Shared Custody and Post Divorce LTR Outlook

ruffyamaharyder · 2023-03-22T14:35:06+00:00

Think about what you really want.

If you're in the thick of it now with your divorce, why would you even be thinking about an LTR in the foreseeable future?

I have much more than 50% custody, put my child first for everything, and spin a couple plates in part of my free time. LTR is usually an option, but I haven't been compelled to go that route because I wouldn't get anything out of that situation except for increased risk. In any case, my point is I have options. Spin plates first, figure out the best option for you AND THEN decide if you want to choose an LTR.

Rich Cooper has a good setup for an LTR, but I don't understand the why behind it. I like my deal better. To each their own - the only thing you'll lose is variety (unless the LTR is down, which maybe that's how it's working for him?).

Side note: My child has never and will never meet any of these girls.

JustHereForTheClicks · 2023-03-22T17:05:03+00:00

First time posting on RP, long time lurker. I'm divorced (45 y/o) from a toxic relationship and also have one child with my ex. The last couple years leading up to and while the divorce was happening, I focused on myself and my son. On the weeks where my son was with his mom, I made the best of opportunities but I didn't strictly focus on getting laid. My goal was to learn who I was after 16 years of marriage. I needed to be on my own to do that. I'm happy I did. In that time I also spent a lot of time thinking about what I want in an LTR, and the flaws of my hookups. The hookup game while fun also felt shallow and I knew I wanted more than that one day. When I started dating I felt much more prepared for what to look for. I got the hard questions out of the way early - are you looking for kids, marriage, political views, etc. I made these conversations a priority early so there wouldn't be any vested interest. When I started dating my now LTR of 7 years, there were many times where I would straight up tell her that's a deal breaker and end it. I didn't want to waste any time with someone who didn't share the same values. She would apologize and make promises, but the most important part was if she kept them. Eventually we've come to really understand one another, and now we laugh about how many times I tried to break up with her. We have a strong healthy relationship and I attribute a lot of that is because I wouldn't compromise my beliefs - RP helped me to stay focused on myself, own my shit, and keep frame. Just recently one of her woke friends told her that she thinks she may be in an abusive relationship with me and we both laughed about it. We're not married and don't have kids, nor plan to. I kept her away from my son for a long time until it got to the point where it felt right. Now she has a great relationship with my son and my bipolar-ex even likes LTR, however, at first she was pissed how hot she is. Hope my story helps.

onlyidiotsgoonreddit · 2023-03-22T20:18:27+00:00

I'm glad t hear things are looking better. Keep in mind, this ex won't go away after this. She'll keep making up more and more allegations and trying to turn your kid against you. For that reason, the fewer rights she has, the better life will be for the kid and you.

Men have an instinct to try to take care of others. That makes them easy targets for a divorce lawyer. Your kid needs a stable life, going forward. That is not possible with a screaming woman following you around, screaming insane shit about fake abuse.

Exclude her from doing that to your kid, as much as you are able, and never trust her for a second. In some states, a fake allegation of child molesting counts against the mother.

KingGerbz · 2023-03-22T14:58:14+00:00

I know the topic of your post is centered around your child, love, future relationships and so forth.

Let me ask you: how about your purpose? What about your career, mission, passions, hobbies?

I’m not accusing you of anything, I don’t know who you are outside of a few paragraphs you wrote online. With that said, you’re in the middle of some bullshit with a woman who’s showing her true colors. And your next priority is: future women?

Is it wrong to say your focus and prioritization of sex and women is what lead you to this point of being 40 and lost?

shogun2971 · 2023-03-23T06:30:08+00:00

I’m 31 and got divorced last year. Have 50/50 custody in the UK of my 3 year old son.

In the 10 months since I have focused on my personal goals and ensuring my relationship with my son is as strong as possible.

If I were you I wouldn’t consider a LTR for 3-4 years. Give yourself time to adjust to life as a single parent. Work on your goals, gym, money and social life. You will have half your time free to do these now, which at the start seems like an endless Time fountain. But it’s critical to use that time wisely as the other half you will have your child. And unlike before there is no one to hand them to if you want to go to the gym etc. it’s important to remind yourself that you have total control of your whole life now, sometimes this often gets forgotten when men become Betas in an unhappy LTR/marriage.

