Superficially home life is relatively stable and peaceful as divorce looms over us. Wife keeps pressuring me on terms (http://shorturl.at/rsyMP), which by and of themselves speak volumes about her relationship with me. I halfway suspect this is another bluff, but fuck, if I call it like I did with her passport ultimatum, she stands to lose bigly. Black and white thinking and the inability to see degrees of possibility is a re-current and debilitating theme in our marriage. Some examples of this binary thinking and absolute need to status-signal include:

  • $40K wedding / no wedding, only small reception with immediate family
  • Newly built home representing 50% of our net income / no house (???)
  • $2K bday party for our 3 yr. old / no bday party with daughter's friends
  • $35K+ brand new electric car / no car
  • Full custody of child / zero custody and involvement

Being under divorce has taught me to just make a decision in spite of her and to not be paralyzed to inaction. The optimal solution is rarely any of her absolute/black-white options she throws out. Prime example is the car I purchased after entering into divorce. Once divorce was entered, I traded in my truck and bought a gem of a used Outback the very next day. She talked shit about the interior when she first saw it, but begrudgingly admitted that I made a good purchase after all.

How do I confront this line of thinking on things that require her involvement or input?