Anything else than GFTOW?

abdada · 2015-10-02T13:11:38+00:00

Once your wife is gone you'll discover a cleaner home, more money in the bank, better sleep, better food and less exhaustion.

GFTOW and don't live with any of them.

zo34 · 2015-10-02T13:06:18+00:00

but I started totally berating myself in my head

This is evidence of value still placed in your wife. It seems to me that you are evaluating your self-worth based on how she treats you and others. What happened is that you put your self-worth in her treatment, and valued yourself based on her actions. She didn't treat you well? You must be shit. She treats Chad well? You must be shit.

Identifying the problem won't help you, though. A plan to get up and out of your pit will help you. A therapist is part of this, I think. So is some self-love. I encourage you to start a jounral that tracks how you are feeling (whenever you feel like garbage write it down). Follow these moments of shit-feelz with something that you enjoy. The point is to counter the bad with the good. Not just gym time, but whatever it is that you enjoy, that lends worth and value to your self-image. I think that time with friends (that isn't a feelz-fest of "I'm so sorry, man, she's a bitch) or time alone working on projects would be a good direction to head in. Even camping, hiking, anything really that is good in your life.

but somehow I thought about "doing something to make my wife a better person"

Here is a covert contract. Stop that shit. Read NMMNG. If you've read it, read it again and do the exercises.

Don't fuck anyone else or do anything incriminating until the divorce is finalized. Don't give her ammunition. If you can find evidence of infidelity, get it to your lawyer now. If you don't have a lawyer, WTF, man?

if I don't reproduce and a female found me useless I should kill myself?

You need to take yourself more seriously. I'll reference Turing (the computer guy) as a point. This man was gay, contributed nothing to the gene-pool, and was still a great man. Your value lies not in fucking women, but in your goals, in your passion, and in your vision. Fucking is a sidebar to being awesome.

secret_barber · 2015-10-02T13:28:26+00:00

I'm totally tired of the way she treats me. No respect at all. I'll divorce her. This is a pretty good option for me.

Focus on these statements. You made them. Believe them. Don't allow yourself to daydream anything you wrote after them. None of it matters.

laboda_ · 2015-10-02T13:32:37+00:00

HeteroSandPaper,

I have gone through almost the exact same shit. After it turned out that my ex cheated on me I felt worthless and I started taking T booster stuff etc.. I am over it now, I just laugh at the whole thing. As zo34 said: "What happened is that you put your self-worth in her treatment, and valued yourself based on her actions."

With time you can heal from the "Nice Guy Syndrome". Keep working on yourself and interacting with other people and don't give a fuck what others think about you. Stop being a nice guy for people take advantage on nice guys. I would recommend you to read The Book of Pook if you haven't already read it, you can find it here: https://bookofpook.neocities.org/

Keep your head up bro, what you feel is temporary, it will go away with time!

Cruel_Man · 2015-10-02T14:44:03+00:00

You created your situation and TRP explains how you did it. However, that doesn't mean you need to be punished for it in perpetuity. In some things you do get a second chance, which is why most of us will advocate that you walk away.

It's like starting a business and having it fail. You get to walk away. Just learn from it and don't make the same mistakes.

So basically... what the fuck is going on with me?

Your biological imperative is to accrue resources and status so that you can fuck and reproduce.

If you are with a partner who is sapping your resources, lowering your status, and blocking your ability to mate, guess what? You're gonna feel like shit.

Part of the solution is recognizing this about yourself so that when you face obstacles like a shitty wife, you are able to sort through your emotions in a mature and direct way so that you can evaluate them from a point of reason.

Likewise, you should employ that same method with positive emotions so that you develop a calm, reasoned default emotional state. Oh, a new woman who I talked to and kissed? Oh look, I employed my resources and status to cultivate a new mating prospect.

It sounds like a fucking BBC Planet Earth episode replete with Attenborough commentary, but it remains the core mechanic.

Deconstruct these emotions, and always return to yourself. Try to work on cultivating intrinsic worth that no one else can take away. This is why we promote good habits in sleep, diet, exercise, knowledge/understanding, frame, fortitude, etc. Unlike a job or a wife or a reputation, no one can take those things away from you and any benefit you create in your life will stem from those internal qualities.

If you take care to develop those things, you begin to handle obstacles that crop up. Instead of feeling like shit when you suspect your wife may be sucking another man's dick, you change your internal dialog to, why did I make such a poor decision in choosing her? You are now able to take responsibility for YOUR actions, realizing that now you deserve better, and are able to change the narrative completely.

But that will not happen until you start to create intrinsic value that you actually start to believe about yourself. You can help that along by fucking other women, but since it's not real and can come crashing with a single rejection, it's a double-edged sword.

Fucking women does not create your value, but creating your value will lead to fucking women.

dandar4600 · 2015-10-02T20:10:39+00:00

Sounds to me like you live in her frame and gauge your value by her treatment of you. You also still seem to harbor covert contracts which might warrant re-reading on NMMNG.

Respect is given when it's warranted and demanded. She won't respect you if you are not a man worth respecting. You should STFU about your feelings, take care of your shit and gauge your value internally. Once you respect yourself and demand respect she will respect you.

Also part of the reason for her treatment of you is the fact that you cheated on her before the marriage. Do not apologize for it again. If she brings it up in arguments own it as a mistake that has been apologized for in the past and that you won't apologize for it again.

For a man that claims to have unplugged 18 months ago, you still seem like a total noob. At least you're clean and lifting. Re-read married red pill sidebar and try to internalize it this time.

dandar4600 · 2015-10-03T05:54:05+00:00

So when she came to you with the comfort test or maybe not even a test at all just for comfort you basically told her to go fuck herself.

I don't know how you implemented the red pill but whatever you did imploded your marriage. Maybe you took stfu too literally. Maybe you went all alpha all the time, maybe you failed shit tests and subsequent comfort tests. Whatever you did, you did not lead your family and did not give your wife the feelings of love and protection that women sometimes need to feel from their husbands.

Whatever, you cheated she cheated, you don't talk but somehow you think if you do something she will become a better person (covert contract right there.) At this point you are not willing to file, you are just waiting for the divorce to proceed because you don't know what to do and feel powerless and worthless.

Why don't you talk to her, try to give it one more shot for the kids, start leading and pay attention to comfort tests. Show her that you're a man worth fighting for. Let go of the anger and become awesome. If not for her than at least for your kids who are about to be blue pill conditioned by a mommy who is about to be both a mommy and a daddy.

DarkSagePrincess · 2015-10-02T13:12:50+00:00

If you have a feeling she cheated and she's had ample opportunity to do so, she probably has. However, if you think there's still a good chance she didn't cheat and you think the relationship is salvagable it's time to employ some hardcore dread game so she starts treating you better. If she isn't receptive to dread game she's already about to branch swing and probably already has another man lined up. Fuck that new girl to clear your head and to think about what your next move is; should help some.

Title	Anything else than GFTOW?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	October 2, 2015 12:45 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3n7yb4/anything_else_than_gftow/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anything-else-than-gftow.154627 https://theredarchive.com/post/154627

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