Have been with my bf for nearly a year now. Every time I bring up an issue that bothers me to discuss with him he starts to bring stuff up of his own and from the past (stuff we've patched up ages ago) instead rather than stay on topic to my concerns. Or he will make it about himself and his insecurities every time. Why? How do you break this cycle or will it ever change? I've talked to him about my needs when it comes to having better sex and it becomes an insult to him instead. And even when we go out together he will look at another girls ass in front me for what's supposed to be a romantic dinner out yet his response is, well no other girl he's dated has ever had an issue with it. How does that go over well for good foreplay? He will even stare at these women's faces where I've noticed and to him that some of these women have given him a mean look for doing so and he is unaware of it. I've been in those womens shoes and get more attention than he does so I know this perspective well. Sex most times don't even last long, I'm so frustrated.

Before this guy I've dated guys who were just not serious enough for a longterm relationship and I'm tired of looking and if I were honest with myself I feel like I am settling. We have a lot of pros of the relationship but if my partner can't create a safe place for my concerns (needs/wants included) to be heard then is it even worth hanging onto? If there's something I need to get a hold of or be better at with myself or anything else, I'm open to critique.

For context I'm in my 30s and he is mid 30s. He has had a longterm relationship but imo feels like he doesn't know how really good ones are supposed to be like. frustrated. help me see the light.