I know that it comes from life experience, but "experiencing life" or "hardship" isn't some new advice. I also understand outcome independence but it's easier said than done. It's also not particularly actionable. Is there any way to speed up this process? Are there any specific hacks or step-by-step actions to take when trying to build an unshakable frame?

So far, I've noticed that laughing to other peoples' jokes gives up a little bit of frame for the sake of building rapport. Also, doubling down on what you say can maintain your frame, or even disregarding others' attacks or typical shit test responses. Also, not reacting to other peoples' emotional bs that they throw at you and instead reacting how you would want based on your view of yourself. But it's hard to apply these all at once in the moment. I remember one close friend of mine who's frame was so solid that you'd end up questioning your own view of reality because of how self-assured they were, even if you could deconstruct their POV when you're alone and not under their influence.

I always hear things like being "self-assured", "confident", "lifting", "knowing who you are", and all these other statements but they're so vague that it's difficult to proceed. I can delude myself to be confident and lift, but as soon as I get in conversations, that solid frame goes right out of the window. It's only after the convo, or after I react that I can see the mistakes I made, but by then it's too late. For example, when I'm in front of authority figures, my voice tends to go higher and I tend to act weaker. I only notice after the immediate reaction. Consciously maintaining frame isn't realistic because you need to put mental energy into other tasks throughout the day.

There's just too many possibilities and scenarios. For example, when someone confronts me, my body freezes for a few seconds and I need to swallow to clear up my throat. Right now, I'm working on confronting people when needing to and "maintaining frame" by not caving to their narrative, but so far, with all the effort to get out and experience life, I just keep seeing the same shitty results because I'm lost in an illusory concept of frame.

TL;DR Is there any way to speed up this process? Are there any specific hacks or step-by-step actions to take when trying to build an unshakable frame?