Need advice on how not to compare myself.

daisyinflux · 2020-12-07T02:57:09+00:00

You are way too young to worry about being behind. Most of the people that are in relationships right now won’t be in a relationship in the next 10 years if not less.

Do yourself a favor and think back to 10 years ago at what kind of boys you were attracted to and tell me whether you’d be sure that they would be good guys for you now. All of the friends you have that are coupling up at such a young age and thinking it’s forever are, unfortunately, wrong. All of the data shows that and if you start talking to people that are in their late 30s and 40s, you’ll see countless experiences like this. You could just go over to the relationship advice sub Reddit and see what people are experiencing.

You are doing great, you have all the time in the world to figure things out, and because you found FDS, you’re going to be far ahead of most of us. I’m almost 40 and I just came to FDS a few months ago.

I definitely don’t suggest that you tell people you’re inexperienced and need knowledge from them. Even at your most inexperienced you’ll be far more competent than any man in a relationship, especially at that age! There are plenty of great books on relationships and relating to people and intimacy and all of that good stuff that you can search out and arm yourself with. Also, studying nonviolent communication (you can get the first book on Amazon) will help you overall in the way you communicate about your feelings and needs, which most of us never learned how to do in a compassionate and direct way.

I think most of us can tell you that our biggest mistakes in relationships over the years have been centered around not recognizing the truth about men and devaluing/abandoning ourselves. FDS is your leg up.

super_thinker_ · 2020-12-07T04:19:59+00:00

I love what naturopath and daisy have already said and I'd like to share one mantra that helps me when I get stuck in a comparison mindset!

Don't look at what others are doing, look at what they aren't doing.

Look at your accomplishments and what you're grateful for and say "hey, maybe she has a boyfriend, but I bet she doesn't have ____." "Maybe she's doing this, but I bet she isn't doing this."

Something that you have, that other 23 year old girls with boyfriends don't, is the chance to really find yourself before diving into a relationship and that's pretty freaking cool if you ask me.

Keep studying FDS and it will lead you to the high value guy you deserve, if that's what you really want. You'll probably have to kiss 100 toads before you find him but that's part of the process.

Also, you don't have to talk about your relationship history with anyone you've just met!!! It's none of their business. The last few guys I've gone on dates with never asked about my relationship history and I never asked about theirs. I'm sure that if things progressed further and we got closer, we would have started opening up about that stuff, but the initial phase of getting to know someone should just be light and breezy.

The first few dates are all about spending time with someone and seeing if their energy is compatible with yours. That's it!

socalqueenofcheese · 2020-12-07T04:45:04+00:00

Speaking from a mature women's experience....You actually sound like a very well balanced and healthy individual. Too many young people (definitely myself included back in the day) sexualized themselves from a young age. This was absolutely to their (my) detriment. Think, not focused on school/work. Focused on sex, fake love, and being a cool girl (me). Many of us like this had childhoods that were less than and looking for validation.

You darling sound like you are absolutely focused on the correct things for your age. Work and yourself. God I'm going to pray tonight I can show my daughter how to do this. You should be proud of yourself. Truly.

You have plenty of time for boys (that is all they are at your age), engagements, babies, boyfriends. Take your time. Enjoy it all. You're doing a good job.

Finally, cultivate a hobby, something you really love. You may either meet a man with the same hobby or at the very least how a man treats your hobby (with respect, interest, or indifferance) will tell you the kind of man he is.

Cheers darling

to_learn_to_fly · 2020-12-07T07:05:30+00:00

I know you won't believe me now, but in a few years you'll see that not wasting your youth on dudes was the best idea. I was in a similar position and got into my first serious relationship at 23, not because he was even worth it, but because I was so curious about relationships and "love", and I wanted to fit in. Now I'm grateful that I started wasting time on dudes this late and at least had a few more years to focus solely on myself and my education than a regular girl who starts dating in her teens. Having 4 or 5 relationships at 23 seems to me like a terrible waste of time and potential (speaking as a 31-year old woman).

Title	Need advice on how not to compare myself.
Author	snowwhite224
Upvotes	21
Comments	4
Date	December 7, 2020 1:28 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/k86p0d/need_advice_on_how_not_to_compare_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/need-advice-on-how-not-to-compare-myself.1067804 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067804

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