One of my biggest challenges is rebuilding my frame which has been non existent for a decade. I’m massively improved on recognising shit tests and for the most part STFU and ignore / get busy with something else or A&A. AM is my next point im trying to develop. I still can get sucked into DEERing but generally see im doing it and stop. My other challenge is my IDGAF attitude which I accept given what im posting here has a long way to go as I do still GAF.

As background I am working solely on improving myself. The marriage that I’m in now is my improvement ground until my family and career / financial goals can align more closely and I can move on (previous post here if interested). I cannot however afford for this to implode in the next 14 months.

What I’m noticing in my wife now are more and more tests around her attractiveness, my perception of other women, their perception of her or why I’m smartening up / working out. I am also noticing an increase in her search for validation of her attractiveness especially on social media. If I look at her Instagram three of her last six posts have been her in a bikini. I’m currently ignoring all her social media unless it contains our children.

Am I doing the right thing and treating these as shit tests or are some of them more comfort and her looking for assurance from me that I still think she is attractive? To me it looks like this is a display for my attention / trying to dread me.

I was previously all over her like a limpet, following her around, liking every post she put up on social media, running around after her with every other word coming out my mouth telling her she was beautiful, gorgeous etc. So to her it’s probably dropped off a cliff. That’s not to say I don’t tell her she is hot etc., I just do it when I feel like it not just to make her feel better.

Some examples from the last week.

  • Bought myself a new watch and it looks good with a suit vs my previous dive watch. Got a “Women don’t look at watches you know, we like shoes and bags” I just STFU and smiled.

  • Previously I was following an 8 day workout cycle with a rest day after each workout. I changed it up and worked out twice in a row. Got a “Who are you working out to impress exactly, you did it yesterday”, I replied me.

  • After she tried drawing my attention to her last bikini Instagram post I said that’s nice, just think of all the obese online gamers who are going to benefit from looking at that tonight. She looked disgusted and has not posted one since. In hindsight I should have just ignored completely.

  • Wore my “A” suit to an important business meeting. Got a “Who are you peacocking for?, All the 3’s at your work?” I ignored – as context she rates herself a 9 as she frequently tells me when she has had a bit to drink so I see this as a neg in a sort of you won’t get better than me way.

  • We went out for a drink to a bar / club. Both dressed up and looking good and having a good night. Move to the dancefloor and my wife starts dancing in front of the mirror, literally watching herself dance and ignoring me (I should have probably left her to it but didn’t). Then she tells me we are the best looking people in the bar and everyone was watching us. I ask her if she wants some millet to go with her budgie mirror. Got a smile out of that one at least. Group of 5/6 early 20s girls in the bar keep looking over, wife thinks they are lesbians looking at her and tells me this. Got a “If I was going to have a threesome it would be with two men” I ignore. Some time later “those lesbians are still looking at me” so I say pick one and ask if she wants a threesome. Got the silent treatment which I ignored and carried on dancing. Next morning came, got a “can’t believe those lesbians were looking at me, unless you were staring at them when I wasn’t looking and they were just embarrassed for me”. I smiled and said nothing as it then went into “You do that, you stare at other women and its embarrassing, you probably went over to them as well when I was in the toilet” along with an impression of me staring with my mouth wide open. I said what can I say, I like flirting with lesbians with a huge grin. This then moved into “I’m better in bed than a 20 year old” then “I’m not bothered anyway, every man in the bar was looking at me” I just kept the smile going.

ETA I've also got "Stop being a dick" / "A woman might want a dickhead for a one night stand but she certainly doesn't want to be married to one" or even "If youre going to pull off being a dick you need to have banter and be funny, otherwise you are just a dick" so may be going a bit Rambo.