Caught incredibly strong oneitis for the first time

This is an extremely long post, it outlines several days of the past 6-7 weeks for context so please bear with me. I didn't want to leave out many details.

The past half decade I've been able to drastically improve my overall abundance, in every aspect of life. Having a phone full of numbers, and seeing and hanging out with attractive girls on a very regular basis made me think that I had a strong formula for avoiding what TRP calls oneitis which I'd never truly felt.

That's why I'm a little disappointed and sad with how I handled myself throughout this process. I hope members of the community can give me some feedback so that I can learn and grow from this experience.

Generally, I've been focusing on accumulating as many sexual partners as possible, but recently been trying to screen for LTRs because at the risk of sounding fake and gay, I think there is value in building something real.

So I met this girl through my summer job. I'm in college and was working as a camp counselor with 18-20 or so other staff roughly the same age as me. At first I didn't think much of her. She was hot, and was unusually nice in disposition. But I had little interest in her because I had several others on my plate.

So while on the job, we were together on an assignment, which basically means sitting in a park and making sure the kids aren't fighting one another aka not doing shit. We were sitting on this bench for like 2.5 hours just talking.

Turns out she's a serious Christian. Plays a college sport. Used to drink/smoke for a couple years before getting heavily involved in the church. Is a serious extrovert. So we hit it off, at one point she was trying to rest her head on my chest, and touched my thigh. So picking up on that I reciprocated the kino and soon after let her know I'm having coffee after work and that she's free to join.

She comes and we have a great time together. I lead most of the interaction, she seemed to be able to talk nonstop. Like once I prodded about her life a little she just picked up and rolled with it. It was easy to sit back and let her talk while occasionally teasing and throwing questions in there.

We ended up sitting there for a couple of hours until I realized that it's 8pm and I'm still sitting outside a coffee shop with a girl I just met, and still have a bunch of other shit to do before the day is over.

So the next few days we end up hanging out more in a small group with a couple of others. I start realizing more and more as we hangout that I'm starting to crush on her a bit.

Then she invited me to a BBQ event on the weekend. I went and she introduced me to a bunch of people. It was cool, I had a mini stroke of genius when I got bored of her friends and said "help me find a trash can to throw this bottle away"

When isolated, I pull her in and k-close. Couple of minutes later her best friend shows up late and implores us to come back and hangout. So while it wasn't ideal, I end up leaving feeling good about this situation.

The next day, I got word about an friend from the past who has recently been diagnosed with a serious health issue. The news devastated me and my mind went all over the place, thinking about family members who've passed away. In the middle of the night, I drive off several hours to the hospital where my friend is staying.

While I'm driving, the girl is texting me wanting to hangout the next day. I don't know why, but I told her what happened in a short message and then stopped responding. The whole time I'm thinking that I'm so stupid for opening up like that and telling her the truth.

She was insanely compassionate. When we met up for coffee the next day, she was saying that she was up for hours praying for my friend, talking about Jesus and all this "we need to be bold in our prayer, illness is not of the body". Saying that she was gonna be there for me no matter what happens. It was honestly really nice because I never open myself up like that to girls because I always thought it was weak.

So afterwards, I asked her what she was gonna do, being that it's a Saturday night. She says that she's gonna have to babysit her 12 y/o sister, and that it's gonna be boring and that I should come.

I end up going and while we're sitting in the living room we start playfighting. I try to escalate, she's into it and after we give each other head she says that she's a virgin and hasn't been penetrated before. Instead of escalating as normal, we talk about it a bit. She said that she likes me alot, but she doesn't want any man other than her husband to take her virginity. I actually believe it because it was congruent with her other beliefs and being so religious. Regardless I had an excellent time and enjoyed her company alot.

The next day we end up spending 4-5 hours in church together. Most of that time we spent just sitting in this lounging room with out hands interlocked just talking about life.

It was during this time that I realized that I am catching incredibly powerful oneitis for this girl. I was over time becoming obsessed with her. And it wasn't even just that she's attractive. Like I legitimately like talking to her, and we vibe on a really good level as friends. She was inspiring the fuck out of me to just be great. None of the girls I've met and had sex with have ever made this strong of an emotional connection with, probably because I just never opened up to them and none of them caught me at such a vulnerable time.

It's important to note that these feelings of intense attraction I tried my best to keep under wraps. I knew from reading TRP to not become desperate and constantly initiate contact or show signs of neediness. I would still randomly wait hours to respond to messages, make sure that I posted a couple of Snapchats a week while out at night with my friends and other girls to keep up the image of who I (thought) I was.

So she let's me know that she's going back to school in a couple of weeks. Her school is in a different state across the country. It was a shocker, because I knew the day was coming, but I had grown extremely fond of her recently. So I play it cool in front of her.

