~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]Griever1141 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I would honestly just leave and say;
Im going to a nice dinner myself. If you are willing to cut the shit out, I'll see you there but leave your nonsense at the door.
Works for me but YMMV.
[–]stonepimpletilists 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's what started my main event.
It's a great exercise.
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Can you explain?
[–]stonepimpletilists 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not retyping it, check my posting history.
But establish you having a good time isn't dependent on her buying in.
[–]SampsonBrass 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I'd rather be anywhere but here.
Bounce man. This the shady lady who was fucking someone else? I'd haul ass. Pronto.
[–]postscript1114-2 points-1 points0 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yes. She is fucking someone else. I am too. We are open. Doesn't mean we don't have married shit to deal with though.
[–]SampsonBrass 4 points4 points4 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Maybe you ought to wipe that shit up? I don't understand men that accept their wife getting plowed by other men. It's a big wide world though so I'm willing to consider that its my lack of discernment. Doubt it though.
Seems that everything ought to be on lock between you two BEFORE you put a bow on her and send her out to hop on strange dick.
[–]postscript1114-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't disagree with you. I do wish our shit would've been together before things opened up. It of course adds another hurdle for us to jump over.
Sure, knowing that she is "getting plowed" by others isn't the easiest. Jealousy is a very strong emotion. It is all based on insecurities. I've come to realize what my insecurities are and have been working on them. Ironically by fixing those, it has allowed me an easier time at finding my own to "plow."
[–]stonepimpletilists 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've come to realize what my insecurities are and have been working on them.
Do what you got to do to be OK with her plowing chad? I use cuck ironically, guess it's literally true here
[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why are you married? So you can support some other dudes kid when she gets knocked up?
[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Anniversaries can be tough. Any relationship problem is cubed, at least. Leaving for a night at the bar is pretty extreme. On your anniversary it is a thermonuclear event.
She is testing your frame. Are you passing?
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My frame has changed over the last couple of months due to the help of the sidebar material. I used to be very jekyll and Hyde. I would either completely loose my shit or I would follow her around like a puppy dog saying sorry even for her wrongdoings. These days I keep things very low key and even. If she tries to get shitty, I simply ask her to let me know when she is done so that we can have a good conversation rather than an argument. Funny thing is this really pisses her off and causes her to loose frame. I think she enjoyed the old me reactions for the drama. Sometimes rather than have an argument when she looses her shit, I will leave for a couple of hours to hit my local bar. Within an hour, she is usually texting me that she is sorry.
As I've mentioned before, open marriage is not deeply discussed here. Sometimes it is hard for me to translate certain sidebar material as it pertains to my situation. Dread game for instance. My wife encourages me to date others. Hell, she has even shit tested me for not coming home with numbers (which was the weirdest argument I've ever had.)
In the end, I would like to think that what I'm learning here will help save my marriage. If it doesn't though, it will for sure help to save my life. It will allow me to be a better person for me. Thus far, I've been able to realize my past beta ways and what I need to focus on. I have much more to learn, but this sub and it's related subs have opened my eyes and have truly put me on the path to the new me. For that, I'm grateful.
[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There is /r/redpillnonmonogamy but that has not gained a lot of traction.
I certainly think Dread game plays out differently in an open relationship but we have very little data on this. I suppose leadership and DNGAF and lots and lots of options could make it work.
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I've been following this sub for a while. The lack of "traction" has had me looking for answers in areas that could be extra critical. I appreciate your response that included a lack of judgement.
The DNGAF aspect plays a huge part. It took me a while to realize, but her being with others effects me none. As long as safety is being practiced, which I know it is.
[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just curious, how much strange (N count and frequency) have each of you been with since starting this arrangement?
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The wife has dated two. Fucked two. I've dated three and fucked one. One more ready for moving forward. 3rd was in a divorce situation and didn't want to fuck up the legal issues.
I know both of hers. One is a former friend and one a customer (we own a business.) She does not know mine.
This is based on hall passes or separate situations.
[–]Bread_Pilled 2 points2 points2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Your spouse is openly having sexual intercourse with other men. You have consented to this arrangement, presumably because she is "allowing" you to have sex with other women. Yet your post history shows that the polyamorous nature of the relationship has brought you anguish. So why do you agree to it?
What would happen if you would draw a boundary and say "no more?" Would your spouse accept this and devote herself solely to you? Or does she value you so little that she would walk away? Is your onetitis for her so strong that you cannot allow her walk away?
Now, consider the opposite side of that coin - your spouse may simply be auditioning other suitors to replace you (she has tried to bend the rules that have been set for her polyamorous lifestyle).
As far as your question goes - "is it out of bounds to leave?" Why is your frame so shaken by her shit test? Why can you not simply agree and amplify or respond with amused mastery? What other options do you have?
By leaving, you may be enforcing a boundary; however, it will be viewed as butthurt.
Then consider that if your spouse is left alone on her anniversary because you have hurt feelings, it is likely she would lay with another man (this is your fault - you have agreed to this). Would you be ok with this on your anniversary?
I know my past posts showed a bad start to our open marriage. It certainly didn't start well, but that is in the past. After great discussion, we are on the same page regarding this part of our lives.
In a life or death situation regarding the marriage, we would close things up. That has always been agreed upon. Not saying it would come easy, but it could and would happen.
