If you haven't already, listen to Robert Glover (author of No More Mr. Nice Guy) on the Modern Wisdom podcast. I found the podcast episode to great even for those who aren't familiar with Glover's book.

I have read NMMNG and other similar books, but there was something about the podcast that really resonated with me. Covert Contract # 2 and the way Glover described it hit me hard:

Cover Contract # 2 - "I've met others needs without them having to ask so they should meet mine without me having to ask."

This describes me and how I engage with my wife. I always want to make her happy and I expect her to reciprocate without being asked and this creates resentment for me when she doesn't.

A few other lines from the podcast that resonated:

"Nice guys are full of resentment because of covert contracts" and "An unspoken expectation is a premeditated resentment." That describes me. I don't speak clearly about my wants and needs and expect my wife to meet them without clearly communicating most of the time or being assertive on my part.

What am I going to about this realization? Well...in the podcast, Glover suggests being more assertive and not repressing your male sexuality. He mentions that a lot of men "repress their sexuality because they don't want to give off the impression that's what it's all about [in the relationship]. Women don't like this [repression]." I realized that I repress myself all of the time as well hoping my wife will initiate or indicate she's interested, etc. My plan is to be move assertive and openly communicate about what I need from our relationship.

For anyone affected by covert contract # 2, how did you go about changing your perception / behavior and what did you change?