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Need support: just broke up with a guy full of green flags bc we have different visions for the future

December 23, 2020

I'd only been seeing this guy for 4mo, so it's better to do now than later. I get that. But man it fucking sucks. And yes, it was only 4mo so who knows if he was a HVM, but there were so many green flags that I haven't gotten from other dating situations. He was so kind, generous, open, genuine, etc. But clearly, he just was not my person. He started looking for houses and wanted to move out to the exburbs and I am a through and through city person. I work abroad a lot for months to a year at a time and he is a homebody who can go days at a time without leaving his house. TBH tho, that didn't really bother me, so much as expecting that I would eventually join him out in the middle of nowhere. I know I would be miserable like that. I know I did the right thing, but it's so painful. Anyone care to share similar stories?

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Post Information
Title Need support: just broke up with a guy full of green flags bc we have different visions for the future
Author eveninghope
Upvotes 89
Comments 5
Date December 23, 2020 9:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/need-support-just-broke-up-with-a-guy-full-of.1059982
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/kj27z9/need_support_just_broke_up_with_a_guy_full_of/

[–]super_thinker_ 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry you're going through this. hugs

I just went through something similar and someone on FDS told me that some red flags for you might be green flags for others and some green flags for you might be green flags for others.

In the end, if it's a red flag for YOU that's all that matters.

I get pangs of regret thinking about him sometimes, but I'm actually catching red flags that I didn't catch before when I had my rose tinted glasses on! And now I'm really happy that I didn't settle.

Things will get better the more time and distance that you get from this guy. Believe me!

[–]Mind-Objective 54 points55 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Different visions for the future and lifestyle is a red flag.

Finally met a man who is child free, has integrity, and overall, really into self improvement (like me!).

Problem: emotionally mature (I wasn’t at the time!), Age difference, he’s a homebody, and more established in his career/in himself.

My last ex was the complete opposite. Not much of an age difference, adventurous, more align progress wise (career).

Problem: Wants children, Lack of emotional maturity, misogynistic comments (wtf does he want children for???), insensitive, we can never go past the surface level stuff.

[–]eveninghopeFDS Specialist[S] 30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah you’re right. Different lifestyles is like a general happiness red flag instead of a “this person is damaged” red flag. I’ve never really framed it like that.

[–]Mind-Objective 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Life happens. You got this queen. And you deserve all those good things!

[–]thighsmatchFDS Specialist 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Value alignment is key to building any lasting close relationship, not just romantic.

If your core values don’t align that isn’t so much a traditional red flag (as in bad behavior by a man) as it is something that will doom the relationship regardless of how good a person he is. If a man wants a lifestyle that would make him happy but make youd miserable you would be doing both of you a disservice by trying to force yourself into it. Eventually you’d resent him. I have been there; stayed too long with an otherwise good man who wanted different things. Growth is acknowledging that and letting him go. Good job!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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