Alpha Oneitis

AlphaAsFAQ · 2015-01-15T05:47:12+00:00

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asd1100 · 2015-01-15T08:52:01+00:00

Ok, oneitis isn't only for betas, it's a male wishfull thinking syndrome, there are plenty of married red pill veterans that give out great theory but are blind to the cunt in their own bed.

understand she isn't all that great, you are idealising her and only considering the good parts. Also in paralel disect what you loved about her and go for girls that have that. It's easy to just go for numbers and low hanging fruit, but be honest with youself if you are pulling 10+ girls every month and you aren't happy. You should change strategy, try something different(I went from plate spinning to dating with FWB and now to monogamy and challenged myself to go a full year of it despite my best judgement at the time)

elysius · 2015-01-15T14:55:43+00:00

You can understand, intellectually, that you're romanticizing the past, a person, a relationship, an event, but that alone doesn't make the feelings go away, because feelings are deeper and more primordial than thoughts. Something about the experience made an indelible impression on you, and it will always feel like a hole that needs to be filled. So you look to the obvious answer: the best shape to fill this hole is the shape that created it. If only you could get back together with you ex, you would feel whole again.

But you know what the most fucked up thing is? When you get what you want (e.g. get back together with the ex) and realize it's not enough. That that thing you had at first is dead, gone forever, and you can never, ever have it back again. The experience changed both of you-- both of you now have an impression in the shape of the other-- so now you can't fit each other anymore. That hole will always be there, an emptiness between the two of you, a silence that can never be broken.

In some cases, having this experience helps you realize that it's bad to dwell on the past. Sometimes when people go through this and feel it in their bones that their ex is not the answer, it frees them up to find better things up ahead. They won't be constantly comparing every new relationship against that old, perfect one, because they understand, emotionally, that it was not all about the person, but the moment. So it's easier for them to take new people as they are, instead of how they feel they should be.

In other cases, however, going through this makes people even more obsessed with the past. They know it was not about the person, but the emptiness they felt when they were back together was so overwhelming that they obsess over feeling the way they once did, again. So they set out to recreate the experience with every new person that comes their way, something like Woody Allen in Annie Hall.

Similarly, in some cases never getting back with your ex is what makes you come to terms with it and learn to enjoy new relationship for what they are, and, in other cases, never getting back with your ex is what makes you obsessed with it and unable to enjoy new relationships for what they are. Ultimately it might just come down to how prone you are to simply sabotage yourself.

So I don't really have an answer, but I hope this helped shed some light on the subject, so you can think more clearly. I'm afraid that's all we can do.

FrameWalker · 2015-01-15T16:31:51+00:00

Hang in there buddy. I know you will pull through. Focus on yourself, build yourself up. Get oneitis for yourself. Eventually you'll get better and better lays and the old ones will be forgotten.

Who knows it might take 50. Keep at it.

Title	Alpha Oneitis
Author	AlfalfaStemlord
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	January 15, 2015 4:46 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2shgmb/alpha_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/alpha-oneitis.145283 https://theredarchive.com/post/145283

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