I tried to initiate with my wife last night and got rejected, as usual. I wasn't really butthurt because I know I haven't improved enough yet. I gave her a kiss on the forehead, said "maybe tomorrow" and turned around to sleep. The thing is, we usually spoon a little bit before falling asleep and it's just something she expects by now. She expects me to be her big spoon and hold her for a little bit before turning around to sleep. She reacted right away, "aren't you going to spoon me? Are you pissed because I don't wanna have sex?". I really wasn't. But I also don't think rewarding her with my affection when she's withholding sex is something I should do, and saying exactly this will just make it seem like I'm butthurt.

I know I have to keep improving, keep initiating, maintain frame and outcome independence. But I'm not sure how to deal with this specific situation.

Thoughts?