Approach anxiety tips

CockFlavour · 2014-12-03T20:34:40+00:00

Here's what I would do if I was in your situation. Just as you have to escalate with a girl, you have to escalate with yourself to where you are "in the zone". I'll explain.

Let's say the hypothetical pick-up situation is somewhere on campus. You're walking around and you see someone you know. Go say what's up! Make small talk. Done.

Keep walking, you see a dude with a fitted of your favorite sport's team. Say something to the effect of "Patriots are killin' it this season, right?!" Fist bump and move on. Do this a few times until you're warmed up to approach the first girl. It doesn't matter if she's old fat young ugly pretty white black, you're just trying to get yourself in the zone.

Say something in passing, comment on her shoes or earrings or pretend to ask where a class is being held.

"Hey those earrings are perfect for my girlfriend, where can I buy them? Cool, thanks."

"Hey do I know you from x party last weekend? No? Haha, okay! You looked familiar. Cya!"

"Do you know which hall x is in?"

At this point, you've approached a bunch of people and "broke the ice" with five or six.

Just keep doing this until you're anxiety free. This will help you get in the zone of where you're in the motion and not THINKING about the interaction so much. Less thinking, more doing. People don't think about what they should talk about next or how to hold their hands or what expression they're making... It's just gotta flow.

Best of luck.

fnordsnord · 2014-12-03T20:32:03+00:00

You have to work to internalize the fact that the BEST of us do NOT f-close on more than about 10% of cold approaches. Understand and accept that rejection is a part of being a sexually active male. BELIEVE in your bones that a rejection of you as a suitor does NOT invalidate you as a person, or as a man. It just means that you didn't have what ONE girl wanted at ONE particular time.

And, finally, learn to ignore anxiety. Accept that it is to be there. Make the approach anyway.

Consider: Yes, getting a bang is a success. But so is getting a date. So is getting a number. So is getting a name. All of these have value and are all wins. Remember to count and appreciate your smaller wins.

usul1628 · 2014-12-03T20:15:50+00:00

Don't go looking for plates, go looking for someone who can hold an interesting conversation for 2 minutes. Everywhere you go where you'd be twiddling your thumbs for a few minutes waiting, strike up a conversation with someone. Male, female, HB9 or a troll, it doesn't matter. Once you're talking with lots of people, eventually you'll be talking to someone you'll want to ask out.

tombreck2 · 2014-12-03T20:27:36+00:00

First day of class go up to a girl and say: "Hey I don't know anybody here, we should exchange numbers so that if one of us misses class we can exchange notes". Worked 100% for me.

RedbullF1 · 2014-12-04T00:37:28+00:00

You can try to take a job where you're forced to cold approach people as a means to ask for donations. Do non profit work. That way you're going to get used to isolating these women aside for a second for a purpose and facing rejection, lots and lots rejection. It doesn't mean anything and just like someone turning you away because they're not interested in donating money to your cause, being rejected by a woman for a date doesn't change anything about you, your day, or who you are.

kingofpoplives · 2014-12-04T16:36:31+00:00

It's all about reps. Once you have absorbed 1000 rejections, you know deep down that number 1001 won't be the one that destroys you, so the fear disappears.

No substitute for field experience. In the beginning it helps to make your approaches in places that are not highly visible so you do not have face public humiliation on top of being rejected.

Title	Approach anxiety tips
Author	jcrunk13
Upvotes	4
Comments	7
Date	December 3, 2014 8:05 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2o6oib/approach_anxiety_tips/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/approach-anxiety-tips.144148 https://theredarchive.com/post/144148

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