M40, married, 2 kids, found TRP 2 months ago, read most of the sidebar. I didn´t have DB, but wife gained weight, didn´t clean much and starfish was regular quest our bed. Sidebar and MRP posts really helped understanding this, everything is going great.

But one thing (i quess its not on thing:-)) is "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER". I have struggled with this all my life. I have no long lasting ambitions. I´m very good at starting things and learning new stuff, but eventually everything kind of wears off, i lose interest and that´s that.

So I have no career and usually no money. At the same time everything I do, i do well, i can build everything, fix everything and I do that exactly as much as needed to feed my family but not nearly as much as as I potentially could. Money has always been unimportant to me, maybe I even resent it in some level.

I have always thought this problem is fixable changing some basic level thinking/acting, but haven´t found right trigger yet. Reading MRP stuff I think its has something to do with seeking validation. TRP teaches, that you should not do this self improvement thing for your wife/gf, but yourself. I understand the concept, but not reality.

After founding RP I have monitoring my thoughts closely and this is standard situation; I have millions unfinished project around, so i take one, lets say rip wallpaper off and paint the wall. When I start working I visualize completed job and somebody (wife, friends, parents) being impressed. These are standard thoughts, sometimes I plan putting pictures on social media and getting validation. And when I dig in my past, this is very common thought pattern of mine. But after I finis, IDGAF. Like I just stare finished job, think I´m amazing (witch I already know, no low esteem here) and if somebody tells something, I don´t remember their opinion ever changed my mood. I have never posted pictures anywhere and dont have need to do so after finishing. Feels to me like I am kind of embarrassed thinking this way so this IDGAF attitude is not real at the end?

Last job I had I started from the bottom, I had no experience in this field, learned everything I could to double salary in 1 year and advanced 2 positions higher. Thats standard. But boss was some random nice guy, had this job because of father (who owned company), he had no peoples skills, no business management skills (I have unfinished business degree), he NEVER gave any feedback and I worked too hard till total burnout. All I saw was big mistakes everywhere, business was so badly organized, losing money left and right. Everybody else Didn´t GAF, checks were coming, why bother? I was working so hard, trying to fix this, mostly our image, I couldn´t stand our image in clients eyes. Looks to me i can only work hard toward goals, if the goal is to please everybody ?

Typing this I see lots of energy when seekingvalidation, how to make this energy working for myself? When I do something purely myself, I lose interest. Last 15 years I join gym, get to the 15% bf, quit gym, gain fat till 25% bf. Starting hate my body, go gym again. Watch "Breaking bad" 5 seasons, quit right before end, because I hate myself being addicted. (Haven´t seen last 5 episodes, no spoilers please :-) I have some hard standards to myself, like I hate addictions, lying, weakness, how to add "ambition to achieve something" there?

I see huge potential in myself and my family life would be so much better, if I could somehow get my shit together. How to get rid of this validation seeking thoughts and replace them with something more practical?.

Lots of text, I hope you understand and have some ideas, not my first language obviously.

Tl:dr Help me with my ambition to have ambition.