Did I cheat?

fnordsnord · 2016-12-12T22:30:31+00:00

First: to answer the title question - NO. That's inherently stupid, son. If she broke up with you on Saturday morning, that means by lunchtime you were a free agent. if you dipped the wick Saturday night, it's not cheating by ANY definition.

Second: If you make some changes? No. You are clearly not in a position to cling to your ex if you're able to play hide-the-salami the same night you're broken up with. How 'bout SHE makes some changes, starting with "breaking up when I'm pissed" is no longer on the table. Dude - SHE dumped YOU. YOU are NOT the person to be apologizing and making changes to "make this work."

Third: Should you tell her? Meh. Up to you. Frankly, I would, because she needs to see how quickly and easily she can be replaced. SHE, however, may not be able to cope with the fact that you can find poon within 14 hours of getting dumped. Telling her, might blow her up entirely. So if you want to move forward with this one (and I can't imagine why you would) I wouldn't tell her.

Forth: No, you should not feel guilty. It's not cheating if you're single. And if she says "I'm breaking up with you," you're single.

wallpunchist · 2016-12-12T14:31:02+00:00

It's about the fourth time she's done so in the last six months but it sounded like this time was final.

First one should be final.

if I make some changes

What changes precisely?

Please no comments on how I shouldn't take her back.

This isn't Relationships or Confession subreddit. It doesn't work like this. If you're looking for compassion instead of honest opinion, go there.

EDIT: She will consider it cheating, because it'll work in her favor.

throwaway320_ · 2016-12-12T15:35:55+00:00

I think have an idea on who is definitely cheating.

EGOtyst · 2016-12-12T15:13:18+00:00

Put the shoe on the other foot.

If she did it, would you consider it cheating?

Go from there.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-12T16:08:03+00:00

Cheer up, maybe in 10 yrs and 42 more breakups she'll really mean it when she says its the last time.

Revinz1405 · 2016-12-12T14:44:33+00:00

Should I tell her what happened or feel guilty?

Up to you whether or not you want to tell her. However, do not feel guilty. You two weren't together when you fucked the other girl.

if I make some changes.

No, she needs to change, if someone should change. You are improving yourself, which she doesn't like, since it makes her lose control in the relationship.

Furthermore, you are, most likely, her backup. She went to another guy to see if it would work out. It didn't, and comes right back to you. Also, to add to Wallpunchist's comment edit. If she says you cheated, tell her that you didn't. You weren't in a relationship when you fucked that girl. You were free to do whatever you liked to do. She has most likely fucked another dude the same, or the very next, day.

King-Macbeth · 2016-12-12T19:00:34+00:00

It's about the fourth time she's done so

Oh boy. You're already three times behind.

I had sex with an old fling the same night. Now she wants to get back together if I make some changes. Should I tell her what happened or feel guilty?

Depends.

A. No because you didn't cheat. She broke up with you so you weren't together. It doesn't matter if she broke up with you at 1:00 p.m, you immediately fucked this fling, and then at 1:10 your ex messages you saying she wants you back. For 10 minutes, you were single.

B. Yes, if you really want to fuck with her.

Please no comments on how I shouldn't take her back.

Too bad. Welcome to AskTRP! Don't take her back. Seriously, it's very clear that she has become uninterested in you and her feelings are very mixed, if not negative about your relationship. Get out.

She's grown disinterested in me because I became complacent and an asshole (and due to temporary long distance).

Yeah, no, she is cheating on you. You two go do long distance for a little, you come back, and she's suddenly disinterested, breaking up with you 4 times in 6 months? She very obviously has someone on the side in some capacity and she wants to keep you around as a backup in case things go sore with the other dude.

BestSC86 · 2016-12-12T21:10:45+00:00

Dang...you must have nothing else going on in your life to enjoy the level of juvenile drama in this shitty relationship.

You didn't cheat but you should not be in a relationship with a woman whom you don't give a shit about nor who does not give a shit about you. It is just toxic.

End your investment in this shitty situation...plate her for a random fuck but use the time in this asinine drama for finding more quality women or achieving something else in your life.

Geez...I hope you are like 16 years old.

MatasterMatt · 2016-12-12T18:56:03+00:00

It's about the fourth time she's done so in the last six months but it sounded like this time was final.

This sounds like an incredibly unhealthy relationship. Why do you yearn to get back with this woman? First of all, you did not cheat. She broke up with you, and you were/are? single. That is not cheating.

Secondly, given the fact she broke up with you and is clearly playing mind games to change you as an individual, you don't owe her anything. I wouldn't be getting back together If I was you.

LordThunderbolt · 2016-12-13T01:42:40+00:00

You're severely mentally unstable just like your gf

crew6dawg0 · 2016-12-13T02:03:59+00:00

Look man, she dumped you 4 times. Whether for good reasons or bad, she doesn't think you're worth dating. She keeps coming back to you for some reason, but she keeps leaving you. The reason is deep down she probably doesn't want a LTR with you, she's just having a hard time breaking it off permanently.

I'll probably catch flak for this, but it needs to be said. TECHNICALLY, no, you did not cheat, because you had sex AFTER you broke up with her. But let's be real man, if you were able to get the snooky that quickly, you probably had the ONS lined up and in your sights, just waiting to pull the trigger - a female orbiter. It's not cheating, but it shows you had little to no remorse. If your ex did this to you, you wouldn't consider it cheating, but you wouldn't be happy about it either. Take it for what its worth. I wouldn't sweat it though, way to rebound.

Live and learn, and take the lessons learned from the relationship and apply it to future ones.

Title	Did I cheat?
Author	roserocket1
Upvotes	0
Comments	23
Date	December 12, 2016 2:26 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5hwutr/did_i_cheat/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/did-i-cheat.79007 https://theredarchive.com/post/79007

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