Complaining/shit-testing about my driving

InformationFetus · 2014-04-30T20:28:43+00:00

"If you don't like how I drive, take the bus/cab/walk/you can drive then"

But I also see if my driving is actually causing anxiety in other people. If so, I'll be more conscious of my driving habits. Mostly the first one though.

whoops_fap · 2014-04-30T21:46:15+00:00

You might be a shitty driver too. Has she ever been in an accident? I have a few times and every time after that if I was riding with a shitty driver it was terrifying.

redpillshadow · 2014-04-30T22:07:41+00:00

You are failing the test with each of your answers.

Sometimes I try and cockily laugh things off, like "yup, I get nice and close, but never hit one yet"

That doesn't do you any good. She is challenging your frame and testing whether you are capable of squashing her anxiety and make her feel safe. Your answer doesn't do that. Nothing about your answer says "you are safe baby".

or agree/amplify like, "that other car is sure a menace, let me catch up to them and we can ask them to pay better attention"

Same problem. It is more likely that you make her feel worse with that. If you agree and amplify here it has to be absolutely clear that her worries are ridiculous. "I'm training for the car crash derby on Saturday".

sometimes sinceere "I am sorry you are feeling anxiety, but I am driving just fine, have always been defensive driver and have never had an accident."

And that is too long. You qualify to her and try to beat it with logic. Short and to the point "You are safe with me."

Any thoughts about good ways to handle the situation? thanks

Try acting instead of reacting. If it is anxiety she won't shoot those test without being visibly uncomfortable first. If that is the case take her mind of it.

"why are you driving so slow?"

That is a different shit test. That means she has destroyed your confidence in driving normally around her and that worries her even more.

dragontx · 2014-05-01T02:10:33+00:00

I broke my wife out of this habit years ago. I was pretty much red pill most of my life, just didn't call it that, but pretty much don't take sh*t from women. Here's how I handled it.

Tell her to stop. Simple as that. Let he know her behavior is distracting and you need your attention on driving, not listening to her.
If she continues, pull over somewhere safe like a parking lot, or the next exit if you're on the freeway.
Put the vehicle in park and wait silently.

When she asks you why you pulled over, tell her every time she says something about your driving you will pull over. Her actions must have consequences. Repeat step two if necessary.

I've been married over 20 years and have not had to deal with this type of sh*t for a very long time. Good luck.

blarggggggggggg · 2014-04-30T20:23:45+00:00

Next her. No, really.

My wife did the same and I've just filled for divorce.

Why should you do that?

Because she is not into you.

If she was, she would appreciate the way you drive.

Honestly. My wife often was bitching about my driving, but when I proposed her that she'll drive, she rejected that proposal. So, this really has nothing to do with the way you drive, I think.

She finds you unattractive. Man up, lift weights, read MMSLP.

RedBigMan · 2014-05-01T00:30:49+00:00

Easy way to pass the test is to pull over and tell her to GTFO and drive away. Consequentially it's also a great way to NEXT her ass.

boydeer · 2014-05-01T03:05:49+00:00

reassure her that you are in control, and tell her she doesn't have to relax, but she needs to stop distracting you from the road. if you can't just tell her she needs to stop this clearly irrational and disruptive behavior and have her drop it (maybe with being reminded a few times), i don't know how it's going to go with more ambiguous shit.

New_Horiz0ns · 2014-05-01T03:37:05+00:00

It's getting really fucking annoying and I sometimes get to the point where I just want to pull over and tell her if she can't shut the fuck up that she should ~~just drive.~~ Walk!

Seems to me this ur ltr gf/wife. Looks like she is used to you being a champ. Sometimes shoving medicine down her throat works best. Your medicine is, pulling over, asking her calmly to get of the car so you can show her something. You get back in the car. Lock her out. And say you will leave her there, if she doesn't keep quite. This will return more bitching, in your situation. To avoid that, you have to be genuine and willing to leave her on the road.

mynamesjoey · 2014-05-01T03:50:00+00:00

When anyone does this to me, i just turn up the music. If you touch the head unit and its not an emergency, you're walkin, a general rule. I got a 12 inch sub too btw:)

ryvir · 2014-05-01T05:45:52+00:00

Tell her to shut the fuck up or drive herself. It's pretty simple. If she's going to be rude and backseat drive you up the wall you don't need to spend time with her.

raceAround126 · 2014-05-01T06:32:04+00:00

My ex did this all the time. She would work me up to a point where my driving did suffer and, sometimes, was frankly dangerous. I was concentrating on the road, she'd start with the little digs, I'd tell her to shut it, or stop complaining as she was putting me off, it'd only drive her further into it until eventually, one day, I almost hit another car head on instinctively correcting her from literally SCREAMING that I was about to hit the curb.

I wasn't, but when you're driving and someone yells "HOLY SHIT STOP!" it's kinda difficult to not react.

This went on for years. To the point where if we drove anywhere, I insisted she drove simply to avoid her shit tests. Then, when going anywhere out of the ordinary, she'd have me navigate. That's fine, but she'd ignore my directions, get lost, and then complain that I am unable to read a map.

Getting into a car with her is probably the one thing I avoided if at all possible.

How do you handle the situation? I have no idea. I failed entirely. Even when one day I stopped the car, got out and started walking, I had her and a friend in the car. Both were drunk, I was designated driver. I had to put my tail between my legs and get back in. Plus, as it was my car, I didn't want to just leave it there.

Title	Complaining/shit-testing about my driving
Author	blarggggggggggg
Upvotes	9
Comments	19
Date	April 30, 2014 7:55 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/24e7wj/complainingshittesting_about_my_driving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/complainingshit-testing-about-my-driving.139600 https://theredarchive.com/post/139600

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