I spin 2 plates at present. One 21 year old and one 36 year old mum of 2. Both at different stages of life but one thing remains the same. They still want fucking. Just don’t get feelings involved and whatever you do do not introduce them to your child. I think it’s important to keep those two sides of my life separate for now.

But I echo what many others are saying ref single mums. Beware becoming involved in any sort of LTR with these women. Before you know it you’ll be paying for her and her kids meals etc.

And one last thing. I’ve been on lots of dates with lots of different women in the past 10 months. And nearly all of them was aware I had a child……didn’t bat an eyelid. If you are on your game and successfully chasing your goals 99% of women won’t care if you already have a child. I would go as far to say some see it as a plus as it proves your ability to reproduce.

GifThatKeepsOnGivin · 2023-03-22T17:30:07+00:00

If you want a LTR at some point, make sure it is with a woman who has no kids. Beyond just the logistical issues that will be present (your kid schedules probanly won't line up), I noticed that a lot of single moms don't have a healthy balance with everything in their lives. Plus the victim mentality/narcissism that is AWALT tends to really get cranked up on single moms because they view themselves as "super moms" fighting against the world for their kids. A woman with no kids tends to have a little less of those tendencies and you can just set whatever hard boundaries you want (e.g. no marriage, no kids, etc.) from the outset.

Herdsengineers · 2023-03-23T13:45:27+00:00

I've been where you are. My son is now 19 and aged out of the court orders so that phase of life is totally over. I will give you some advice learned in rather hard fashion.

STOP. Right now, just stop thinking about LTR's. Doesn't mean no LTR forever, just means stop thinking about that right now. You're not even divorced yet. Finish the divorce and settle into the new post-divorce completed routine life. Get your feet under you first before thinking about another LTR.

I'd say it's okay to spin a few plates, date, maybe even have a more casual regular girl, but no LTR's.

Another thing - finding a single woman in your age bracket that has no kids is gonna be really really tough. You're also going to find younger girls might be good for a bedroom trist, but they really won't offer a man in your stage of life much more. You're also going to find most new women (read that as all of them) are not going to give a shit about your kid. They will try to intercede and pull your time, attention, and resources from your kid to themselves, and if they have kids, to their kids. It's a biological imperative for women, they cannot help themselves. They will say different but their actions won't match their words.

I would urge you to instead find a good tight group of guys, build your life as a single divorced dad that is gonna stay out of LTR's for the moment. Fill the space in your life with a mission you pursue, not LTR's. Mix in some hobbies, activities, etc. that benefit you. In my case it was a hiking club, gym, martial arts, hunting, a men's club, etc. I'm here to tell you, as I went through all that, I met plenty of women and did not lack for options. The longest I've gone without sex was actually when I was married to my first wife!! Once I separated and got into the new single life, the women threw themselves at me with spread legs.

Full disclosure - I just had a 5 year anniversary of being remarried. I did meet a true unicorn woman - no kids, my age bracket, fully self sufficient (and she remains that way today). Turns out her mom died in a car accident, she was basically raised by a single dad, and somehow that influence without mom created my unicorn. My son had reached a bit of an older age, I'd had plenty of time to "get my feet under me", I honestly wasn't looking for LTR again. You won't be truely ready for a new LTR until you've had time to work the kinks out of yourself after this divorce is complete and that's gonna take some time.

ALPHANUMBER-1 · 2023-03-23T02:42:01+00:00

bro take the child and go to afghanistan ore something marry a woman and bam childreen have new mother

RatherBTouchingGrass · 2023-03-22T14:22:26+00:00

I think you need to touch grass

eric_in_cleveland · 2023-03-23T01:33:41+00:00

I am not there yet, but when I think about a post divorce LTR, I would not want her involved with my kids in any way. For better or worse, kids have the mom they have. They don’t need a new one. I would go as far as calling her Mrs. X and asking that she leave the house when they are around. I would ask that if she has kids, I do the same. I would only entertain marriage after a long time and the kids are all grown. It’s not about her being in their life but protecting the relationship I have with my own kids at all costs.

