Temper tantrum or temper timer

Triadis3 · 2017-09-09T04:32:33+00:00

Use the 4 year old analogy.

A 4yr old girl will throw tantrums, call you a poopyhead, hold her breath, cry, shit on the floor.

Would you even engage a child for showing childish behaviour?

Rise above.

You're crawling inside their frame because yours is getting blown to bits every time you respond. It gives her validity.

She acts like this because you let her/tolerate it.

Unfortunately that's her mindset now. She gets all her validation/ feelings/ rollercoaster without any real consequences.

The answer?

As always... drop your ego, STFU, disengage, GTFO. Dread.

This takes time.

Fortunately, after you've put in the time/work to improve yourself, you really won't give a shit whether she finally starts deferring to a captain worthy of the title, because you'll have grown enough self respect by then that her decision to stay or go will not phase you either way.

saltybull · 2017-09-09T22:28:37+00:00

Maybe the way I looked at it might help, you need to understand her frame and what's going on inside her emotional reacting brain before your going to be able to rationally understand how your reactions and behaviors are effecting her and the creating the dynamic. When she throws her tantrum, she's doing this because she is feeling unsafe and out of control like a 3 yr old and desperately NEEDS her rock strong daddy to shelter her through her storm. Problem is her daddy is acting far from her desperately needed strong rock and is instead, actually yelling at her making her feel bad instead.

How do you expect a 3 yr old is going to react when her daddy acts just as out of control? Can you see how your lack of understanding about your own masculinity is fucking up the relationship dynamic? She defiantly sees it and is reacting to her emotions of disgust, disappointment and fear because she's scared to death she married such a out of control weak sauce of a man. There is nothing worse to a women that a emasculated male!

You need to understand that a masculine man controls his behavior no matter what is said when tested. There is no excuse for just loosing it! I hope you can see how horrid you look to her if you do. Since your not going to do it again, your going to show her you are masculine and start being her steady rock in the storm no matter what! Your going to use masculine secondary communication from now on and STFU is the start. Once you regain a little respect your going to show you can lead by calmly guiding her through the next few storms using your rock solid frame. If your constant and truly understand how you need to change, hopefully she still cares enough to respond.

rocketskates4209576 · 2017-09-09T04:22:08+00:00

struggle with this one myself. you're pointing out things you dont like about yourself in these situations, which is a good start.

but then I respond. So engaging with her is a losing battle. I say things I regret and the solution could always be waiting out the storm.

you're going into her frame. the end game is to build yourself (frame) up so you don't fold in these situations.

that's the thought i keep in my head during. i still fuck up, and there are other times i think i handled myself pretty good only to learn something a few days later that lets me know i still fucked it up. but the one thing it has completely stopped (so far, anyway) is that i quit going back and forth. i quit answering the stupid questions. i quit getting derailed from the issue and staying on point. i still end up yelling and looking like a jackass when she's really pissed...but i have made some progress too, gotta bench 225 before you can bench 300, right? so keep that in mind when you're getting started.

the other thing you're gonna hear once other OP's start chiming in is STFU. they'll also tell you not to be autistic or a permanent mute about it too. lol You'll also get references to the sidebar, and for real...read that shit, it's pure gold.

savoyshopper · 2017-09-09T04:33:29+00:00

Thanks. I take it you were restrained in your response.

Yes, there is a lot in what you say. I feel like if I can classically condition her to understand that there is no favorable outcome to tantrums that she will adjust well.

We also have two small children. Sometimes I think the challenge is exacerbated by needing to take care of them - there is a need to interact that would not be there if it was just the two of us. Perhaps my post should have focussed on that dynamic.

BobbyPeru · 2017-09-09T04:48:05+00:00

Most of the time STFU is the answer, but certain things need to be addressed - Name calling is one of them. But, how you do it is key. You have to stay calm and absolutes not DEER when she voiles on autopilot to get you riled up.

Frame is everything here. You don't have it yet, but you can start going through the motions calmly.

cholomite · 2017-09-09T13:37:53+00:00

"I happen to be incredibly more incisive and cutting when I lose my temper"

AKA, I'm a bigger cunt than my wife. That's not anything to be proud of my dude. Turn your bitchiness into charm and sharp wit and you'll have something.

I think your problem is that you respect your wife too much, and you put to much weight and value in her words. You realize you're supposed to be better than her, right?

http://masculineprinciple.blogspot.ca/2015/03/woman-most-responsible-teenager-in-house.html?m=1

Read this article and stop viewing your wife as a well rounded logical independent person and start viewing her as the mental child that she probably is. Would you get angry at a 7yr old if they called you a "doodoo head"?

Nec_sorte_Nec_fato · 2017-09-09T11:37:58+00:00

You are a weak pussy and have no frame.

Title	Temper tantrum or temper timer
Author	savoyshopper
Upvotes	0
Comments	12
Date	September 9, 2017 3:49 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6yzo4i/temper_tantrum_or_temper_timer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/temper-tantrum-or-temper-timer.205504 https://theredarchive.com/post/205504

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