Dealing with death

TecnoParadox · 2017-05-25T15:23:08+00:00

Straight to monk mode and go through the 5 stages of grief. Let yourself go through all the pain but don't drown in it and push yourself forward. That means getting up of bed, working lifting, etc... Take sometime to get more emotional stable (2-4 weeks) beforehand and then just focus on you. Things got better for me when I lost someone close to me to suicide but it did get better but it'll take time.

chooseaburner · 2017-05-25T16:37:59+00:00

What I would ask of ATRP is how did you deal with similar situations?

Grieve. Check with his family, make sure they're OK. You're allowed to be sad, your best friend just killed himself. There is no big boy pants to put on here, there's no reason for anyone to tell you to not be a leaky faucet.

Life won't wait for me to deal with this pain...

He made his choices, but you still have your own life to live. Again, you get to grieve. Take a month off or something, try and get some closure. Was there something he always wanted to do, some trip that he never had the time or money for?

1Maverick1 · 2017-05-25T18:47:57+00:00

Listen to your mind and soul man. If this dude was someone you actually cared about, take the time to remember the good times. When people are that troubled and can't deal with life they are tortured. There isn't much you can do for them. It's sad to see them go and yes you need to let your emotions out somehow. Don't be afraid to wear them but as a man you are right, try not to let others see you as an emotional wreck, especially women. This will put in their minds that you are weak. Hence why strong men will only be vulnerable around people they trust and can confide in.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-05-25T18:41:41+00:00

My dad died when I was 18.

Know what I did? I didn't talk about it at all. I put it in a box for three years, and only then, opened it up.

Theres no rush to process this shit. Not worth having a crumbling frame every time you think or talk about it.

Also, when someone is 'sorry for your loss' say thank you, think 'go fuck yourself' and drop the subject. They don't know any better than to offer an empty platitude. It's supposed to piss you off. One of our OMG's had the same reaction when his wife died, and others tried to console.

Mudpielol · 2017-05-25T15:24:21+00:00

What I would ask of ATRP is how did you deal with similar situations?

I have had one similar that happened when I was a teenager, about 20 years ago, except the person that attempted suicide twice, did not succeed. Their choices brought them to where they are, which is not a very good place, but whatever suggestion I have that I think would improve the situation is dismissed or ignored. Any help I or my family provided was squandered. We have a saying, god will give you opportunities, but he will not put stuff in your bag. I just don't care that much anymore about them.

You can't help people that do not want to be helped, and that is the end of it. And if they really want to end it, well, not much you can do about that.

My2c.

Docbear64 · 2017-05-25T17:36:10+00:00

Give yourself permission to miss him and get rid of any thoughts on guilt we all only get one life and unfortunately your friend no longer saw value in his . He chose to end his life at best you could have persuaded him not to and even then he probably would have made this decision. If you need to take bereavement time and can I would . I was ok with my grandfathers passing until the day of the funeral and then I truly felt it , my advice is to let yourself hurt and miss him . If you have no one to vent to then maybe getting in contact with the family and talking with them will help . Ultimately though it hurts and will hurt , good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

KillingJoke92 · 2017-05-25T18:53:06+00:00

I had a very similar thing happen to me. My best friend for almost ten years hung himself in July last year. It's fucking hard man. So many thoughts. Could you have stopped it, did you do enough, why would he do this. Alot of people are saying go monk mode, and I can't agree more. I made the mistake of trying to fill the void with a girl and it was an awful mistake. She drained what little motivation I had and I dropped into a severe depression. Feeling alone sucks, but feeling alone and being surrounded by people is 10 times worse.

Take time to reflect on your life. Focus on you. Then when you're ready go back out and build another strong bond.

The best piece of advice I received was to let him live through you. Be the person to keep his memory going. He was your best friends end for a reason and bring that joy he gave you into the world for others.

If you need to pm me go ahead. I'd also recommend looking into the TED talk Dylan kliebolds mother did. It really hit home for me and put into perspective why someone would commit suicide.

JSizzl3 · 2017-05-25T20:20:06+00:00

|I feel responsible for not being able to see this as his brother.

Please do not put this on yourself. So much is out of our control. Even when we ask for just one more day, one more chance, it's rarely ever enough. Make arrangements to see his family; until then let out what you need to let out in solitude.

If people around you wonder what's up, let them know without going into a TV soliloquy. You'll reassure them and yourself by letting them know you hate that it happened, yet you're not an emotional wreck.

Respect

oldredder · 2017-05-26T01:48:38+00:00

You contemplate what you know, and what you don't yet know.

Also in the future do not push anyone into TRP. TRP feels like mind-poison to those who do not seek it themselves and who are not ready for it. It must happen gradually or never.

No, I would not go gaming. It's very shallow and empty to day-game and night-game vapid, anonymous women when more serious things are happening. Only a very small part of the red pill has to do with women. Most of it is involved with strategy, economy, discovery of society's hidden lies and hidden truths.

Sinth42 · 2017-05-26T02:03:17+00:00

Don't suppress the pain. I'm not saying you should cry everyday, but if you have to feel legit sad for a few days, go for it. I still do the mistake of suppressing emotions especially the ones erupting from the death of a loved one. From my experience I can tell you it's not worth it in the long run. Other than that, I guess going monk mode is a solid advice.

arcwhy · 2017-05-26T07:25:33+00:00

hey man, sorry for your loss. I've been going through my own hell over a recent death in my life. Even asking for help on here is a great thing, and the commenters who've posted already all say what I would, which is very solid IMO.

I found this along my time of grieving... maybe it'll help

reddit gold

ps. monk mode has been the single best way to work on things (for me). I highly recommend it

Heathcliff-- · 2017-05-25T16:12:10+00:00

Sometimes, there is no trick to it and you just have to ride it out... Acceptance that you will feel angry and sad and hurt and a whole host of other conflicting and fucked up emotions. You can't avoid them, you have to experience them.

Some people take it too far in trying halt the emotions completely, as if to say they don't exist and you are a cold, non-feeling, emotionless, non-human.

Some take it too far and dwell on them too long, get lost in them to the extent they never really make the effort to recover or move on.

You need to walk the fine line. Take some time off, these things happen to all of us, sometimes, they just need to be experienced the hard way.

Title	Dealing with death
Author	The_biscuit_risker
Upvotes	10
Comments	17
Date	May 25, 2017 2:59 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6da53s/dealing_with_death/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dealing-with-death.91640 https://theredarchive.com/post/91640

Comments