*I’m sorry, this is kind of ramble-y.

I’m 27F and when I’m not in a relationship I feel empty.

Aside from being in a romantic relationship, there have been two times in my life where my emptiness dissipated:

  1. My last two years of college where I had a bunch of girl roommates
  2. When I did a work-exchange program, living and working alongside other people

Both places, were in rural areas, and the experiences were only for a set period of time, so everyone leaves at some point.

My last bf was very loving and, for the 6 months I lived with him (before I got my own apartment), it was great. I slept so well there. He has a cozy house, a big backyard and two cats. Sometimes we would all fall asleep together on the couch or bed. It felt like home. It was very hard to leave, and sometimes I feel like going back.

I live close to my parents now, but I just feel a coldness with them.

I would like to move, even if it's just 30 minutes away, and I have money saved.

The thought of working at a computer for most of the day, which was my most recent job, made things more depressing.

I am thinking about going overseas with my dad to visit his large family for awhile. It’s a developing country and a very different culture and language, so I wouldn’t be able to build a life there, but it’s something.

I would eventually like to get a pet, but I just can’t right now.

I went so much of my life being disconnected from others and often just never wanted to live. The plus side was I performed really well in school because I didn’t have distractions. But after living and being around people, and being in a relationship, it’s like I can’t go back to that isolated life again.

Any thoughts are appreciated.