Contacting after hookup

dontdrinkthekoolade · 2015-01-04T13:01:28+00:00

I wouldn't contact her. When you do, it puts her in the control position. Wait it out, or at least give it some time before you reach out to her.

Don't catch oneitis on a ONS. If you feel like you're starting to (and it happens sometimes) you have even more reason to not have contact with her.

fnordsnord · 2015-01-04T17:18:39+00:00

Yes. It's a beta urge. No, it's not that bad.

Here's the thing: women want BOTH things from men. Their romance-novel ideal is a powerful, bad boy alpha that their sexuality/personality fascinates SO much that he wants to give up his alpha ways and ride off into the sunset with them. Of course, if he does that, within two years she's asking "What happened to the man I married?"

If you give her NOTHING but aloof alpha day in, day out for years, you'll get sex, but eventually her inner cavewoman is going to start to wonder. Sure, you're alpha enough to keep the cave bears away, but do you give enough of a shit to kill a mastodon and drag it back to the cave so that the cubs can have protein.

We hammer alpha=good/beta=bad around here because third wave feminism is completely emasculating, and the men who come here generally have beta covered.

If you want to be supportive, it's okay, and you can. But you still have to put your brain into the mindset of YOU are the Captain in the relationship.

So - swim meet today, and it's important to her. Put yourself in the mindset of a coach, sergeant, or other leader figure.

Text her short and simple.

"Good luck today." FULL STOP.

If she expresses nervousness or a lack of confidence.

"What? You can do this."

But that's ALL. FULL STOP. Then SHUT UP. Do NOT yammer away at her all soft and squishy. You've communicated a) that you give a shit and b) that you support her.

Anything more and you start looking like a puppy. And if a woman wants a puppy, she'll BUY one.

LemonGranade · 2015-01-04T14:38:31+00:00

yeah no, abundance mentality bro, wait a few days, 4 days is good. If she doesn't text you for a very long time then you can text her

thenarrrowpath · 2015-01-04T20:49:21+00:00

Dont do it. I 3 ONS last October, texted them all the following day and got radio silence. I would wait, and contact her again saying something along the lines of how you hope she did well at the swim meet (don't ask her about it, save that convo for in person). Then ask for her availability and set up a second meet.

entropicfreedom · 2015-01-04T22:43:42+00:00

UPDATE: just heard from her

her: hiiiiiiiiiii! hows your day? me (1 hours later): Hello. Good thanks.

aHangingChad · 2015-01-04T22:48:01+00:00

I've been reading your comments and you act really self-conscious. I've got some good news for you: People notice you a lot less than you notice yourself.

You're not a fascination of any girl. You don't arouse the sort of passion by your very prescence that would have a girl get in a fight with you a cut all contact because she "never wants to see you again". She hardly notices you. This is because you're predictable, which is why they think you're just a beta.

I agree with /u/fnordsnord. "Good luck (at your swim meet) today". FULL STOP. It's polite, says what you want to say without coming off as needy and try-hard, which are beta traits.

slickmotherslucker · 2015-01-05T00:52:10+00:00

I am facing a similar situation with a plate who is having a really important job interview -- do I wish her good luck or act like I don't give a fuck

bill_burr_bagels · 2015-01-04T17:06:37+00:00

always go North Carolina

Title	Contacting after hookup
Author	entropicfreedom
Upvotes	3
Comments	34
Date	January 4, 2015 12:26 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2rao30/contacting_after_hookup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/contacting-after-hookup.144938 https://theredarchive.com/post/144938

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