Currently reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People"; how do I show genuine interest if I struggle to care?

DeborahBinLaden · 2019-05-11T07:05:50+00:00

I struggled with this.

A sociopath doesn’t care, but they play the game to win and they play it well.

Being interested takes work and practice before it becomes second nature. Tell yourself that every single person has interesting things about them. It’s easier to have fun and find ways to enjoy interacting with anybody when you feel good too. I keep repeating this phrase:

All reflection and no action leads to depression/cynicism. All action but no reflection leads to a burn out

You don’t have to care about them, it’s just a thing you’re going to practice and get better at. If it gives you more incentive rationalise it as a selfish act - you’re improving your conversational skills, potentially forming a useful relationship. Even though the book focuses on other people it’s still all about your own success.

Some people are fucking boring and of no use anyway

trp369 · 2019-05-11T07:09:57+00:00

Imagine working a job where you have to talk to people and be polite, you would speak to people and be interested in their life, what they did today, what their sisters brothers mothers son did yesterday etc, none of which you give a shit about. However, you will be interested in this stuff because it’s your job and you get something out of it, you profit from being interested because it makes you better at your job and gets you a promotion.

The same context, I believe, applies to day to day life outside of work. I don’t give a shit about most people but I can act interested because I am going to gain something from it such as getting a new girl through day game, getting closer to a gym partner etc

embracingtheredpill · 2019-05-11T15:56:14+00:00

My only advice to you would be to take off your headphones, switch off your mobile phone screen and look around. There is a world around you, making sound, movements, and you can literally hear people's thoughts through their actions. This "not caring" or "not interested" is, at this stage, more likely a manifestation of ego protection to prevent yourself from the risk of actually talking to people rather than the realisation of what you do and do not care about. Take your head out of the sand and dare to listen to the world around you, and sure enough, soon enough, you'll find something to talk about with a person. Each person in this world, whether they like it or not, whether they want to or not, is almost always literally screaming "HELP ME, PAY ATTENTION TO ME, VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE" through their actions. Women, and a lot of men. If you can be the person to do that, lean in to who they say they want to be, and engage with that, you'll be ahead of such a large proportion of the world in a few moments, its insane. The hard part is continuing to care, of not being turned off by the neediness.

Jedi_Buzz_Zerker · 2019-05-11T13:28:02+00:00

That's a great book to start with.

However, in my humble opinion, a book that's 100 times better is a more recent one called 'Captivate' by Vanessa Van Edwards.

trpboy123 · 2019-05-11T07:21:32+00:00

While it's one of the best books on socialising, I recommend you put it off and read captivate by Vanessa Edwards.

BurnoutRS · 2019-05-11T14:53:10+00:00

When you talk with people, do you ever just take a step back and let them do the talking? Do you ever ask an open ended question, and then nod, and occassionally say "yeah" or "wow" or "thats crazy" while the other person talks?

Showing genuine interest isnt necessarily the same as being genuinely interested. You might consider it a case of being genuinely interested in the art of conversation, the form, rather than being interested in what is actually being spoken about, the content. You're interested in seeing what the person has to say, and what you can learn about them.

beastmodeking · 2019-05-11T22:56:38+00:00

I'm currently dealing with the same issue and have seen people recommend this book and the charisma myth. I find I don't listen when others talk and try to jump in back into the conversation right away. also my voice gets higher pitch.

eeeehshure · 2019-05-11T09:49:36+00:00

Dont take that book too seriously. Its kinda outdated and it leads to a boring life. You dont have to be friends with everyone

Microman666 · 2019-05-11T12:51:27+00:00

Fake it til you make it

Title	Currently reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People"; how do I show genuine interest if I struggle to care?
Author	MountainEphiphany
Upvotes	13
Comments	15
Date	May 11, 2019 5:53 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bn8ruc/currently_reading_how_to_win_friends_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/currently-reading-how-to-win-friends-and-influence.238001 https://theredarchive.com/post/238001

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