Neither of us are looking for replacements. We are enjoying our life and learning things about ourselves. Being with others has allowed us to communicate better.
Still learning how to best respond to shit tests. Right now, space between us seems to be the most effective. It completely shuts her down. She doesn't know what to do when her target has moved. She craves drama.
If it comes down to it, I have no problem leaving her. I would prefer to keep the marriage together and be able to smooth things out, but I won't hang around in a shit situation.
[–]Bread_Pilled2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Consider what you have said:
Being with others has allowed us to communicate better.
... but ...
Is sleeping with others really helping you? Does communicating better mean to simply leave when being shit-tested?
If you haven't already, read WISNIFG in order to help you navigate the waterways of conversation.
[–]jeezydasnowman0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you passing or failing her shit tests? By the 12 dread levels, you must master shit tests before you start walking away.
I'm not walking out all together, just don't want to hear her shit. I'm better off away than there.
Actually neither of us can have kids nor want kids beyond the three that we have.
[–]Scurvemuch 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Ok so you're both fucking other people... Fine.
She is shitting on you during your anniversary. Okie...
Why are you married ?
[–]postscript11141 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Believe me, I question why we are married. Never did I think I would spend an anniversary evening at the bar, alone. I can only say that she does add value to my life. We have been together for 20 years (married 11 of those today.) None of this is an excuse. Even though we are open, I still want to have someone that has my back until the end. It may sound beta, but that is my opinion. Sure, I might date/sleep with others, but that is for fun. My wife is the serious part of my life. A base (more beta shit.) I know an open marriage is not talked about too much in this thread. Some find it repulsive, etc. I don't see it that way.
[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just read some of your history. Open marriage was her idea, and ten days after suggesting it, while you're still thinking it over, she's screwing your friend. You're in deep denial.
[–]Scurvemuch 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is she actually a woman that has your back?
If that's all you want out of her - well I guess create that. If sex is an issue work on that.
At the end of the day- whether she can fuck you or her pussy was sown shut- doesn't matter.
A partner - a person invested in You - doesn't shit on you on your anniversary. Honestly - she shit on you and the partnership.
But it's all your fault anyway. You let it get there.
I agree. My beta ways clouded my view of our relationship. It didn't allow me to see the hints that I was fucking up and driving her away. Now that I am starting to see the world through red tinted lenses (though still very pale pink) I feel that I have an obligation to right the ship. If she wants to hop back on, great. If not, I have no issues finding another first mate.
[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This may pan out for you in the end. Nobody here has walked in your shoes, so take all advice with a grain of salt. IMHO you sound severly co dependent. I haven't checked your history, but it sounds like your relationship has always been kinda upside down.
When both of your SMV's crash through the basement floor and you're looking for companionship you may find common ground in each other and ride this pony into the sunset.
Why don't you close up the relationshio and work on yourselves. Open relationships from what I hear aren't a bad thing if it works, this doesn't work......
There is no trust, no respect and very little value from what I've read.....
GL!
[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points 9 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
This is a very good article. I have read some of his stuff and still reading more. He is a genius.
I don't claim to be a snowflake in this situation, but I do involve myself in her extra marital "situations." I decide if her interest is good to move forward with. I have sat down and had a beer with the current. She even warned me that he is sensitive. I'm not the most alpha dude out there, but I don't see this guy being an issue. Sure he takes her on fun dates and buys her flowers every week, but not the alpha she is looking for. She has even said that to me.
Her first "other" was a mutual friend. I let it move forward because I knew him. He was in the middle of a divorce and in a shitty situation. His now ex cucked him bad. All the time. She tried with me, but the bitch was crazy. There isn't enough feel goods that could even remotely want me to deal with that shit. Anyway, he was shitty at the craft of pleasing a woman sexually. She even told him more than once that my husband can get me off by looking at my clit what's wrong with you. He was well over six foot. I am 5'5" at best. Needless to say, I don't have any issues in that department. My "others" have said they were more than impressed. I am not claiming to be great at that craft, but reading up and "staying on top of things" is worth it. For one or many.
So some12talk2, why don't you post here? Are you above offering help to others?
Yes, it was I initially a unilateral movement on her part due to my beta ways. I'll admit that. Some other shit added to it as well. I fucked up and am man enough to say it.
After 20 years together (me 36 and her 34) we decided to act out our twenties again. It has opened our eyes to things. It has been beneficial to us both. The separate situations have not been the only part of our openess, just the most difficult to deal with. There have been situations that I never thought would happen outside of dreams. It's been both fun and frustrating.
I know it isn't the norm, but I allow what occurs. She understands that as well. If I felt threatened it wouldn't. Even at that I would rise to the challenge. My wife understands that until stated otherwise she is mine. She is alpha and may push back, but she always bows down.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Griever1141 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]stonepimpletilists 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stonepimpletilists 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SampsonBrass 2 points2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]postscript1114-2 points-1 points0 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]SampsonBrass 4 points4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]postscript1114-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]stonepimpletilists 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bread_Pilled 2 points2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]postscript1114-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Bread_Pilled2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]jeezydasnowman0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Scurvemuch 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11141 point2 points3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Scurvemuch 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 points1 points1 points | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link