Don_Draper27 · 2023-03-23T03:49:31+00:00

How old is the kid?

Not divorced, but I have a 3.5 year old and me and the mom signed a custody agreement in court 1.5 years ago.

The lead up to the court date was pretty rough. She was making horrendous accusations about me but didn’t provide proof. My lawyer suggested I just show proof of being a responsible good person which worked out well for me. In the end, we agreed on terms before the court date so it wasn’t prolonged or unfair.

I had only been living in our state for a few years and the mom is born and raised, lives with her mom, and has her grandma and sister down the street. Any family or help for me is hours away, so ultimately I agreed on having 20% physical custody since the moms side has drastically more help and resources.

If you have family or helping hands close by then do push for the 50/50 physical custody or if the kid is older and more or less entertains themselves. This way you can avoid child support (your state laws may vary).

In terms of dating, you’re 40. The chances of a woman dating 40 year olds and not expecting a dad or divorcee are unrealistic. There’s surprisingly more woman than you think out there that don’t want kids of their own, but are happy to date a parent. With that said, I wouldn’t shut the door on single moms. Lots of green and red flags to look for, but ultimately it can make things a lot easier on parenting.

Ultimately, you should focus on having an at least respectful relationship with your ex. This can take time, and when future issues arise, her familiar fangs will seep out, but just keep things “professional”. From here on out, always assume that a judge is reading and listening to all of your communication. One of the biggest turn offs as a parent is having baby mamma drama. So thoroughly scan the court order as best you can. Minimize gray areas and loop holes.

In the long run, just focus on being a good male role model and father. Surprisingly, a lot of women find active dads attractive. Always just make decisions that are best for the kid. The judge only cares about the kid. Leave your ego and pettiness out of it. There’s no losing if your actions and decisions are for the kid.

Fabulous-Craft · 2023-03-23T13:10:32+00:00

What you're seeking is not plausible.

A quality woman will want marriage/children at some point. So your options are low quality single women and post-wall divorced women with children where you are now pseudo step parents to each others kids.

If marriage and children are off the table then why wouldn't you spin plates? Your pool of women will be younger and of higher quality.

Joltarts · 2023-03-26T02:53:12+00:00

If the children are who you want, then fight hard for them.

Get as much access as you possibly can.

I too went through a divorce recently and fortunately for me, I came away largely unscathed. I kept all of my assets, and got full custody of the children whilst she gets the bare minimum in access.

Of coz, not every guy can get the ultimate deal the reverse Jeff Bezos. But you should keep fighting as much as you possibly can.

What does the landscape look like? Not bleak at all. Infact, you may soon realise that being a single guy in your 40s is a breathe of fresh air. You are in your peak years. Women 10 years younger are falling head over heels for you. If you are a good guy, you have everything that they want. Primarily commitment. Give it our sparingly. Learn your mistakes

Get fit, change your clothes, upgrade your car, and more. Work from there.

vtec_tt · 2023-03-26T05:42:08+00:00

your best bet in this day and age is having a sugar baby and going the p4p route. relationships are dead

Doogie76 · 2023-03-26T15:05:37+00:00

Make sure you get an enforceable order and not just a divorce agreement otherwise if you need yhe system to help you cause she's fuck8ng around with the kids they won't do anything

adeptintact · 2023-04-14T18:37:29+00:00

Was divorced several years ago and have shared custody of our child. Got married again to a better girl a few years ago and have 2 more kids. It's worked out.

Title	Shared Custody and Post Divorce LTR Outlook
Author	cryptus-maximus
Upvotes	61
Comments	38
Date	March 22, 2023 1:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/11yji6x/shared_custody_and_post_divorce_ltr_outlook/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/shared-custody-and-post-divorce-ltr-outlook.1186440 https://theredarchive.com/post/1186440

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