing another woman for the last month and a half so I left him, for what I thought was for good.

But then he came back saying the breakup made him realize how much he loved me and that he wanted to change, do better... That he wanted to treat me better than he had all his exes... He had been really good for the past month (very affectionate, cooking for me, gifts, no flaking, always on time) when I discovered he had been texting his ex everyday and she came over his place a few times. I knew she had been trying to get back with him but didn’t know it went so far. He assured me there was nothing sexual between them and that she just kept asking if she could come over and was depressed and drinking and he didn’t have the heart to say no. I left him for good, I think I had finally had enough suffering.

Since then I feel sad and I miss the cuddles and good moments. I know it was the right decision to leave but I’m not angry, despite everything. What’s wrong with me? He does blame everyone else for his behavior and says he’s not strong enough to say no... plays the victim. And I’m a people pleaser I think. I feel like it would be much easier for me to get over this relationship if I could feel anger at what he did to me and especially the fact he didn’t keep his promise to be honest this time around, instead of only remembering the good moments.

Also part of me thinks he was really trying to change and maybe he really didn’t sleep with her.. help!