But in my head, I was really mad at myself for becoming attached to this girl who I have not even penetrated yet. I know logically it's dumb, but the emotional connection that is there drove me to near insanity. I said nothing to her about how I was feeling. I told myself that in the following days, I'd block her on Instagram and Snapchat and delete her number to hard next.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. And so one time after work all our staff members went to a beach for a volleyball game. I was incredibly mad still and decided I would try to get her mad at me, so that she would think I'm an asshole, blame me and hard next me instead so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

In the least cocky way possible, I was easily the best volleyball player in the game that day. Just by virtue of height and athleticism, nobody could compete with me. So every time the ball went up, I would spike it and immediately talk trash to her and others on her team. I felt like absolute shit, and in hindsight this was an awful decision.

So I continued acting like a bully, and all the while she did nothing but occasionally just frown at me. Like I was legitimately trying to be mean spirited and she said nothing. The game ended and I left without saying a word to anyone.

The next day everyone wanted to play again, and this time I tried to double down on the bully act because it was physically hurting me thinking about her being gone. I wanted her to next me and block me. I did not want to admit how much I was gonna miss her. Oneitis.

So I made myself look like a jackass. My boss (female) played in this game, and at one point she asked me "are you mad about something" to which I did not respond. I've been in athletic competitions my whole life and I've rarely if ever displayed that level of aggression. It was especially bad because it was a co workers game where people were trying to have fun.

In the middle of the game, I was taking it so serious that when I made a mistake and fumbled the ball, I lost it and booted the ball. In my frustration, I straight up left like a sore loser. People came up to me asking what happened, and I couldn't tell them the truth.

For the next few hours I was sulking. I went to the gym, my workout was absolute shit because I couldn't focus. People were texting me asking how I was doing, or if I wanted to talk about it, and I would decline. I was sitting around, constantly checking my phone to see if she had blocked me yet.

She never did. She sent me a message that night and asked if I was feeling down about my friends health situation. It was disarming, and we started messaging back and forth. Then she says "We're going to the Lake tomorrow, if you wanna come we could carpool".

Then I realized that her flight is in 2 days. And this may be my last opportunity to ever see her again. So I agreed, and her and I ended up meeting with another guy and the three of us carpooled to the Lake to meetup with everyone else.

The whole car ride, I was pretty quiet. I didn't know how I should handle this. To be honest I was still sad she was leaving. I didn't say very much at all. So when we get there, everyone is having a good time hanging out. People are drinking, eating pizza, and people were going into the water.

I was being very social with everyone except girl I have oneitis for. She was out doing flips and shit off the dock into the water. Eventually I made my way out there and just had my feet inside contemplating if I would swim or not. So this bitch sneaks behind me when I'm not looking and tries to push me into the Lake.

Immediately I spin around and catch myself but everyone who saw is laughing their asses off as she runs away. It was pretty funny tbh because people were trying to record it on their phones. So I sit back down with my feet in the water. Not five minutes later she tries again, except this time I think she realized she wasn't strong enough to straight up push me in so she gets a running start and does some WWE shit where she grabs my head and jumped into the water herself, pulling me in with her.

So this water is cold as fuck, but the whole sequence of events made me ease up, and I ended up having a great time after that with her. We went inside and played Poker, we were kicking it and eventually it's midnight and we're ready to head back.

So as we go back, waves of emotion are going through me. I was happy, sad, exited, hyped, nostalgic, all of the above. We were playing old music that I grew up listening to, and laughing and smiling all the way back to the parking lot where my car was parked.

So we pull in. It was still her, I and another guy. We all hopped out and started saying our goodbyes. We're all hugging because this is the last real time we'll all hangout.

The other guy goes to his car. Me and the girl start talking pleasantries about how good the summer has been etc and she suddenly gets a call from her mom. So I'm like 'I guess this is it' in my head and go to my car. I hop in, start the car and begin pulling away.

A couple of seconds later, she honks her horn several times. I stop and look out my window. She's motioning for me to come back while she's still on the phone. So I come back and get out.

She hangs up and comes over to me. She asks me about how I'm feeling, and that she's been worried about me lately. We end up sitting in her car cuddled up talking about this experience and how good it's been getting to know one another. I say I'm sorry about how I acted earlier in the week, and we kiss, and then start making out in the car. Things escalate and we end up blowing each other again. Afterwards we just sat there, talking, and it was awesome.

So it's 1:30am and it's about that time to say goodbye. We have a really long embrace, and she says she's gonna miss me. I start getting really sappy and in the moment I let it slip that I'm gonna be "so sad when you leave". Idiot move I know. Wasn't thinking with my brain.

So we say our final goodbyes and I drive off. She gets on a plane the next morning, and that's that. All in all I'm extremely happy that I met this girl. She gave me an awesome experience and a story I'll be able to tell for a long time. But now I'm feeling a little down because I've never met a girl who I really vibed with in this way. Maybe it was because of the situation because I was vulnerable with the bad news, but idk. I feel like most of the girls I've dated can't hold a candle to her in terms of personality and compassion even if they have comparable looks.

Please let me know your thoughts on this situation. I want to use this as a learning experience as much as possible.