Maintaining Frame Before Going All-In

UEMcGill · 2015-12-10T22:35:15+00:00

I met an amazing 22 year old

Whoa, slow down. Take the pussy off the pedestal. At 43, I can tell you, there's nothing amazing about a 22 year old. Tight body, check. Emotionally immature, check.

I didn't read that wall of text. Some gibbering about frame and what not.

If your game is tight, you get shit done, and you lead, she'll crawl through glass to suck your dick and clean your apartment. The problem isn't with her, it's with you. Stop giving a fuck what she thinks, make sure you get shit done, and move on. If she wants to come for the ride, let her, under your terms. If not, the world makes a new 22 year old every single fucking minute.

WhiteTrashKiller · 2015-12-11T14:56:05+00:00

Don't get married(least of all to a 22 year old). LTR fine, but why would you agree to wager half of your shit for the sake of a commitment which lets face it isn't iron clad with any woman.

That being said here is the perfect time to test out your SMV. Be the person you want to be, if she stays great if she goes great. The outcome is the same.

Unfortunately you are hooked already and will end up back here after your honeymoon phase is over in your new marriage asking the same questions or how to bring back the spark.

Hire a cleaning person to come in once every two weeks to clean, you'll needd to tidy up every other day but this would go a long way to freeing up time for your unproductive hobbies.....

Diff888 · 2015-12-10T21:06:49+00:00

Do not get married. It's just not worth the effort. I have four great almost grown kids. I'm in the process of getting 7 figure ass raped in divorce court after she cheated.

Read the MRP posts. Is that what you want for your life? Those guys are smart and are making a bad situation bearable, but you have to be on point every fucking day. Is that living?

I was married for 21 years. I was the boss for 19 of them. When I approached 50 and went through some existential issues that I needed her help on, forget it. After my 19 year earned grace period expired, she was sucking cock in a hotel room.

Find another way to have kids (you should, they're awesome) but don't destroy your life.

stonepimpletilists · 2015-12-10T21:23:24+00:00

Reward good behaviour, punish bad behaviour. you only have 3 tools to do this. commitment, affection and attention.

keep that which adds value, remove that which doesn't.

the rest is details

whinemoreplease · 2015-12-12T06:48:41+00:00

Well, you put in a proper effort to post this and no one's given you a good answer so far.

The short answer is: you're giving this girl the power to judge you.

The long answer is: you're thinking about this all the wrong way.

Should I internalize wanting the same high standards that she’s professing, own it, and turn it around on her? I can see that as owning the frame, but at the end of day she’d be technically winning, right?

Doesn't fucking matter. The goal at the end of the day is to be comfortable in your environment. Winning and losing doesn't count for shit if you're unhappy. Aim to be happy.

So lets break down your situation further.

Just for reference, I'm going to bring in my cliches. Keep these in mind when reading my reply.

Women (People) act shitty because men (you) allow women (people) to act shitty.
Not your fucking problem.
Expect better.

I met an amazing 22 year old last year and decided to pursue an LTR.

Is she still amazing? If not then the word you're looking for isn't amazing, it's hot. There are tons of hot women out there. Seriously, tons.

Now, I feel like this girl is trying to impose her own standards on me. “Why are you watching the game when the office needs to be cleaned up?” “Do you expect me to do ALL the dishes?” “Do you expect me to clean the bathroom myself every time?” “I want you to WANT to live in a clean apartment— for US”

At this point, that shitty attitude and shitty behavior would disqualify her from being a marriage candidate.

For you, I suspect it's a case of having poor boundaries. She somehow feels like she has some sort of power or equality case. The answer to all those questions is "Yes." I can guarantee you she's not cleaning the house for your benefit, because you don't give a fuck. So, what's the solution? Stop putting up with shitty behavior and expect better.

When my wife and I were just friends, she'd cleaned my place because she liked it tidy. I didn't care either way. When we moved in together, she once asked me to clean and I said no, because the state of the room didn't bother me at all, nada. I would clean things when it started to bother me. If she wanted it clean for her own benefit, she was responsible for it. If there was something she didn't want to clean, she could ask me and I'd consider it. (I've cleaned the oven once and vacuumed maybe twice.) When things start bugging me, I take care of them, definitely not sooner.

My suggestion would be to suggest that it's just as easy to kick her out as it is than to be her bitch.

[well I want you to WANT to fuck my brains out constantly— for US]

Pouty, whiny, and passive aggressive as.

My top priority is ensuring that she maintains a high sex drive throughout our relationship. I know this is the biggest pitfall when living together. I’m careful to not give into too much cuddly-lovey stuff unless it turns into sex. But lately I’ve noticed our sex cadence go from nearly every day to a few times a week, mostly on weekends. We have rough work schedules, and need to get up early, but her being “tired” was never an issue at the beginning of the relationship. I’m well aware of that game. I’m quite sure the physical attraction is still there… I keep a rigorous gym routine and I know this helps keep a sense of dread, but I feel like I’m losing some of that extra spark. Too often she’s all about cuddling against me and falling asleep, whereas I’m horny as hell and just want to fuck the shit out of her. I don’t want this to become routine. Any tips on keeping things spicy? Is this a symptom of losing frame in other areas?

