It's been months. I moved to a new country, got a new job. I'm also studying and, on top of all that, I enrolled in a few art classes, which is something I always wanted to do.

But I feel like he ruined me. I'm sour. I feel like I will never be able to trust a man again. I feel unlovable. And I feel horribly lonely, even more so now that I'm stuck in this country due to covid, alone, and I cannot travel, which is one of the few things that heal my soul, or go hug my grandma, who is my biggest treasure.

I feel lonely. The nights are awful. I know recovery is not a straight line, but lately I feel there are more downs than improvement, even after seeking counsel.

I guess feeling just lonely could count as improvement since, at least, I no longer miss him, because of all the harm he caused. When I broke up with him he said he would always cherish our memories together. He even gets to keep that, I never hurt him. I don't have the luxury of "nice memories" I can't because for me, he erased them with the months he spent stringing me along at arm's length, spending weeks at a time without a word, knowing he was hurting me and not giving a shit about it. He never lost a night's sleep. And now that is all I can remember.

I know it is not the way, but I wish karma would repay him with the same amount of pain he has caused me.

And today I'm facing a new loss. I had to cut ties with a male friend because he grew tired of my now seems chronic sadness and he let me know with a string of quite cruel messages and a very high disregard for the fact that I'm human. After confronting him, he told me that instead of bitching about men being shit I should take a look at myself. Another point made in this sub about men being unable to be real friends with women.

Please, any ideas how to cope?