Finding FDS has been amazing. I've been applying it to more than just my dating life. Setting boundaries and saying no has changed my life in work situations as well as dealing with toxic family members. I'm deprogramming my Pickmeisha ways which are a result of the an incredibly sexist/anti-women cultural background that I grew up in. It will take time, but I've improved significantly compared to a year ago. Honestly FDS is like my bigger wiser sister, this sub is an absolute God send. It's been a journey of constant improvement and continues to be.

I do fear that there's one FDS principle that I might struggle to implement in the future. I want to be able to implement it if the situation ever arises. I fear that I will struggle to leave a long term relationship. I do not get attached quickly. I can keep my emotions at bay while vetting for ages. I did for up to a year with someone. After I let myself relax and love him back, his mask fell off. He actually managed to parade as a HVM for a year. Paid for dates, vacations, had very pro-women/ feminist views, seemingly had a good relationship with his mum and sister, anti-porn, etc. He spent hours planning awesome weekend trips, dates, was super caring, attentive, etc. He was always understanding about when I was busy and he loved that I have interesting hobbies. One time, I had a bad day at work where I was intimidated, and threatened. I told him about it and he left work to pick up my favourite lunch and drove 1.5 hrs (roundtrip) to come see me. Even though he knew that he could only spend 30mins ( my lunch break) consoling me in person and encouraging me to report my situation to HR and start applying for new jobs. The terrifying thing is that there were no red flags for almost a year. With evey other guys there were ALWAYS red flags, but this scrote managed to hide his true self for a whole year. He asked me to be exclusive on our third date and then to be his girlfriend a month or so later. We waited to have sex. Maybe 3-4 months in.

Even while in the relationship, I kept my guard up for months. When I finally let my guard down, almost a year in and allowed myself to love him back, his mask fell off. He went from 9 months of good, consistent treatment to intermittent good and bad treatment. I should have left immediately. Perhaps it was sunk cost fallacy and cognitive dissonance at play because I had fallen in love. But being in love made it incredibly hard to leave until the abuse got so bad that he abused me into hating him. I suppose my question is how do you leave someone you love and you've been with for so long IMMEDIATELY at the first sign of a red flag/ mistreatment? It's easier said than done because I remember how hard it was to leave initially, once I was in love, it was like I was addicted to him. I left him but it took longer than it should have and I never want to waste my time again, I want the strength to leave right away and stay gone next time. I mustered the strength to leave when I started hating him.

I'm posting this because I want to be able to leave men at the drop of a hat no matter how long I've been with them or how much I love them. How do you ladies do it or How have you Learnt to do it? I find it very easy to leave in the initial stages (0-6months) but how do you form the self discipline to immediately leave a relationship a year or more in? Please share your advice and experiences in the comments . Please be kind I'm genuinely trying to improve and actually implement more and more fds principles into my life because whatever I've applied has been working so far. I want to put me first and help other women do so as well.

Edit: incase anyone was wondering, I always showed appreciation and gratitude for the things he did before the abuse began.