She's not fucking you because there's no need to fuck you. I mean, what are you going to do if she's not fucking you? Kick her out? Lolol. You've already shown you won't do that when she's asked you about housework.

Look, either you have standards or you don't. If she's not meeting your standards, she gets moved on, and you'll find another 22 year old to fuck you. I knew a guy who had a sex bowl. It was a bowl for the things women forgot or lost after he had sex with them. Every girl knew what it was. You think any girl he got serious with would stop fucking him? It's a mentality thing. Expect better and stop putting up with shitty. And if you're not getting it, find someone who will meet your standards.

I keep a rigorous gym routine and I know this helps keep a sense of dread,

Lets be perfectly clear here. You can't bullshit dread. If you're tolerant of shitty behavior and unwilling to kick her out because of whatever bullshit one-itis your hamster wants to spew at you, you have NO dread. You could be the hottest guy in the world and if your mentality is that you'll tolerate you fat 300 pound wifes because of whatever, she's not going to do anything to meet your standards because you have none.

I have goals, I have ambitions. I also work 40-50 hours a week, go to the gym, want to have nice dinners, and need to relax. She’s all about being “productive” all the time. I get the feeling that if she works on her photography for a couple hours in the evening while I watch some NFL/reddit/Fallout/Hearthstone, I’m viewed as an unproductive sack of shit. When am I going to get that app I keep talking about off the ground, she asks. This is the biggest area I can see room for improvement for myself, but the way she approaches me is a huge turn off and seems really naggy and shit-testy. I understand the need for a woman to be with an Alpha winner, but if I WANT to finish Fallout, isn’t that my Alpha prerogative? If I am going to build that app, I sure as hell am not going to do it within her frame. Am I being immature here? Do I just need to man the fuck up and “get motivated” for my own sake? How do I not let this become her “winning”? I’m worried all of this “productivity” will become a never ending honey-do list and I can kiss my “unproductive” hobbies goodbye. Not to mention losing frame completely, drying up her pussy, and forcing me to dump her.

Can you guess my answer here?

Stop putting up with shitty behavior. You're giving her the power to be your judge. You're allowing her to take a dump on you. Lots of guys will tell you that to be more productive. They're not wrong. That's also an absolutist viewpoint.

"be with an Alpha winner" - mate, you say the words, but you have no fucking idea what this means. What do you think an alpha winner is? Some guy who never does anything to relax or kick back and hits the gym alllll the time? You'd be fucking wrong. Mark Cuban plays LoL ffs (which imo is a shit game, but nonetheless).

Lets put it this way -- re-read your post, and see if you can spot what's wrong with the way you're approaching the situation.

Then maybe you'll realize that somehow you've give this random bitch your balls and she has them in her clutch and you're letting her squeeze them without any objections. Because you sure as shit aren't your own judge, and you put up with a TOOOOOOOON of shitty behavior. Hence, she obviously has no reason to impress you. I mean, do you honestly think that she needs to impress you at this point?

blarggggggggggg · 2015-12-10T21:00:32+00:00

You need to do what you want and if she doesn't like it, show her the door.

enfier · 2015-12-11T01:29:56+00:00

It's already getting annoying and the sex is fading one year in without a legally binding contract. Want the easy way to fix this? Move out. She can sit in her own clean, video game free house and bitch at the cat while she's not fucking you. I guarantee it's worth whatever you'd have to pay for on the lease. Look, every woman out there is a great girlfriend in the first six months. I'd recommend you change your girlfriends like you change the oil in your car. Three months is ideal, six months is pushing it, a year is only if you got the premium quality stuff.

First lesson - boundaries you don't or can't enforce aren't boundaries.

Chores - the person that wants the chore done is the person that should do it. Any other system quickly devolves into what you've got here. If your girlfriend wants to live in a really clean place then she can do it, but she doesn't need to involve you. Obviously this supposes that you are doing something around the house and your actions aren't working in the opposite direction.

Relaxing - tell her that you aren't to be disturbed while you are relaxing. If she bitches at you while you are relaxing, don't reward it. Turn to her, look at her, then turn back to the TV. If she continues, put some physical separation in between you and her. Shut the door, put on your headphones, head out to the bar. Keep in mind that with this particular woman, it looks like you'll need to maintain your own space if she can't wra

Sex - Initiate more, read The Sex God Method, keep the flirtation, fun and sexuality going through the day.

Video games - Your LTR/Wife is never going to find video games sexy. You can go ahead and play if you want and if you add value in other places she won't bother you about it. It's probably best done out of her sight.

Note: As I type this, my wife came down to bitch at me about boxes and dishes in the house after the maid cleaned. I told her that if she didn't like it that way, she should fix it. Sad face and she goes back to the house. Seriously, it would have taken her less time to just put the things away. At the same time, I'm really working to try to pick up after myself (and I put her stuff away all the time, usually managing not to get angry about it).

Title	Maintaining Frame Before Going All-In
Author	sonofariston
Upvotes	3
Comments	36
Date	December 10, 2015 8:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3w9v3w/maintaining_frame_before_going_allin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/maintaining-frame-before-going-all-in.207833 https://theredarchive.com/post/207833

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